Melissa's Journey: Flab to Fab

Hello Out There

2011-01-07T22:52:00.002-05:00

Well hello strangers :) Its been awhile eh?

As much as Id love to pop in here and say how great Ive maintained my loss, and I am in the best shape of my life.....its actually the opposite. I have sadly gained back all the weight and than some. It is what is I suppose. Ive been thinking about starting the blogging up again to just hold myself accountable! I did it before and I can do it again, hopefully for the last time! Hope to reconnect with some of you in the process :)

Check me out over at this blog:

http://lovingimperfectionsperfectly.blogspot.com/

Nothing to new and exciting...

2008-11-23T20:02:00.004-05:00

Its been quite awhile since my last blog, so thought I should pop in. Nothing to new and exciting going on. Ive been having some health problems with my thyroid. Im in between doctors right now, and pretty much out of meds. So things are not going to well physically with me. But Im hanging in there till my appt, which is still 3o days away. Ugh.

Beck and I have been meeting up 3 times a week to go running, and let me tell you it is pretty great. Best motivation you will find :) . I can see such an improvement with each run. And we can actually hold a convo and run now, something I thought was impossible the first few times we ran. lol

Stress is at an al ltime high with the recent events in the auto industry. My company has began the process of eliminating positions, and the schedules for shut downs is pretty intense. We are shut down all this week, the week of Christmas, and than another week within the first 3 weeks of December. Some of our plants are closed from December 15th to January 5th. Its intense. Im just hanging in there and thankful every day that I still have a job. Its going to get worse before it gets better. But its out of my control, so Im trying to keep the worrying at bay...but its not that easy.

But happy things have been happening to, non healthwise related. A coworker of mine won front row Coldplay tickets! So I got to go :) How awesome is that? It felt like a dream. I swear Chris Martin sweated on me. :p And than last week I got to meet Newton Faulkner, and tell him personally how much I adored him. Grant proposed to me at his concert this past April so I got to share that with him to. He thought that was pretty cool :)

The weight is slowly creeping up, and I know its from not being on any thyroid meds. Ive been here before. Its not like Im not working out. So Im trying to stay focused on my eating, and keep at the runs. Its all I can do for now. Those two defintely will aid in keeping the depression low to. With the holidays upon me, and having limited family around its going to be difficult. But I refuse to let this get the best of me. Im stronger than that.

Inspired? Most defintely!

2008-10-23T21:09:00.003-04:00

So I think Im coming down with a sinus infection, and Im pretty sure I may have caught it from a coworker. I catch sinus infections way to easy. So yesterday I could feel the head cold, and the sneezing was out of control. And today I had the achey feeling in my body, and was freezing all day. So I decided to just take it easy when I got home tonight.

Curled up in my chair with a blanket, dog in lap, and decided to watch Spirit of the Marathon. This is a documentary on a six different people and their experience on training and running the Chicago marathon. It was only in theaters for a few nights earlier this year, and I missed it. So have waited a long 9 months for this to hit DVD. I think right now is a great time to get inspired by a running documentary.

Ive seen a few running documentaries and they usually lose my interest 20 minutes in. But my eyes were glued to the screen through this whole film. It was better than I expected! I felt like I knew these people, and they all were so different. There were two elite athletes, Deena Caster (Olympic bronze medalist) and Kenyan Daniel Njenga. Than there was some first timers, a single mom (with an adorable supportive daughter!), and a 27 year old woman that was running for charity. There was also a husband/wife team that have run many marathons together, and were hoping to qualify for the Boston in this one. My favorite people in the movie was a 60 something father running with his daughter. This man was a inspiration to us all! Everyone was so easy to relate to, there was something in each of them that I could see in myself. They also showed these old clips of the different marathons from the beginning to now, and told the history of the marathon. That was really cool :)

The documentary followed them through their training, so it was interesting to see the different styles of training. And it followed them through the health expo, picking up their race packets, and preparing the night before a race. Its funny to see the different rituals runners go through before a race day :) When it got to the point where it was race day, they followed them through the race. It was so intense and emotional for me. From how hard those elite runners really work, to the first timers just trying to get to the finish line. It reminded me of my own first half marathon (I know only half right?) I ran earlier this year. I can remember every mile, what I was thinking, how I felt....and how I was such an emotional wreck the last mile! As tears rolled down my face, Grant says...did you like it? I said, I LOVED IT!!!

