Surround Yourself Around Positivity

That is what Ive been trying to do. Ive taken note that grieving is a one step forward, two step back process. When Im having a good day, I know a few bad days will follow. Its just how the cycle has been. But if Im surrounding myself around positivity than I can at least make those bad days a little bit better. Last week was like a 6 step back kind of week. Probably the hardest week since he passed. I really struggled through the week to try to not fall into the depression hole. I decided to go out and meet some other 3 day walkers for a training walk on Saturday. Best decision I made all weekend. Its like positivity to the extreme. Even though it was raining on us through the entire 3 hour walk, we didnt care. We shared ideas, experiences, and excitement for the upcoming 3 day. Its just what I needed. Unfortunately the rain and wet feet gave me a few blisters, but it was bound to happen sooner or later.

And the cycle repeated itself today. Great day yesterday, not so great day today. I allowed some sadness, but than joined Grant in cooking dinner and my mood brightened. I tried to not put all my focus on the sadness in my heart, but redirect some of those emotions on the connection I was having with Grant. I can definitely say theres been an improvement on how Im handling my emotions.

I can also gladly say the scale is moving in the right direction again. The house literally had no food in it, so Grant and I did a intense grocery shopping session yesterday. Preparation has always been a key to success with me. So Im going back to the basics. Preparing for each day, and being consistent. I simply just want to make sure Im doing something active everyday. And working towards one small goal each day. Ive need to take one day at a time, since that is how Im handling the rest of my life.

Im happy to say, this has been one of my better weekends. Speaking of preparation, I better go prepare for my Monday :)

My Own Worse Enemy

Well hello there FAT. I think it may be in my best interest to start blogging again. Im not sure what I want nor need right now. One thing was clear to me today, I have to stop falling down this fast slippery downward slope Im on. I have let myself slip away. It has been 45 days since my dad has died. And I have managed to pack on 20 lbs in that short time period.

20 lbs! Seriously Melissa. I know better than this. Yet I cant control it. I keep shoveling food in my mouth like its going out of style. Some days I come home from work, take a nap, wake up and eat for two hours while watching bad tv, and than retire to bed. Some days Ill throw along a few beers in that mix just to make going to bed a little easier. I know what Im doing. Im completely aware of it. I dont do anything to stop it. Not one thing.

While today I didnt do an actual workout, I did do something different. I started my normal routine of heading to the bedroom for an after work nap. I laid there for a minute and said, no you need to do something else. So I got up and decided to clean. My house is a mess. With the shedding the dogs are doing, it needed a good cleaning. So I did just that. 2 hours of cleaning, and threw in bathing the dogs to. It was nice to be moving around. Its a start. I couldnt shove food in my mouth while doing that, so thats a plus.

These rainy days arent helping. My dad loves the rain. We would sit on the porch and just listen to the rain. The rain also derails my 3 day training. Im a wimp and wont go walk in the rain alone. Jen, my friend that is doing the 3 day with me is out of town for another week or she would have me out there in the rain. Gosh I could really use her this week. The Boston 3 Day is in 8 weeks! Insane how fast it snuck up. I feel totally undertrained, but am not to worried about it. I know once Jen gets back in town we will be back to a regular scheduled plan, and knock out the next 8 weeks strong. I think I need that right now.

So blogging it will be. I need some sort of accountability of all the negative things Im doing to myself right now. Im 15lbs away from my highest weight ever. Thats completely unacceptable, even with the events that has happened in my life.