Hello December!

Well November has been a weird month for me. There has been some high points and some low points. But I think Im ready for December. I love this time of year. I love Christmas. I love the decorations. I love the snow. I love sipping hot chocolate and staring at the Christmas tree all lit up. I love the music (yes Im a freak that LOVES Christmas music). I love the bonding. I love buying that special gift. I love spending time with family and friends. Its just such a great time of the year.

I can feel this Christmas is going to be more special than any others. Im just in totally different place than I have been in the past. Im so thankful for so many things in my life right now. I really love where I am right now. :) And this is the first Christmas Im not working in retail :p So I actually get to enjoy the holiday activities. :)

Along with Christmas comes the last month of the year. The last month to really give it my all in regards to fitness and nutrition. My last big umph before I go into the new year.

"The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!"

With the results that Ive seen in the last 6 months, Im very excited to see how December pans out. November was a bit shaky, but I have confidence that Ill get right back to where I want to be in December. There are so many challenges in this month. So many chances to slip up. But this year that is not going to be my story. Im going to finish on top. Im not going to deprive myself, Ill indulge here and there, but I wont completely undo all the work Ive done up to this point. You have to enjoy the Holiday, but enjoy it moderately ;)

As the weather is getting colder, its getting harder to make myself get outside and workout. The wind has been pretty rough lately, and I havent been jogging as much as Id like. Im a little nervous about the race on NYE. I know if I layer enough Ill be fine, I just need to get myself out there. And I cant think of any better way to end my year than with a race. Its like the icing on the cake for me :)

I did get an offer from Bally's to come back for only $99 for a year. Im very tempted to take it. But remember how much I hate that place. But Im still debating it. It may be worth my while, especially when the ground gets snowy and icey.

These are just a few things on my mind tonight :)

My Holiday Weekend

So my holiday weekend went rather well. Well diet wise. I was sick all week so didnt go to work all week, and I think its a break I needed. I started off the Holiday with my turkey trot as I mentioned earlier, and was pleasantly surprised by the outcome of that :) We were going to Grants aunts house for Thanksgiving dinner a few hours after that. I love his family, so was excited to go spend time with them. And his dad sure was flying the compliments my way, which was quite flattering. :blush: I did fairly well with dinner, controlling my portion sizes, and had a small piece of banana pudding pie for desert. I definitely felt full and not stuffed, which was my plan. Grant and I decided to go catch a movie thanksgiving night, American Gangster, I highly recommend it. Awesome flick! And I love Densel Washington. I did indulged in a small popcorn there, and savored the flavor! heh

On Friday I was planning on just chilling around the house, maybe do a little house cleaning. Bandito promptly woke me up at his normal weekend time of 8am. Sleepy eyed I let him out and decided to check my email while I waited for him to do his business. I planned on jumping right back in bed. As I opened my email I noticed an email from my friend Dawn. And the subject said, Update. I was hesitant to open it. I met Dawn on the 3 day in 2004. She was a breast cancer survivor at that point, and shortly after our walk the cancer came back. She has been battling it for the last 3 years. Well I decided to open it and halfway through the email the tears started to stream down my face. Over the last month she hasn't been feeling to good, so went in to get some testing done. There has been more progression in her cancer, and her doctor informed her on Wednesday that "statistically speaking" she has 2 to 6 months. She will still continuing with chemo and will be starting radiation therapy, so she has not given up hope, but is also being realistic. Three years ago when she began this journey, she was given months to years, so she said she has had time and is still hopeful for more.

First my heart stopped. Than my heart jumped in my throat. Than I couldn't control my tears. Than all these emotions and words starting flying through my head. Sad, Angry, Mad, Hopeless, etc. All I can say is cancer sucks. It simply is not fair. I tried to go back to bed and just laid there sobbing in Grants arms. I just let it all out. I than decided I needed a well supported day to get through it. So headed to my parents house. My hometown was having their Thanksgiving parade and I decided to go to that with them. My mom called my sister and brother in law, and they met us up there. It was nice to have them there. I was pretty much in a daze the rest of the weekend. Trying to process everything. I talked to a friend that recently had a friend pass away of cancer and our chat was soothing. Today Im doing better. Cancer is such a horrible disease, and its so painful to see the ones you love fight it. All I can keep doing is praying for Dawn, and pray for the strength to be there for her when she needs me. God has his plan for Dawn, and while we all would love for her to be here with us and sometimes we dont understand his plan....we have to believe and trust in him. Dawn is so positive. I know it was just an email vs face to face, but in the email you can feel the strength Dawn has, and just how at peace she is with her mind and heart. She says sure it sucks, but this is what Im dealt. So the only thing I can do is what Ive done all along, stand by her as her friend and pray. Please keep Dawn and her family in your prayers and thoughts.