I think both runners and non runners could enjoy this film. I know its definitely re-inspired me :)

Losing Focus or Refocusing?

2008-10-22T20:46:00.003-04:00

So its been exactly a month since I posted the entry, Ive Become That Girl. I feel like such a phony. I sure can talk the talk, but cant walk the walk. Seriously. I weigh exactly the same as I did when I posted that blog. I guess its time to ask myself why? What am I doing? What am I not doing? Im in denial. I think Im doing things right, but in reality Im not. Sure Im doing better than I was, and not gaining anymore weight. But thats not enough. Doing the minimum just isnt going to cut it. The scale and the way my clothes fit definitely are telling me that!

So am I losing focus again? Or am I ready to just adjust. Refocus and keep at it. I would like to think Ill refocus. I lose focus way to much, and need to put a stop to that. I feel like Ive blogged this before. One to many times actually.

So in attempt to refocus, I planned out weeks of workouts. I did end up signing up with Jazzercise, so now that I put money down Ill definitely be going there a few times a week. And looks like Ill have a running partner soon, which makes me nervous, but happy at the same time :) Im still debating on the step class. It starts the first week of November. If I can get a good deal I may sign up. Hopefully doing things that are fun, or meeting people to hold me accountable will give me that boost I need. Because clearly Im not able to do it with the way Im doing things!

Races always have motivated me to....so I think Ill look up some races to run. And Im asking my blog readers to give me some tough love. I think I need it. Time to put on the big girl pants, and stop whining! I will post progress pictures next month because there WILL BE progress!

Tag, Im it!

2008-10-17T23:13:00.003-04:00

So I got tagged by Andrew (which I just learned Roder's real name by this tag game). What kind of tag do you ask? Well tag where I have to tell you 6 random facts or interesting things about myself.

I was tagged sometime last year, so lets make sure I don't give the same random 6 facts ;)

1. I have been held up by gun point twice in my life. I think that's one to many times! Once at a rave in really ghetto part of Detroit (I probably deserved it), and than when I was visiting a friend in Dallas. Friends I met online actually. LOL And we got robbed in the first hour of meeting each other. Bad luck? Maybe not. We helped put that guy in jail. He was known as the one eyed bandit, and was robbing people from Northern Dallas to Southern Dallas for 6 months! Everything happens for a reason ;)

2. I've always wanted to be an athlete. I played every single sport known in highschool, and sucked at every single one. I was the one the moms yelled at because I should have been benched. Damn sports moms. lol When I ran my half earlier this year, I finally felt like an athlete :)

3. I dont own one piece of makeup. Never have. I dont know how to apply it, and if I tried Id probably look like a clown. I guess my freckles are my makeup, theres enough of them! Although when I was about 13 I did try to steal a blush brush (is that what its called? that big fluffy brush? ), so I would look cool in front of my friends. I so got caught.

4. I have been going to school off and on since 1998 trying to finish my bachelors. Im probably only at a sophomore level. And wonder if I'll ever finish it. Its quite embarrassing actually. Especially when I practically can go for free. (Indian Tuition Waiver)

5. Heres a good one. I pretty much invented Bananas in Pajamas. You know the cartoon guys? I use to have these really bad dreams about them when I was a kid. They would chase me while wearing these crazy pjs. Wouldnt you know years later when I was in high school, that nightmare become reality. So my oh so great friends bought me the doll for Christmas.

