Commit

Its almost over. The holidays, the month, and the year. Was this my best month yet? Absolutely not. I hope I can come out of this month without gaining. I will be content with that. That means I will need to lose a half pound today to come out even. Im sure that is doable.

I dont know whats going on with me lately. I dont necessarily think its a funk, because usually those just last a few weeks for me. This has been ongoing for the whole month. I just been really off. In all areas of my life it seems. A lot of negative talk has come back in place, which isnt helping matters. I need to refocus. Earlier this week I said enough is enough. Slowly Ive been eating better each day. Not perfection or even close to perfection. But better, and improving each day. Eating in this mind frame is always a struggle though. As for exercise well we were swamped over the holidays, which isnt any reason not to work out, but I didnt. I was planning on doing a race on NYE, and have been going back and forth if I am going to do it or not. As of Friday I hadnt ran in 10 days. And this is a 4 mile race, which is a little more intense than a 5K for me...especially since Ive only ran 4 miles one time. But I said you know what, commit Melis. Commit already. None of this shoulda, coulda, woulda. Live for today because who knows whats going to happen tomorrow. So I got out on Friday and did 4 miles. It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. And than on Saturday I went out and did 3 miles. So yesterday I officially went and registered, so a 4 mile run is what I will be doing NYE at 4pm. Im debating if I will run today or not. Figure Ill rest up for tomorrow. Please let the winds be minimal, since it is on an island and I hear the winds get you from both directions. Maybe I need that little kick in the ass from mother nature.

Its been a hard month, but the last 6 months have been pretty decent. So what better way to end this year than on a positive note. And I think being in the race atmosphere will bring my mood up and maybe kick some motivation into me :) Two things I could use desperately right now.

I updated my layout....damn I didnt realize we had so many new members. Sorry Ive been slacking on the comments lately. Ive also revamped my goals for 2008. I feel 2008 is going to be my year. I havent had one year yet where I felt it was "my year". I deserve one.

That Bandito!

So just thought Id check in. Life has been busy but good. I have been enjoying all the get togethers. We had Grants Christmas work party Friday night. Dinner and a comedy show. His boss is a riot, he had everyone singing christmas carols when we walked from the restaurant to the comedy club. He works for such a great man. He really shows his appreciation for his employees, and is so genuine about it. Those type of bosses and companies are a needle in a haystack! I love his work parties, they are always a great time!

Last night we had Christmas with my sisters, and we got a family picture. Bandito just couldnt help but add his holiday cheer to the picture. Click on the picture to enlarge and you will see what Im talking about. That silly dog.

Im feeling like crap. Absolute crap. And I know its from all the beer Ive been drinking, and all the crap Ive been eating. I did get in plenty of water today, and only ate a sub but yet my stomach is still twisting and turning. The next two days are pretty low key for us. Tomorrow we head to Grants dads, and theres about 8 of us. Im pretty good keeping myself in check around them. And Im bringing some framboise, so I wont be drinking more beer which always results in feeling bloated. And on Christmas we are heading to my moms in the afternoon, it will just be the four of us and all the dogs of course. I did great at Thanksgiving at her house, so Im sure Ill be fine. Exercise needs to be done. I was going to go jogging today but the weather was so brutal..it just didnt happen. Doesnt look like the weather is going to let up, so I need to figure out something. Tomorrow Ill probably pop in a dvd before he head out to Grants dads. I need to.

I found out some bad news last night. Remember my friend Dawn that has breast cancer? Well her family and her have decided to stop treatment and hospice is in place. Im still processing the news, but while out today trying to get some last minute shopping done I could feel that I was just in a daze going through the motions. Im so angry, yet so sad. All of us that did the 3 day together in 2004 are trying to work out a day where we all are going to go see her next week. Please keep Dawn and her family in your thoughts and prayers. Next years walk is going to be so hard, but this is why I do this walk, and will continue to walk every year until there is a cure. :(

Well we are heading out to buy the doggies their presents and than going to see Juno. Hope all of you are doing better than me :-/

Never Giving Up

I wasnt sure what to blog about and didnt really feel like blogging about my daily woes (since it sounds like the same old story) so found a quote that feels fitting for my life this week.

"Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still." - Chinese Proverb

Lately it often feels like Im standing still. And reading this quote today reminded me that moving slowly definitely has an upper hand on standing still. Sometimes I think doing little is almost like standing still. But something is better than nothing. So standing still shouldnt even been on my agenda, or in my vocabulary. As frustrated as I get because things are moving slowly I have to remember that moving slowly is better than not moving at all. So when I have a mishap, and I let it get me down and do absolutely nothing that is when I am standing still. If I have a mishap but get right back on track, I am moving slowly. Moving slowly is the way I want to go. When I give up by standing still, I am failing. And failing is when I quit, and Im not a quitter. Ive never been a quitter so why should I start now? So every situation that is "slow moving" is another learning opportunity for me. I need to take advantage of that learning opportunity to make me stronger the next time it comes up.

I guess this is still like my same old blogs. lol I think the more I pound this into my brain, the more Ill practice it. Every meal, every snack just seems like such a hard decision lately. This holiday season really has thrown me for a loop. Today at work someone was asking me for advice on how to lose weight, eat healthier, and workout. That did feel good. And she said you look so thin today. That was also nice to hear. Especially when I feel like Im the total opposite right now. I think I really need to go jogging. That always pumps me up and gets me feeling good and on track. I wish the sidewalks were clear and it wasnt icey. I have Saturday - Tuesday off. Im voluntarily going in next week Wed - Fri. We shut down (automotive industry), but since I work in accounts receivable the money keeps coming in so we have the option to work. We get to use the days as comp days in the following year. And with two 3 days, I need the extra days. The nice thing is we can wear whatever those days, so Ill bring my workout gear or just wear some sweats and go jogging right after work. Im wondering if Ill still be able to do the 4miler race on NYE with the weather the way it is...I hope so!