The rest of my weekend went pretty good. I had a tattoo consult on Saturday that went very very very well. Im so excited! This is my weight loss "reward". Im going to dedicate a separate post for that one though ;) And Sunday I got out for a jog, 3.5 miles. It felt good to be out jogging again but it was a little rough. And than I was pleasantly surprised this morning by finally breaking through 145. 144.5, but hey its the lowest Ive been yet! Ive been gaining and losing the same 5lbs all month! Im 3.5 pounds away from my November goal which I dont think will happen. So hopefully December is a better month. Actually, yes December will be a better month :)

A Long Overdue Turkey Trot Report

I have been wanting to get on here and blog about my very awesome Turkey Trot, but Thanksgiving day was busy busy, and on Friday I got some very sad, upsetting news, and well I havent been in the right state of mind since. Ill speak more on that in another post because I do need all of your prayers and support, but this post is strictly Turkey Trot business. It was such a wonderful experience and this post should be all wonderful.

With that being said..can I say 30:46!!!! Can you believe it?! Can I say how geeked I was?

As I mentioned before I was sick the last 4 days before the race, and even tried to go out for a jog on Wednesday and it was a disaster. My cold had moved into my chest, and when I jogged I could barely breath. I gave up after 1.5 miles and walked home. So I had no idea what would happen at the race. I was so anxious for the race the night before that I woke up probably every other hour through the night. Finally the alarm went off at 6am, and I popped out of bed. The drive there was pretty easy, but once I got off the freeway it was like a parking lot. I sat in traffic for about 40 minutes and I finally found a parking garage open. I chatted with Kristen and she was still stuck in traffic to, so I told her where Id be and met her there. I called Rob, and Jim and him were going to meet me in the lobby of the building the race started in front of. So I paced around the lobby for a little while and it was like 5 minutes before race time, and nobody. So I called Kristen, she had found Rob and Jim and they were calling me but I didnt get the call. My signal kept dropping. Go figure! So by that time there was so many people lined up to start the race that there was no way I could find them. :( So I told Kristen I would call them when we were done. I do have to admit, I was a little intimidated to jog with them. Damn my insecurities eh? But I still was pretty bummed that I couldnt find them, and wasnt going to be able to run with them. But I know there will be plenty of other races. It would of been nice to experience my first 5K with such supportive friends as Jim, Rob, and Kristen. Especially when I was having those pre-race jitters. :)

Anyhoo, well the race started and off I went, well not right away. It took me a few minutes to get past the start line. I kept a pretty good pace, starting off slow. It felt awesome to be passing people up. :) I got to the half way point and I was still feeling pretty good. Getting a little warm, but it was all good. I stripped off the gloves at this point, and the girl next to me said, did we pass the 2 mile mark yet? Please say yes. I laughed and said I think we are almost there. Shortly after that I got a little tired. But I said no walking. You can do this. Focused on some breathing and checked out the scenery along the way. People were all dressed up so it was quite amusing. And the people yelling, go runners!, made me smile :) (Wait, did they just call me a runner? Well yes I think they did. Melissa a runner...who would of thought?!) When I was almost to where the start line was...I got geeked, and even looked at the girl next to me and said...we are in the home stretch! Not quite. We had to loop around, go down a hill, and loop around again. But no problem. I crossed the line at somewhere around 32:00. But when I checked the website time it was really 34:04...so not sure what I was looking at! I knew that it took a few minutes to get across the start line so thought I may have come in around or a little above 30 minutes, and that made me feel real good. I cooled down a bit, went and grabbed some water and than found Kristen, Rob, and Jim. It took a few phone calls to find them though. Maybe I should of had on my bunny ears like on the 3 day. :)

