Blogging, Milestone, and Control

So a lot of the times I only blog from work. My desktop at home died probably around 1.5 years ago. I never wanted to put out the money to buy a new one, well more like never had the money. And Grant has a desktop and a laptop, so I would always jump on his desktop if I needed to use it at night. Well now that its winter and the basement is FREEEEZZZING, I barely go on it. So Ill jump on his laptop when hes not using it. Which is usually why my blogs can be scarce. Well last night I got an early Christmas present. Grant couldnt keep it a secret any longer. I got a laptop! I was sooo surprised! Im am going back to school in the Spring, and trying to get my degree done (been going for the last 10 years off and on), so its really is the perfect gift. I am so geeked, as you can see my cheesy grin in that picture. So blogging at night is a must do now ;)

Life has been pretty much the same as last week. Ill have a good day, than a bad day. No consistency..which is something I need. I really am letting my willpower go, and I dont know whats come over me. Its like one taste of that sugar and I cant stop. I know my moods probably have something to do with it lately. Also Ive also been hanging out with some new friends, and a lot of Lia Sophia functions. There has been spreads like you wouldnt believe. So I may be even using food as an security blanket in social situations. Especially since the people Im around seem to be indulging in all the food themselves. Im still digging into this social aspect and trying to figure out if Im replacing food with what use to be alcohol....interesting thought. In reality, food makes me feel better and even more secure (that sounds weird typing that out), this is an ongoing problem Im aware of but have yet to master controlling it. My weight has been fluctuating up and down, up and down. I am the only one to blame, I lost control.

This past weekend I did have a milestone. I jogged my first 4 miler. I did it in about 45 minutes. I just found a comfortable pace, and went with it. I felt pretty good during and after. We had this snow storm so jogging is out of the question right now. Its a little icy, and the sidewalks arent clear. Im hoping maybe I can get out to the community center after work this week and again on the weekend. I think their path may be clear. Other than that Ive did nothing except one workout to a DVD. Although maybe I can count shoveling snow, and walking in 3 miles christmas shopping as exercise :p

Its a little embarrassing. All that talk I said about this is my month. Maybe I should learn to walk the walk. It feels like I almost jinxed myself! I still have two weeks left, I can still turn it around and that is exactly what I have to do. Can I do it? I sure hope so. Sadly at this point, not gaining any weight seems like it may be a miracle!

So when I got home today I planted my butt on the couch, and was figuring out what I was going to do with my evening. Did not want to work out. So I started browsing through some old pictures, thought it may motivate me. Grant came home and asked if I worked out yet? I said no, but I should. And he said yeah you should or your going to be mad at yourself. So I did. And it felt good. I can tell Im super bloated from all the sugar Ive had lately. I feel gross and my stomach is pretty nasty. That should be motivation enough! I compared some before/after pictures and saw how far Ive come.

Its crazy how you come so far and than you hit these roadblocks...its like I know what I have to do so why am I not doing it? I post these blogs from time to time and its like the same old song. I seriously just need to get it together, and realize I control who and what I want to be. I wonder if I can handle indulgement, because it appears that when I do indulge is when I go way off track. I need to figure out how to indulge in moderation, and get right back on track after it. Or notice when there are certain times I simply cant handle indulging so shouldn't do it.