Blogging, Milestone, and Control

So a lot of the times I only blog from work. My desktop at home died probably around 1.5 years ago. I never wanted to put out the money to buy a new one, well more like never had the money. And Grant has a desktop and a laptop, so I would always jump on his desktop if I needed to use it at night. Well now that its winter and the basement is FREEEEZZZING, I barely go on it. So Ill jump on his laptop when hes not using it. Which is usually why my blogs can be scarce. Well last night I got an early Christmas present. Grant couldnt keep it a secret any longer. I got a laptop! I was sooo surprised! Im am going back to school in the Spring, and trying to get my degree done (been going for the last 10 years off and on), so its really is the perfect gift. I am so geeked, as you can see my cheesy grin in that picture. So blogging at night is a must do now ;)

Life has been pretty much the same as last week. Ill have a good day, than a bad day. No consistency..which is something I need. I really am letting my willpower go, and I dont know whats come over me. Its like one taste of that sugar and I cant stop. I know my moods probably have something to do with it lately. Also Ive also been hanging out with some new friends, and a lot of Lia Sophia functions. There has been spreads like you wouldnt believe. So I may be even using food as an security blanket in social situations. Especially since the people Im around seem to be indulging in all the food themselves. Im still digging into this social aspect and trying to figure out if Im replacing food with what use to be alcohol....interesting thought. In reality, food makes me feel better and even more secure (that sounds weird typing that out), this is an ongoing problem Im aware of but have yet to master controlling it. My weight has been fluctuating up and down, up and down. I am the only one to blame, I lost control.

This past weekend I did have a milestone. I jogged my first 4 miler. I did it in about 45 minutes. I just found a comfortable pace, and went with it. I felt pretty good during and after. We had this snow storm so jogging is out of the question right now. Its a little icy, and the sidewalks arent clear. Im hoping maybe I can get out to the community center after work this week and again on the weekend. I think their path may be clear. Other than that Ive did nothing except one workout to a DVD. Although maybe I can count shoveling snow, and walking in 3 miles christmas shopping as exercise :p

Its a little embarrassing. All that talk I said about this is my month. Maybe I should learn to walk the walk. It feels like I almost jinxed myself! I still have two weeks left, I can still turn it around and that is exactly what I have to do. Can I do it? I sure hope so. Sadly at this point, not gaining any weight seems like it may be a miracle!

So when I got home today I planted my butt on the couch, and was figuring out what I was going to do with my evening. Did not want to work out. So I started browsing through some old pictures, thought it may motivate me. Grant came home and asked if I worked out yet? I said no, but I should. And he said yeah you should or your going to be mad at yourself. So I did. And it felt good. I can tell Im super bloated from all the sugar Ive had lately. I feel gross and my stomach is pretty nasty. That should be motivation enough! I compared some before/after pictures and saw how far Ive come.

Its crazy how you come so far and than you hit these roadblocks...its like I know what I have to do so why am I not doing it? I post these blogs from time to time and its like the same old song. I seriously just need to get it together, and realize I control who and what I want to be. I wonder if I can handle indulgement, because it appears that when I do indulge is when I go way off track. I need to figure out how to indulge in moderation, and get right back on track after it. Or notice when there are certain times I simply cant handle indulging so shouldn't do it.

Finding My Groove

Tip # 12 - Shop when full. Shopping on an empty stomach can lead to overeating on the unhealthy food court fare. Also stash some emergency healthy snacks in your car or purse. Try nuts, whole grain crackers, and dried fruit.

Boy oh boy do I know this tip all to well. I have gone grocery shopping on an empty stomach one to many times. Bad, bad idea! Ive learned to always eat before any shopping now. Im going Christmas shopping this weekend actually...so I will make sure Im filled up so I dont cave into the cinnabuns, pretzels with cheese, or cookies I see!

So the funk is still here...it comes and goes at different times. I did exactly what you all said and worked out even though I didnt want to. When I got home from the doctors it was close to dark, so I popped in a workout dvd and squeezed that in before a Lia Sophia party. I was happy that I did it when I was done, so thank you for those comments yesterday. Today I had court at 9:30am, so I was off from work in the morning. So I woke up early and went out for a jog. I only got in 2 miles, but its better than nothing. I was going really slow to, but that didnt bother me. It felt like a nice pace and I was doing something! I have found myself snacking to much though. First it started last night by going to the party without eating dinner. So I munched on all kinds of bad foods...Doritos, yogurt covered cookies, eclair chocolate puffs, etc. I did taste some yummie rasberry beer...not sure how bad that was though. And at work today I wasnt much better! A few chocolate carmel corns (sounds gross, but they were yummie), and I ate a bag of Salt and Vinegar chips at lunch. I think its that time of the month where Im getting those cravings. So I need to work through those with healthier options. I need to nip this in the butt right away, or it could end badly. So I will bring my own healthy snacks the rest of the month...thats the only way I wont snack on those not so good foods!

I need to go back and read some blogs from the beginning of the month...this is suppose to be my month! My time to finish off the year with a bang. Im so close to my weight loss goal and I dont want to take 5 steps back and hate myself in January for it. I will not let my moods/emotions dictate my actions. I am in control, and only me.

So tonight I have another Lia Sophia party, and I will NOT snack on unhealthy treats. And this weekend I will be a successful weekend warrior. Funk you will be gone ;)