Finally I found my FAT family. I thought, yay! Im no longer the lost little girl :) It was so great to meet Rob! You guys love Rob through his blog....wait till you meet him :) I love meeting people online. Its like you chat for so long, and when you finally get to meet each other its just so much more satisfying. I knew that meeting Rob (since I already met the Kristen and Jim) was definitely going to be anything but awkward. So when I saw Rob I gave him a hug and it felt like seeing an old friend. It felt the same way when I met Jim on the 3 day. And it was great to see Jim again, since we havent seen each other since the 3 day. By the way Jim, your not that far from me...maybe I should meet you for a mall walk sometime :) And of course I couldnt help but be giddy while I hugged Kristen, because we just ran our first 5k! If it wasnt for Kristen, who knows if I would of ever even thought of running a 5k! It was really nice to see these guys after my race, because they know the journey Ive been on, and I know the journey they have been on. We did great on this race, and all have done such great work in the last year. It was such a great feeling of unity. Congrats to Jim, Kristen, and Rob...you guys rock! I hope that us FAT Michiganders can get together more often. And one day all of us FAT members get to meet!

Can I just say it again....30:46!!!!!! WOOOOHOOOO! Better than I ever imagined Id do, especially with feeling sick. To think 7 weeks ago I could barely jog 60 seconds, and now I can run a full 5k in almost 30 minutes! Go Me :)

There is a run on NYE, a 4 mile. Im so signing up and think that Kristen, Rob, and Jim may as well. Maybe Ill get to actually run that one with them :)

Heres pictures although you may have already seen them.




Another goal to mark off on my list. And time to add a few more :) I cant express how thankful I am for this group. Im doing things I never imagined I could do. Its simply amazing.

Hope to post later today...

Ive come down with a sinus infection/headcold that is majorly kicking my ass. I just got back from the doctors and got some meds, and going to try to get some more sleep.

Hope to post more last today.

Sick before my first 5k. Can I say how bummed I am? :(

Deep Breath In, Deep Breath Out - Anger Released

I have always been bad at separating my work life from my personal life. While I have improved I still struggle with it. My previous job I worked for was a very shady company and the stress it caused me was extreme. It caused quite a strain on my home life. With some therapy, I learned to separate the two, and also realized I needed to get a new job. lol

But I have slipped back into letting my job stress spill over into my personal life. And that really angers me. A lot. So at this very moment I take a deep breath in. deep breath out. And anger begone. If it was really that easy right?

I need to separate the anger from work and home, and leave it simply at work. I will not let the things I cant control at work determine how the rest of my life plays out. No way. With that being said, I am now going to post some happy, positive thoughts. Things that will change my mood from anger to simply thinking...well work woes...its just sad. And its not going to control my mood or actions!

• I cant wait to get home and play with my dogs, I love those animals so much! Bandito is so cute. He curls his lip up like Elvis when hes concentrating really hard. It is the cutest thing! Something even cuter is he curls up to Vinyl and they spoon. I melt inside when I see it :) Vinyl is quite the moaner. You make a noise and she starts moaning at you, like shes singing in the opera. Dont you just love how animals make your life so much more enjoyable :)

• Tonight I am going to release some stress by hanging out with a friend. We are going to check out her friends band, indie rock. I LOVE indie rock. And I love Frannie! So I think this is a perfect time to also have a night to release. Dance some of my anger/stress away.

• In two weeks my stepdad and I are going to file the adoption papers. He is legally going to be my father. Im hoping the process is complete before the end of the year, and that is the best Christmas present I can ask for! He has been my dad for the last 17 years and I couldnt ask for a better one!

• After work my jog is going to rock. When I get like this, what better way to release some of the emotions than through a sweaty workout. Those workouts that when you finish, your like damn...now that was a workout.

