Inspired? Most defintely!

So I think Im coming down with a sinus infection, and Im pretty sure I may have caught it from a coworker. I catch sinus infections way to easy. So yesterday I could feel the head cold, and the sneezing was out of control. And today I had the achey feeling in my body, and was freezing all day. So I decided to just take it easy when I got home tonight.

Curled up in my chair with a blanket, dog in lap, and decided to watch Spirit of the Marathon. This is a documentary on a six different people and their experience on training and running the Chicago marathon. It was only in theaters for a few nights earlier this year, and I missed it. So have waited a long 9 months for this to hit DVD. I think right now is a great time to get inspired by a running documentary.

Ive seen a few running documentaries and they usually lose my interest 20 minutes in. But my eyes were glued to the screen through this whole film. It was better than I expected! I felt like I knew these people, and they all were so different. There were two elite athletes, Deena Caster (Olympic bronze medalist) and Kenyan Daniel Njenga. Than there was some first timers, a single mom (with an adorable supportive daughter!), and a 27 year old woman that was running for charity. There was also a husband/wife team that have run many marathons together, and were hoping to qualify for the Boston in this one. My favorite people in the movie was a 60 something father running with his daughter. This man was a inspiration to us all! Everyone was so easy to relate to, there was something in each of them that I could see in myself. They also showed these old clips of the different marathons from the beginning to now, and told the history of the marathon. That was really cool :)

The documentary followed them through their training, so it was interesting to see the different styles of training. And it followed them through the health expo, picking up their race packets, and preparing the night before a race. Its funny to see the different rituals runners go through before a race day :) When it got to the point where it was race day, they followed them through the race. It was so intense and emotional for me. From how hard those elite runners really work, to the first timers just trying to get to the finish line. It reminded me of my own first half marathon (I know only half right?) I ran earlier this year. I can remember every mile, what I was thinking, how I felt....and how I was such an emotional wreck the last mile! As tears rolled down my face, Grant says...did you like it? I said, I LOVED IT!!!

I think both runners and non runners could enjoy this film. I know its definitely re-inspired me :)

Losing Focus or Refocusing?

So its been exactly a month since I posted the entry, Ive Become That Girl. I feel like such a phony. I sure can talk the talk, but cant walk the walk. Seriously. I weigh exactly the same as I did when I posted that blog. I guess its time to ask myself why? What am I doing? What am I not doing? Im in denial. I think Im doing things right, but in reality Im not. Sure Im doing better than I was, and not gaining anymore weight. But thats not enough. Doing the minimum just isnt going to cut it. The scale and the way my clothes fit definitely are telling me that!

So am I losing focus again? Or am I ready to just adjust. Refocus and keep at it. I would like to think Ill refocus. I lose focus way to much, and need to put a stop to that. I feel like Ive blogged this before. One to many times actually.

So in attempt to refocus, I planned out weeks of workouts. I did end up signing up with Jazzercise, so now that I put money down Ill definitely be going there a few times a week. And looks like Ill have a running partner soon, which makes me nervous, but happy at the same time :) Im still debating on the step class. It starts the first week of November. If I can get a good deal I may sign up. Hopefully doing things that are fun, or meeting people to hold me accountable will give me that boost I need. Because clearly Im not able to do it with the way Im doing things!

Races always have motivated me to....so I think Ill look up some races to run. And Im asking my blog readers to give me some tough love. I think I need it. Time to put on the big girl pants, and stop whining! I will post progress pictures next month because there WILL BE progress!

Tag, Im it!

So I got tagged by Andrew (which I just learned Roder's real name by this tag game). What kind of tag do you ask? Well tag where I have to tell you 6 random facts or interesting things about myself.

I was tagged sometime last year, so lets make sure I don't give the same random 6 facts ;)

1. I have been held up by gun point twice in my life. I think that's one to many times! Once at a rave in really ghetto part of Detroit (I probably deserved it), and than when I was visiting a friend in Dallas. Friends I met online actually. LOL And we got robbed in the first hour of meeting each other. Bad luck? Maybe not. We helped put that guy in jail. He was known as the one eyed bandit, and was robbing people from Northern Dallas to Southern Dallas for 6 months! Everything happens for a reason ;)

2. I've always wanted to be an athlete. I played every single sport known in highschool, and sucked at every single one. I was the one the moms yelled at because I should have been benched. Damn sports moms. lol When I ran my half earlier this year, I finally felt like an athlete :)

3. I dont own one piece of makeup. Never have. I dont know how to apply it, and if I tried Id probably look like a clown. I guess my freckles are my makeup, theres enough of them! Although when I was about 13 I did try to steal a blush brush (is that what its called? that big fluffy brush? ), so I would look cool in front of my friends. I so got caught.