6. One of my guilty pleasures is sending people cards. Im that person who goes into Hallmark and spends hours and hours picking out cards. I have a card organizer and have cards for every single occasion. Finding the perfect card is so satisfying :)

Give Step A Chance

2008-10-12T11:00:00.004-04:00

So its been a trying week. It seems every month, the week of the anniversary of the day my dads passing, my depression sinks deeper. I know its coming, so I thought maybe I could better prepare for it this month. That didnt work out so well for me. Instead I found myself sitting on the couch in a daze from the time I got home from work, till the time I went to bed.

So a friend I carpool to work with asked me how my night was, did I get out for a run like I wanted to? And I hung my head in shame, and said no. It was another one of those days, if you know what I mean. She has seen me on those days, so she knew exactly what I meant. So she perked up and said, I have an idea. Why dont you come to yoga and step class with me tonight? I looked over at her and said, Step? At your level? I may just die if I do that. lol Than I thought, why not? I could use a workout beating. And have never tried an actual Yoga class. (Only dvds)

So I gave Step a chance. First the instructor had a great story. She joined the Y when she was overweight, and after being there for a year she lost enough weight that they wanted to do a success story on her. Than she started her certification to be an instructor, and now she is doing that as her full time job. She has that fit, healthy look that I strive for. Our body types were very similar to, so its always inspiration to see where people have been, and where they are now. She is a great instructor. She gave good instructions, especially for those of us that are a little slow. And she pushes your limits enough where you push above your threshold but not to hard, ya know?

This was a 60 minute class, so about halfway through I did glance over at my friend and said....damn you took me to exercise hell! It was a good hell though. I seriously havent worked out that hard probably ever. Or sweated that much either! I was able to keep up, so that was a bonus. There were a few hip skipping moves I couldnt catch on to, but for the most part hung in there. It made me feel like maybe I wasnt as out of shape as I thought I was :) I think all that walking Ive been doing really helped me legs out the next day to. lol When I was done, I felt fantastic! Seriously. I want that feeling every week. And that depression, well lets just say my world felt a little bit brighter that night and the next day :)

So now I want to sign up. Its a little pricey, the classes are an additional cost to the membership. So Im still crunching numbers to see if it fits into my budget. Another perk is I know that my friend will keep me accountable to keep going. She said Ill pick you up on the way every week. Nothing more accountable than someone sitting in your driveway waiting to pick you up. :p

So maybe Im not so opposed to group exercise as I thought I was.

Jazzercise

2008-10-05T21:25:00.010-04:00

On Saturday I decided to try Jazzercise. The first class was free, so I figured why not try it out. I was a little nervous since for one I suck at group exercise. It takes me quite sometime to catch on to the moves. I swear sometimes I feel like I have two left feet. Also, stepping out of my comfort zone looking like a chubalub is not always fun. Lastly, I honestly thought it was going to be cheesy. But I was pleasantly surprised by the class.

There are all ages in the class, and all different fitness levels. And everyone was really friendly which made it even more relaxing. The classes are 60 minutes, and its a combination of dance, pilates, yoga, kick-boxing, and resistance training. It starts off with a little warm up, than you do cardio, strengthening, and stretching. All of this is done to Top 40's, country, jazz, and everything in between. Some moves felt silly, but they were fun. I could feel my heart rate pumping, and calories burning. :) And I did have two left feet, I was catching on to the moves by the end of each song. LOL I sweated quite a bit, and felt like I got a good workout in by the end. Im defintely feeling the burn today to. Although that could be due to not using these muscles for awhile. LOL

I just wonder if after a month or so, if it would be effective or not. If I would feel like its really pushing me to the fitness level I want. Its really hard to judge by just one class though. At this point any exercise is helpful though! Look at me talking about if it will push me to a certain fitness level, like Ive ever even been at that point before. lol

The location I went to, if you sign up you can go to two different facilities. Which has 2 different instructors at each location, so it would be mixed up a bit. And they do offer 3 different types of jazzercise. So they are running a special right now and Im going to give it a whirl. I figure its something I enjoy, and have fun doing...and it is a 60 minute workout. So why not. I can use heavier handweights as time goes on, so we will see how I feel about it in a few months. The special is for the rest of the year, and pretty cheap. So Ill reassess after that. If I still enjoy it, its on a month to month contract so its not like your locked in for a year or two.

