Reminder of where Im at, and where Ive been...

So I wanted to blog about a little thing I noticed as I went out on NYE. As I tried to find an cute outfit (isnt that always on a girls mind?), I rummaged through my closet to see what I could find. I found a shirt that I wanted to wear, and had a great idea of an outfit. Now what I realized as I got ready.......was I would never of dreamt of wearing an outfit like this a year ago, heck 6 months ago. I ended up wearing leggings out! I wore leggings. I never thought that would be possible, or that I would ever be confident enough to even wear leggings again. But with all that walking and running, I do have to say my legs are my best asset :) On the way to the bar, I looked down at my cute leggings, and than noticed this thing a friend told me about the other day....do you legs fit in between the edges of the seat in the car? They sure did. I remember when they didnt! Two things to remind me where I am now, and where Im never going back again!


On other news updates...my visit with Dawn was a really good visit.
It was different than we all expected. She is in a hospital bed in the living room vs in her bed in her bedroom. She was up when we got there, and she looked pretty good. I could tell she lost a lot of weight, and muscle. She has lost all muscle from her waist down, so has no mobility there. Its just all bones. But still has little muscle on her upper body. They have been doing some exercises to keep what she has left going. Her hearing was in and out, and her one eye she was having a lot of trouble with. But she did say that since she has stopped treatment her vision and hearing is coming back slowly.

It turns out that they found a tumor in the fluid of her brain, if I understand that correctly. And the cancer has really just progressed faster than they imagined. She cant believe just over a month ago she was feeling good, walking, etc. And now she can barely move, and is doing what she can to just simply get by. They decided that it was time, and wanted her last few months to feel as comfortable as they can, so stopping treatment and being able to be with her family is exactly that. She was really open about everything, which she never really has been. Her husband is doing amazing, he really is being so strong, as well is she. Which I had no doubt.

But there was 7 of us there, and we all just hung out catching up on each others lives, talking about all our memories of when we walked the 3day, the training, the fundraisers, my crazy ass doing two walks this year, etc. It was really nice. We stayed for an hour and than decided to get going because she was looking tired. Than the hard part started. She was good hugging two of us, than she started crying. And she said, this cant be goodbye. The stronger woman, which wasnt me, said dont you worry we will see you again. This is not goodbye. I gave her a kiss, hugged her, and could barely spit out I love you because I was so choked up. She squeezed me tightly and than wouldnt let go of my hand. Sadly, I quickly had to look away.

So much for being strong. I hope she realizes how much I care for her. Im sure she does. I just wish I could of gave her some more comforting words. On the way home I was in a daze, and than had a good, long cry. I needed it. I got home and started to tell Grant about the visit...and cried some more to him. Lately that man has seen more tears from me than he did the entire time we have been together! And still everytime hes supports me like he did that very first year. And that is exactly why I love this man so much. Anyways, after all that I was pretty down, so decided to go do some retail therapy. (another chick thing eh?) It helped to get my mind of things. We are going to try to fit in a few more visits with Dawn in the next month.

I really appreciate all your support. Death definitely can bring out emotions that are hard to express sometimes, but being able to share it here is comforting. I feel very lucky to have the support system of friends such as all of you!