4. I have been going to school off and on since 1998 trying to finish my bachelors. Im probably only at a sophomore level. And wonder if I'll ever finish it. Its quite embarrassing actually. Especially when I practically can go for free. (Indian Tuition Waiver)

5. Heres a good one. I pretty much invented Bananas in Pajamas. You know the cartoon guys? I use to have these really bad dreams about them when I was a kid. They would chase me while wearing these crazy pjs. Wouldnt you know years later when I was in high school, that nightmare become reality. So my oh so great friends bought me the doll for Christmas.

6. One of my guilty pleasures is sending people cards. Im that person who goes into Hallmark and spends hours and hours picking out cards. I have a card organizer and have cards for every single occasion. Finding the perfect card is so satisfying :)

Give Step A Chance

So its been a trying week. It seems every month, the week of the anniversary of the day my dads passing, my depression sinks deeper. I know its coming, so I thought maybe I could better prepare for it this month. That didnt work out so well for me. Instead I found myself sitting on the couch in a daze from the time I got home from work, till the time I went to bed.

So a friend I carpool to work with asked me how my night was, did I get out for a run like I wanted to? And I hung my head in shame, and said no. It was another one of those days, if you know what I mean. She has seen me on those days, so she knew exactly what I meant. So she perked up and said, I have an idea. Why dont you come to yoga and step class with me tonight? I looked over at her and said, Step? At your level? I may just die if I do that. lol Than I thought, why not? I could use a workout beating. And have never tried an actual Yoga class. (Only dvds)

So I gave Step a chance. First the instructor had a great story. She joined the Y when she was overweight, and after being there for a year she lost enough weight that they wanted to do a success story on her. Than she started her certification to be an instructor, and now she is doing that as her full time job. She has that fit, healthy look that I strive for. Our body types were very similar to, so its always inspiration to see where people have been, and where they are now. She is a great instructor. She gave good instructions, especially for those of us that are a little slow. And she pushes your limits enough where you push above your threshold but not to hard, ya know?

This was a 60 minute class, so about halfway through I did glance over at my friend and said....damn you took me to exercise hell! It was a good hell though. I seriously havent worked out that hard probably ever. Or sweated that much either! I was able to keep up, so that was a bonus. There were a few hip skipping moves I couldnt catch on to, but for the most part hung in there. It made me feel like maybe I wasnt as out of shape as I thought I was :) I think all that walking Ive been doing really helped me legs out the next day to. lol When I was done, I felt fantastic! Seriously. I want that feeling every week. And that depression, well lets just say my world felt a little bit brighter that night and the next day :)

So now I want to sign up. Its a little pricey, the classes are an additional cost to the membership. So Im still crunching numbers to see if it fits into my budget. Another perk is I know that my friend will keep me accountable to keep going. She said Ill pick you up on the way every week. Nothing more accountable than someone sitting in your driveway waiting to pick you up. :p

So maybe Im not so opposed to group exercise as I thought I was.

Jazzercise

On Saturday I decided to try Jazzercise. The first class was free, so I figured why not try it out. I was a little nervous since for one I suck at group exercise. It takes me quite sometime to catch on to the moves. I swear sometimes I feel like I have two left feet. Also, stepping out of my comfort zone looking like a chubalub is not always fun. Lastly, I honestly thought it was going to be cheesy. But I was pleasantly surprised by the class.

