My Own Worse Enemy

Well hello there FAT. I think it may be in my best interest to start blogging again. Im not sure what I want nor need right now. One thing was clear to me today, I have to stop falling down this fast slippery downward slope Im on. I have let myself slip away. It has been 45 days since my dad has died. And I have managed to pack on 20 lbs in that short time period.

20 lbs! Seriously Melissa. I know better than this. Yet I cant control it. I keep shoveling food in my mouth like its going out of style. Some days I come home from work, take a nap, wake up and eat for two hours while watching bad tv, and than retire to bed. Some days Ill throw along a few beers in that mix just to make going to bed a little easier. I know what Im doing. Im completely aware of it. I dont do anything to stop it. Not one thing.

While today I didnt do an actual workout, I did do something different. I started my normal routine of heading to the bedroom for an after work nap. I laid there for a minute and said, no you need to do something else. So I got up and decided to clean. My house is a mess. With the shedding the dogs are doing, it needed a good cleaning. So I did just that. 2 hours of cleaning, and threw in bathing the dogs to. It was nice to be moving around. Its a start. I couldnt shove food in my mouth while doing that, so thats a plus.

These rainy days arent helping. My dad loves the rain. We would sit on the porch and just listen to the rain. The rain also derails my 3 day training. Im a wimp and wont go walk in the rain alone. Jen, my friend that is doing the 3 day with me is out of town for another week or she would have me out there in the rain. Gosh I could really use her this week. The Boston 3 Day is in 8 weeks! Insane how fast it snuck up. I feel totally undertrained, but am not to worried about it. I know once Jen gets back in town we will be back to a regular scheduled plan, and knock out the next 8 weeks strong. I think I need that right now.

So blogging it will be. I need some sort of accountability of all the negative things Im doing to myself right now. Im 15lbs away from my highest weight ever. Thats completely unacceptable, even with the events that has happened in my life.