• Even though sometimes I feel like life is hard with to all the obstacles Im facing, with past and present experiences, I really do value the work Ive done on my self esteem. I can confidently say that I do love myself physically in certain areas. I have the cutest button nose. I have two strong facial features that I use to hate as a child. High cheekbones, and freckles! My freckles are very sexy :) I do have two things that have been altered, but are also quite pleasant. My butt has seem so very ugly days, but lately its seeing very happy ones. I love to show it off now :p Grant seems to take to it as well since he says, buns come get dinner. Buns can you come here. Hey buns! lol And my boobs are freaking fantastic. Earlier this year I had a breast reduction and it was seriously thee best thing I could ever do for myself. 1100 grams removed, back and neck pain gone, and I can jog without getting a black eye! SCORE! My cleavage now doesnt appear to want to swallow someone. :)

More than you wanted to know eh? But guess what....my anger is completely gone now. Im grinning, and feeling quite upbeat. Ha!

Melissa - 1 Anger - 0

:)

P.S. A BIG thank you to all of your comments on my last post. I so did not want to post those picture but your comments made the embarassment a little easier. I couldnt do the last 20 lbs without all of you. So THANK YOU F.A.T! XOXOXOX

P.S.S. I was trying to talk my friend April into joining FAT. Im so proud of her for commiting to the healthy lifestyle journey. April, I promise we wont bite! Love ya girl! :)

Progress Update

Today I have been re-assessing my goals and trying to figuring out exactly what I want. Sure I want to reach that "goal weight" I originally set out, but what do I want to do also in regards to health. As I took measurements and pictures I do see a difference, but also see I have a long way to go. It helped put in to perspective that getting the weight off is one thing, but getting the physical results I want is a whole new ballpark. When I started off this journey, I just wanted to be able to exercise and not feel like I was going to die. I wanted to feel physically fit. Its weird when you first start off this transition to a new healthy lifestyle, you think geez it would be great if I can do 15 minutes of exercise. And just drop some pounds. But when you get into it, you realize you have potential for so much more. I would consider myself fit now. Not extreme fit, but definitely in an average range of where I should be. Now that I know that I have that potential I think I need to transition to the next level. Its obvious I can do cardio by now. But what good is cardio if Im not building muscle. I want to feel my cardio and strength training are on equal grounds..unlike now where cardio is the superior. So that next level is strengthening, toning, and decreasing body fat percentage. I have been doing some toning and strengthening but really just the bare minimum. Mostly because Im so lost on this subject. Muscles are nice, and I want them. (Although I do have to say my legs are looking mighty fantastic these days with the 3 day training and the jogging. :) )

I am going on a trip to Tampa in February with a bunch of girlfriends. We all met when I lost weight the first time on www.ediets.com, we have kept in contact for about 4 years. We have our own private forum that we keep in touch on. Yearly we have a "reunion" at one of the girls hometown(all of us live in different states.) So this year is Tampa. When we all met we decided to call ourselves the "bikini babes", since we all wanted to feel confident in a bikini. So you bet that we all are going to be living up to that title in Tampa. So my goal for that is February 29th. Im trying to set new goals that aren't weight loss related that will have me in that confident presence on this trip. This whole other side of working out is relatively new to me, so still unsure of how to set those goals.

Well I took some measurements and pictures tonight and figured Id do an update post.

August 2, 2007/November 13, 2007

Weight: 162/145
Size: 12/10
Waist: 37/34-1/2
Hips: 39/38-1/2
Chest: 36/35
Thigh: 26/23
Arm: 12/12

And I cant believe Im posting these pictures but here I go.

*big gulp*

Getting Closer and Closer

To my goal! I am now 10 pounds away from my goal. I cant explain how this feels! Even though Im so close now, I have to stay focused. 10 pounds is 10 pounds, and Im sure it will not be any easier than the first 30!

The rest of my weekend was pretty good, minus one thing but that wasn't diet or exercise related. I took Saturday off from working out, and hung out with my parents all day. I tend to eat not so great with them, and we ate lunch at a Coney Island. I got a burger, but it was really good and I didnt stress over it. On Sunday I finished off my week with another 2 mile jog. My eating was pretty much on key this day. I found out on Friday evening that Gregs mom passed away. Greg was the friend from the 3 day I mentioned a few weeks back. She lost her fight with Breast Cancer. So Jen and I headed up to the funeral home Sunday afternoon. Greg was holding up pretty good but his daughter wasnt doing so great :( Betty sure did give Cancer a run for their money, and Im glad shes not in pain anymore. Damn I hate cancer.