There are all ages in the class, and all different fitness levels. And everyone was really friendly which made it even more relaxing. The classes are 60 minutes, and its a combination of dance, pilates, yoga, kick-boxing, and resistance training. It starts off with a little warm up, than you do cardio, strengthening, and stretching. All of this is done to Top 40's, country, jazz, and everything in between. Some moves felt silly, but they were fun. I could feel my heart rate pumping, and calories burning. :) And I did have two left feet, I was catching on to the moves by the end of each song. LOL I sweated quite a bit, and felt like I got a good workout in by the end. Im defintely feeling the burn today to. Although that could be due to not using these muscles for awhile. LOL

I just wonder if after a month or so, if it would be effective or not. If I would feel like its really pushing me to the fitness level I want. Its really hard to judge by just one class though. At this point any exercise is helpful though! Look at me talking about if it will push me to a certain fitness level, like Ive ever even been at that point before. lol

The location I went to, if you sign up you can go to two different facilities. Which has 2 different instructors at each location, so it would be mixed up a bit. And they do offer 3 different types of jazzercise. So they are running a special right now and Im going to give it a whirl. I figure its something I enjoy, and have fun doing...and it is a 60 minute workout. So why not. I can use heavier handweights as time goes on, so we will see how I feel about it in a few months. The special is for the rest of the year, and pretty cheap. So Ill reassess after that. If I still enjoy it, its on a month to month contract so its not like your locked in for a year or two.

Jazzercise..me? Who would of thunk?

Now besides that I had the most kickass run today. The kind of run where you feel like your gliding, and could run forever. It was a great way to clear my head with the recent events going on in my life. Its been a good weekend. :)

3 Day Season Coming To An End

First let me thank all of you for your wonderful comments on my last blog. I really appreciate the encouragement :)

So I walked in the Michigan Breast Cancer 3 Day this past weekend. It was probably my favorite walk so far. It was a really nice weekend honoring the memory of my dad and Dawn. Lots of tears, and I could feel some healing taking place. It was especially hard due to it being the same route as last year. So I could literally see my dad and Dawn standing at opening and closing cermonies, and the cheering stations where they were last year. But not only were they in those spots, but they were with me every step of the way. :) Michigan raised $7.2 million! The highest Michigan has ever raised! The people, the stories, the memories have inspired and motivated me. I get teary eyed thinking about the event!

I vowed to not walk next year. And was good about not signing up for 09 at camp. I know Im burning myself out, and will be planning my wedding next year so decided it would be best if I completely take a year off. But as the event was coming to an end on Sunday, I knew I had to be part of it next year. So Ill be signing up once I find the discount code, and wont be walking, but signing up to crew next year. I just have to be part of such an amazing event! I saw Jim at the end, and he is looking mighty trim I'll say. :)

While Im sad that my 3 Day Season has come to an end, I will admit Im really looking forward to getting in a more consistent routine. In all areas of my life. Im debating if Im going to join the community center again or not. I cancelled my membership while training for the 3 day because I just wasnt getting my moneys worth. A friend and I thought about joining the Fitness 19 by our house, so may go check that out. On Saturday Im actually going to check out the local Jazzercise center. heh The first class is free, and than you can decide if you want to join or not. I figure its something new, and if I find someone to meet there Ill feel accountable. We shall see. I am not really good at group exercise so not sure how it will work out.

Im slowly trying to get my eating under control. Its a hard thing to do after doing the 3 day. On top of that, my emotions have been all over the place again. My mother and I have had a very strained relationship since my dad passed. We have always had not so great relationship. And now that my dad is gone, there is no buffer between us. She has already started having "man friends". And she pulled a very selfish act this past weekend that I seriously cant even bring myself to type about. After that episode, I havent heard from her. But than I received a letter from her today in the mail that I wont go into details about. But I will say she is being very manipulative, selfish, and completely inappropriate. She informed me she is getting married. Its been almost 5 months since my dad passed, and 4 months since she met this man. While I do understand that she needs companionship, and is moving on with her life...its still very difficult. Especially when its being forced upon me when Im clearly not ready for it. I just wish she would put herself in my shoes for once, and realize I need time. Time to grieve. Time to heal. Than time to adjust. Sadly, I do think cutting ties with her for a little while is probably vital for my own mental well being. She is literally robbing me of my grieving and healing process. Everytime I start to feel like progress is being made, she drops some selfish bomb on me, and its all about her. Its causing a lot of anxiety and stress in my life. Its sad to feel like Ive lost both parents. Thankfully my future in laws have really stepped in lately. Im feel truly lucky to have them.

So the emotional eating is at an all time high, but Im trying my best to keep it in check. Just taking things one day at a time. With the advice of my therapist, Ive started to keep a thought journal on my eating patterns. Im learning how to identify when my thoughts are reality or fantasy. Its been an eye opener. Im looking forward to really grasping hold of my emotional eating.

Phew! Its been a rough 5 days. I think some downtime with the family is in order. Till next time FAT ;)