After receiving some very nice comments on my blog yesterday (thank you fat members) it got me a thinking. I know what your thinking. Oh boy, Melis is thinking, watch the sparks fly. :) I was thinking of all the different aspects of my lifestyle, and how they all play into each other. They all are connected in one way or another. This overhaul change into a healthy lifestyle will eventually enter into all the areas of my life. And than my friends, I will be one amazing woman ;)
This is a prime example of what Ive been struggling all week with. (and this is continuing from my blog yesterday, so bare with me) I drank to much, which caused my mood to react a certain way. I knew that I may end up feeling a certain way when I drank, but I just did what I usually do in those situations. Its like so routine you almost dont realize your doing it until your done, or realize when its to late. Just from that one situation, it affected how I thought and felt for a few days, and caused my negative reactions.
So where did I go wrong? I lacked control. I ultimately am in control of my life. I could of stopped this cycle at any point. Even after what was done was done. I could have did things to make my mood change. Do things that make me happy. Instead I gave in and lost the control. I let my feelings dictate my actions. I have to be more conscious of what is going on, especially in those situations. I know what will happen if I do A, B & C. So just like eating healthy I need to have a plan. A plan going into those situations. A plan to escape if I need to. Its not weak. Its smart. I wouldnt go into a food fest situation without a plan, so why should this be any different. And even when Im in the situation I need to stop and think about every action I do. How will this make me feel? How do I feel at this point? How will this affect people around me? Grant and I use to be really good about checking in with our feelings in situation like this, but we both really dropped the ball this time.
I know I probably sound like some crazy chick. You may be thinking, what is the big deal? Just dont do it. Especially since you know the consequences. Easier said than done, especially since I have quite the addictive behavior. This has been an ongoing problem of mine for about 6 years. I am a binge drinker. And ironically, I dont want to give up drinking. I enjoy beer. I have learned in the last year that I can drink and not abuse. But it takes a lot of work. And this past weekend simply got away from me. And now I remember why I need a plan, and why planning works for me.
Back to the healthy lifestyle. As you can see my pattern is abuse/binge drinking, abuse/binge food, etc. So all parts of my lifestyle play into each other. Lucky for you I only went into two parts of it. Given the amount of blogs you read, I cut you some slack ;) But the more better I get at controlling one thing, it can only lead into another. Each time I can get stronger, and attack these downfalls head on. The same techniques I use in one area, is what will help me use in another. I can not wait till the day that I can say, I Live Healthy. I Live Happy. I Live Smart. I Live Well. Joining this group has been quite therapeutic. And I feel privileged to be around such strong, amazing people. Thank you F.A.T. :)
P.S. Please forgive me for being overemotional - the 3 day does that to me. Less 39 Hours! :)
10 comments:
Hey Melissa be as emotional as you'd like, it lets me know youre human just like me.
Im sure youve been asked this question but do you know what the root of the binges are? What is the cause of the addictive/obessive behaviors?
Also rather than focusing on the setback try asking yourself these questions...
1.What is good about this situation?
2.How can I make the most of this situation?
3.What are the facts about this problem?
4.How can I make it a successful outcome?
Again Melissa, I appreciate your candor.
My father has the same sort of addictive personality. The only way he's able to get over that is by replacing all the undesirable habits with desireable ones. For example, he gave up smoking and now he kayaks. He told me once that some people just can't do things in moderation, and that's the way it is.
I'm not saying you're one of those people, but replacing some of the undesireable habits with desireable ones is not a bad way to go.
Marcol, the root that Ive come up with is this...Ill try to keep this short :) When my mom remarried when I was younger, she went from a very controlling relationship to a very free relationship. With my bio father she litearly couldnt leave the house, and when she remarried she was always on the go, leaving me alone or with neighbors. So feeling neglected as a child, I coped a certain way back than. Ironically it was busy with sports, afterschool clubs, music, etc. I kept very busy so I didnt have to feel my feelings. Feelings of being alone, left out, etc.
And now as an adult, when I chose to drink or eat excessively, it is my way Im coping, just like I did back than. Except in a not so healthy way. Its my way of dealing with things...so I dont have to feel those negative feelings.
Does that make sense? It makes more sense in my head. lol
Of course my drinking also plays into my social anxiety and low self esteem, and its just easier for me feel accepted when I drink. When your so use to rejection as a child and young adult, you always assume you will not be accepted. When in reality people do accept me for just being me. Im begining to realize that. This is another issue Ive been working on to.
Which now that leads me to Jay's comment. Instead of these undesirable habits I need to replace them with desireable ones. Great point Jay. And I totally agree, some people simply cant do things in moderation..and I question myself all the time if Im truly one of those people.
P.S. Now Im feeling very vulnerable.
:embarassed:
You shouldn't feel embarrassed, props to you for voicing your feelings and thoughts. I think if more people would do that the world would be a better place given the fact they are not our of their gourd. Its amazing the imprints parents can leave on their children. My mom used to stand in front of the mirror almost every morning and say how she hated herself cause she was fat and ugly etc etc. Sometimes crying she would get so worked up. Anyway it affected me and I sometimes wonder if thats why I was shy with lower self esteem.
You can only make things better if you identify and understand them. Keep on keeping it real Melissa thats one of things I really like about you.
It's not always easy to control these kinds of things, but you have to try. I get the opposite effect out of being depressed (when my Dad died, I lost like 20 pounds in like three weeks. It all came back, plus a bunch more, but it happened.) so I don't really have any advice, but find a way. Depression or not, you're the only one who can control this type of thing. I'll see you on Friday, the 3 Day is gonna be a hoot for sure.
"I will be one amazing woman ;)"
You already are an amazing woman. One that's capable of keeping her life under control.
I'm starting to feel like I'm addicted to exercise...
Don't be embarassed, we all have our issues, but not everybody can admit it. It's good that you're able to talk freely about things.
Billy said:
"I will be one amazing woman ;)"
You already are an amazing woman. One that's capable of keeping her life under control.
That's the first thing I thought of as well. You know what you want, you know your weaknesses, and you know what you have to do about it.
If being amazing is one of your goals, you can check that one off.
Hey Melissa sorry for taking so long to reply. I totally get what youre saying and it makes sense, really it does.
Let me first say this, I think you are an AWESOME person. Honestly I do. I recall speaking with someone about you (good things only) and I was saying how much I liked chatting with you and that youre cool people.
Getting over rejection can be pretty tough. Recently Ive been looking back into my past to understand some more recent past behaviors and have found that rejection is at the very core.
We're in this together Melissa and you will overcome, believe that!
You were into sports back in school? Which did you play? Perhaps they can become some of the activities you involve yourself in now and get your training in.
PS - Dont feel embarressed or vulnerable. Feel STRONG because it took a whole lot of strength to first admit all that you did and to say it to a bunch of folks. I used to use the word vulnerable until my therapist said why not see it as strength verses weakness. That works for me.
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