Yesterday I started off another week of jogging with upping my mileage to 2.5. This turkey trot is in 9 days so figure 1/2 mile increase over 1/4 mile is probably better. I surprised myself yesterday as I seem to be doing with all this jogging. I managed 2.5 miles in 29:50 minutes. My first 1.25 miles was 14:50, and my second 1.25 mile was 15:00. Overrall I felt it went pretty well. I finally got my side stitch situation solved. Exhale on every left step. It worked wonders! Now if I can finally implement listening to music I think Ill enjoy it more. When I listen to music it throws off my breathing. The weather last night was beautiful, and today looks like another beautiful day. I headed into work earlier so I can get home and do my strength training before my jog...hopefully I have enough time before it gets dark.

So last night I did something I told myself I wouldnt do. I signed up to be a Lia Sophia advisor. I can see Beck cringing now. lol Lia Sophia is fashion jewelry if you didnt know. I love their jewelry and if nothing works out with it I at least get the stuff 70% off. Score! But this is the second party Ive been to in a month and the job sounded more and more intriguing. So last night I bombarded the advisor at the party with tons of questions, and it seems it works. The jewelry really does sell itself, and when people hear the discount they get when booking a party they cant pass it up. Even if I do just 2 shows a week, which is like 3 hours a show...I should make minimum $150 a week. Hey that can be up to $600 a month. And thats the minimum. We sure could use that extra cash. So I jumped on the wagon. Im having a Lia Sophia fundraiser at the end of the month so thats going to be my qualifying show to get started. I hope it works out for me.

Anyhoo....so 10 pounds. Thats 5lbs this month and next month....thats doable. :)

ETA: How do you guys set your goals? I aimed for 2lbs a week and well never meet them by the end of the month. Most of you meet yours early, and I just wondered if Im off somewhere. Although 2lbs does seem a good amount per week to me. I think Ill edit my goals to evenly lose the remaining weight in two months.

Taking Back Control

Well I am happy to say I have officially broke through the horrible week I was having. I am refocused, and it feels great :)

First let me tell you about the last day I had of that downwards spiral...where I had to say Melissa this is enough! It was Thursday and I was in a not so pleasant mood I suppose. I started off my day with oatmeal and a banana but that was the only good part of the day. Lunch consisted of chicken fingers and fries dipped in mayo. Than I hit up the vending machine mid afternoon for some junior mints. On my way home I stopped at McDonalds and got a double cheeseburger meal. An hour later I ate a bowl of cereal. And than Grant came home and is like I want Tubbys for dinner, and I said..so do I!So than I got a chicken and cheddar sub. Geez, you think I would of exploded at that point.

Yeah. After that night I said enough is enough. Seriously. So I started off Friday morning tipping the scale at 149. Almost to the 150's. A place I didnt want to visit again. I made better choices on Friday, not all good choice but better. I controlled my portion sizes, and learned to say no again. There was an afternoon break where my two coworkers literally raided the vending machine and I said Ill just fill this water bottle. And for dinner we got pizza, but I had two pieces (the smallest I could find), and went back for one more. But stared at it for a few minutes and than said to myself..your full you can feel it. Said to Grant, take this I cant eat it. I also topped my day off with a 2 mile jog and my strength training workout. And the scale dropped tremendously to 166.5 this morning. I read a comment that said the best motivation is to see that scale drop. And boy is that the truth. Watch out Im back :)

My workout yesterday...well it was rough. I went out to the track to get my jog on. I have to make sure I get out there early since its dark by 5. Good thing I get off at 3:30 from work. I started out my jog and at 1/2 mile I felt like I was going to keel over. It just felt like one of those days when this workout is going to suck. But I pushed through it. I really talk my way through the whole thing..just one more time melis..you can do this. Think of how you will feel! So I finished 2 miles in 22:40. Better time than my last! I was really fighting side stitches through this entire jog, and I read about the breathing and things to do...it helps but they were there every other 1/4 mile. When I was done.....I felt like I was on top of the world. I never got that workout high before in all the years Ive worked out. Never. But I had that high when I was done today. Boy was I missing out! I than came home and did my strength training and really pushed myself through it. I was tired from the jog, and everything seemed a bit harder. But Im gald I did.