Jazzercise..me? Who would of thunk?

Now besides that I had the most kickass run today. The kind of run where you feel like your gliding, and could run forever. It was a great way to clear my head with the recent events going on in my life. Its been a good weekend. :)

3 Day Season Coming To An End

2008-10-01T19:37:00.015-04:00

First let me thank all of you for your wonderful comments on my last blog. I really appreciate the encouragement :)

So I walked in the Michigan Breast Cancer 3 Day this past weekend. It was probably my favorite walk so far. It was a really nice weekend honoring the memory of my dad and Dawn. Lots of tears, and I could feel some healing taking place. It was especially hard due to it being the same route as last year. So I could literally see my dad and Dawn standing at opening and closing cermonies, and the cheering stations where they were last year. But not only were they in those spots, but they were with me every step of the way. :) Michigan raised $7.2 million! The highest Michigan has ever raised! The people, the stories, the memories have inspired and motivated me. I get teary eyed thinking about the event!

I vowed to not walk next year. And was good about not signing up for 09 at camp. I know Im burning myself out, and will be planning my wedding next year so decided it would be best if I completely take a year off. But as the event was coming to an end on Sunday, I knew I had to be part of it next year. So Ill be signing up once I find the discount code, and wont be walking, but signing up to crew next year. I just have to be part of such an amazing event! I saw Jim at the end, and he is looking mighty trim I'll say. :)

While Im sad that my 3 Day Season has come to an end, I will admit Im really looking forward to getting in a more consistent routine. In all areas of my life. Im debating if Im going to join the community center again or not. I cancelled my membership while training for the 3 day because I just wasnt getting my moneys worth. A friend and I thought about joining the Fitness 19 by our house, so may go check that out. On Saturday Im actually going to check out the local Jazzercise center. heh The first class is free, and than you can decide if you want to join or not. I figure its something new, and if I find someone to meet there Ill feel accountable. We shall see. I am not really good at group exercise so not sure how it will work out.

Im slowly trying to get my eating under control. Its a hard thing to do after doing the 3 day. On top of that, my emotions have been all over the place again. My mother and I have had a very strained relationship since my dad passed. We have always had not so great relationship. And now that my dad is gone, there is no buffer between us. She has already started having "man friends". And she pulled a very selfish act this past weekend that I seriously cant even bring myself to type about. After that episode, I havent heard from her. But than I received a letter from her today in the mail that I wont go into details about. But I will say she is being very manipulative, selfish, and completely inappropriate. She informed me she is getting married. Its been almost 5 months since my dad passed, and 4 months since she met this man. While I do understand that she needs companionship, and is moving on with her life...its still very difficult. Especially when its being forced upon me when Im clearly not ready for it. I just wish she would put herself in my shoes for once, and realize I need time. Time to grieve. Time to heal. Than time to adjust. Sadly, I do think cutting ties with her for a little while is probably vital for my own mental well being. She is literally robbing me of my grieving and healing process. Everytime I start to feel like progress is being made, she drops some selfish bomb on me, and its all about her. Its causing a lot of anxiety and stress in my life. Its sad to feel like Ive lost both parents. Thankfully my future in laws have really stepped in lately. Im feel truly lucky to have them.

So the emotional eating is at an all time high, but Im trying my best to keep it in check. Just taking things one day at a time. With the advice of my therapist, Ive started to keep a thought journal on my eating patterns. Im learning how to identify when my thoughts are reality or fantasy. Its been an eye opener. Im looking forward to really grasping hold of my emotional eating.

Phew! Its been a rough 5 days. I think some downtime with the family is in order. Till next time FAT ;)

Ive become THAT girl...

2008-09-21T21:02:00.004-04:00

that I said I would never become again. The girl that has no control over what she puts in her mouth. The girl that even though the weight keeps gaining, still continues to be destructive. The girl whose exercise is on the back burner. Well to an extent, I dont really consider walking, and my sporadic running days a good workout plan.

When did I become that girl again?

Seriously I dont know if Im just down a nasty path or what. Its like Ive giving up. I dont care. I cant find the motivation. I know what I need to do, yet I refuse to do it. I prefer to be unhealthy. Like I feel like punishing myself is acceptable. Its not. My dad dropped dead from a heart attack for goodness sakes. If anything I should be focusing on being healthy. But I cant. I cant dig far enough down to figure out why either.

So when I lost weight earlier this year, I donated my "fat" clothes. I said no way, no how, am I ever going to need these again. Nope. Not me. Well now my clothes are extremely tight, and its pretty nasty seeing me in them. So I attempted to go shopping today. So I can at least look presentable at work. Nothing sucks worse than feeling like a fat slob at work. Now I remember how bad it sucks to shop for clothes when your a bigger size. The thing is Im only one size bigger, but just that one size really is a huge difference. I have rolls in all the places I swore Id never see them again. Im disguisted with what I see. And I had no luck in finding clothes that fit.

I took some pictures hoping that would knock some sense in to me. Seriously, seeing myself like that should be some motivation. Nope. I took those pictures a week ago, and yet I still havent made any changes. What the hell is my problem?

Last year when I finished the 3 day, I said next year I will be in shape for the 3 day. I will be at a healthy weight, and I wont fear the pictures of the weekend. Guess what? Im heavier. I look like a roly poly. Im hoping for cooler weather so I can hide behind a long sleeve baggy shirt. Im fat AGAIN. How many times do I need to go through this?

*sigh*

I know Im in control. Only I can make these changes. I just wish it was more black and white on why I cant stay at a healthy weight. Why I have to continue this vicious cycle time and time again.

Okay Ill stop whining. Ill post these pictures for accountablity. And Ill post pictures every few weeks or so, so I continue to feel accountable. This is embarassing, and ugly. But it needs to be done. Because clearly I am out of control.

Ok, yeah. That sucked. Nice double chin Melis. So here I am, 163lbs. Which is about 20+ lbs heavier than when I was at my half marathon,which was the first weekend of May. So sad. I can only go down from here. Time to get a grip.

Finding my zen

2008-09-09T21:29:00.003-04:00

Phew! Things have gotten really out of whack. Its amazing how fast things can trickle out of order. Its like a domino effect sometimes. While Im trying to find a routine that works best for me, its really seems to be quite the difficult task.

I got a promotion at work, which is a great thing :) But I hate not being great at what I do. Im such an overachiever and want to do the best I can. While I am doing the best I can with what I know, its not at that level where I want it to be. But it is a learning process, and once I get over that first learning curve Ill relax a bit. So its caused a bit of stress. And what does stress do to an emotional eater? You got it.

Thankfully Ive been keeping up with my workouts or Id probably of gained more weight. But Im just maintaining, which is still a lot heavier than I want to be. I need to buckle down on what Im eating. Seriously. Enough is enough. I feel like a broken record. I need to get in control of my emotional eating. I have learned how to handle emotional eating with my grief. This past week the grief has been pretty heavy actually (this weekend is coming up on 4 months since my dad passed), and Ive been able to avoid the binges. Ive been going to a grief support group, and it really has been a HUGE help. Ive learned a process on how to accept the grief. Before I couldnt even identify when its grief, but now I can. I identify it, allow it with a specific time frame, and when that time frame is up I dismiss it. And than I do an activity that is fun, positive, and healthy. Its almost common sense right? But doesnt feel so much like that when its happening. So why cant I apply this process or one similar to it when stress hits? Its pretty much the same concept. It just feels like a totally different ballgame with stress for some reason.