Today Im going to go back out for another jog, and than Im heading over to my parents. We are going to a Pow-Wow by their house. Did I ever mention Im half native american? My mom is full blooded Mohawk. Our tribe is from Canada and Buffalo, NY area. I haven't been to a Pow-Wow in years so Im looking forward to it.

Stay strong through the weekend F.A.T!

On a side note...

Tell me your thoughts on this shirt. Im thinking of getting some printed and selling as a fundraiser. Obviously its more of a girly girl shirt. Im thinking maybe even a fitted tshirt. Ill may come up with a few designs but this is the one I was working on last year but never folllowed through with it.




P.S. Dont forget to check out the blog below ;)

Obstacles

Truth is, obstacles are always going to be there. Its how we decide what to do with them that matters. And Im still letting these obstacles control my behavior. I cant figure out why for the life of me. But Im tired of it. I need to regain control. I have a reward set out for when I reach my weight loss goal, and Im hoping this will kick some motivation into my butt!

Its basically just my food that Im having issues with. Im still working out regular. On Tuesday I even started a new strength training workout. And Im still feeling the pain today! Yesterday I went out jogging and I didnt know how Id do since I could barely walk. :p The first half mile was rough, I could feel every ache vibrate through my legs and butt as my feet hit the ground. But it subsided shortly after that. I managed a 12:20 minute mile for two miles. :) When I was done..oh boy, I was more sore than when I started. My legs felt like jello and my muscles were screaming at me! So the 2 miles I did on Sunday..it wasnt a fluke. lol I think Im finally connecting the mental part of jogging to the physical. And when Im mentally focused I can go further than I think ;) But not to worry, Im still only increasing my miles a little each week. I figure Ill keep my 2 miles this week, strive for 1/4 or 1/5 more next week, and the week after, and maybe Ill finish this 5k without walking :)

Back to my food issue though. Seriously lately Ive been eating fried this, white carb that. Its like you have a choice Melissa, so chose the right one. I know its making me sluggish but Im still doing it. I know a lot of my personal life is affecting the way I eat, and I need to learn to roll with those punches. Its a lot easier said than done I suppose. But each time is a new learning experience. I have gained some clarity in the last few days over this personal issue, and feel better today than I have all week. Im hoping this will roll over into my food area as well. I think I may set a mini reward for this month to, to help push my motivation. Becase sadly Im almost creeping back into the 150's.

Willpower

Its been to long, dont you think? Ive been lazy thats all. I always have good intentions to blogging at night and it never quite happens. And when I dont blog well wouldn't you know...my diet/exercise isnt exactly in the all star league. Ive been lingering around 147-148.5 for the last week. While I have been keeping up with my workouts, my food has slipped here and there. Its like some days my will power is just out the window. Like listen to this.

On Saturday I went out walking with my friend Jen. We did 9 miles. Well I also was suppose to do one of my jogging days and figured Id just go out and do it after my walk. So I went as far as I could, 1 mile. On my way home, I start craving a donut. I drove towards Dunkin Donuts and tried to talk myself out of it, but it wasnt working. I even got into the drivethru, called Grant to see if he wanted to get something to eat, but he just ate. So through the drive thru I went. Willpower Melissa...willpower. Where did it go? I shamefully stuffed that donut in my mouth. And candy...I seem to crave candy a little to much lately. Its like right when I got that taste of sugar it took over me.

Well I didnt lose 27lbs to go right back to those horrible eating ways. So willpower you are coming back. Whether you like it or not! I have 12 pounds to my goal and I really would like to make that by Christmas. So I have to get it together!

Some highlights and lowlights (which may have caused some of my stress/emotional eating) of my time not blogging...

• I ran 2 miles in 20 minutes on Saturday
• I have realized that it will take me at least 4 perhaps 5 more years to graduate
• My brother has once again struck my moms heart and left me to pick up the pieces
• We finally got our washer and dryer hooked up! Goodbye laundrymat!
• We visited Grants family last weekend and his stepmom gave me quite the compliments on how great Im looking. I blushed. lol
• It was Banditos birthday on Friday - he is now two years old
  

And I will end this blog with some pictures of my baby boy when we first brought him home, and now two years later :)