So Im trying to find my zen. Im working on the easier stuff first. The things I know I can get back in order. Ive been able to get the household back in a routine. We have had Rusty for over a month now. And hes adjusted well to the big dogs, as they have to him. I knew there would be an adjustment period, and sometimes I wish I had a third hand. But the process definitely moved a LOT faster than I expected. Im so glad hes here with us. Having them on a schedule is definitely helping me. Even their playtime seems to be the same time everyday. LOL My LS business has been slow, so I have had time to organize my office. And also been able to keep up on the house chores! Its amazing how when things around you get organized how better you feel. Now matter how chaotic your day is...when you come home to a clean, organized space...its like tranquility. Ive started to do more consistent things non exercise related for me as well. Like reading, listening to music, cooking (shhh, dont tell Grant about that one), photography, etc. Things that make me happy, and help me feel centered again. I can feel the zen coming back.....I feel it so close.

Now to put a plan together on this stress emotional eating......

The Boston 3 Day

2008-09-05T23:06:00.014-04:00

The Boston 3 Day was awesome! Ive been so busy since Ive gotten back that I havent had a chance to blog about it. I know I can ramble so Ill try to not make this into a novel. :p

Traveling definitely caused a little bit of chaos in the beginning of the weekend. We got to drop off our gear bags the night before and I didnt grab any of my rain gear. And wouldnt you know mother nature blessed us with rainstorms on that first day. As we started off one the first day the rain clouds definitely were hoovering over us. And as soon as we started walking, we got hit with some heavy rain. It only lasted 3 miles, but boy did I wish I had my rain coat, or even a poncho. About 2 miles in a crew member was passing out garbage bags, and it worked just as great. Kept me warm to! The rain was so hard that I had to take off my glasses, and couldnt see very well. So it was an interesting start. LOL

After those first 3 miles it cleared up and was pretty decent weather most of the day. We walked 18 miles this day, and I felt pretty good all the way through. As we hit the last leg of 3 miles, I noticed some dark rain clouds hoovering over us. Sure enough the rain started to come again. This time we had ponchos :) It was torrential downpour. The streets and sidewalks were flooded. And at one point we were walking on the shoulder so the cars were splashing us. Local businesses, and even neighbors were offering their porches, houses, garages for safety. But I know if we stopped we wouldnt be able to finish. So we kept on going. It was actually kind of fun :) We got into camp and were rushed into a school for safety. It was starting to lightening and thunder at that point. We were welcomed with towels, and a badge of honor, a I survived the storm pin! Pins and stickers are such a big thing on the 3 day. :) Turned out that there were storms rolling in all night, so we got to sleep inside the school that night. Unfortunately the hallway we got stuck in had emergency fluorescent lights. Thank goodness for my bandanna or I might not have gotten any sleep!

We woke up Saturday morning to a beautiful day! The sun was shining, the temps were in the low 80's and the humidity was low. Perfect weather! The route on day 2 was amazing. We walked through suburbs, a golf course, parks, and nature trails. I loved it! My feet were a bit tender from the rain, so a blister popped up. And grew pretty big. But nothing good blister care couldnt take care of. We walked 22 miles this day, and arrived into camp about an hour later than the first day. We set up camp, ate dinner, showered, watched the entertainment, and called it a night at 9pm.

The Boston 3 day has these kids helping out, the Youth Corps. These kids are amazing. Thisgroup is made up of 20 kids between the ages of 10-15 years old. They have to apply to be in the Youth Corp. Fill out an application, write an essay on why they want to be part of the 3 day, get interviewed, and than fundraise $400. Only 20 get picked each year. And they get to camp with us, and are there helping at camp, pit stops, cheering on walkers, etc. Its really awesome to see them in action. And their fundraising reached over $20,000! These kids are doing amazing things! Most of them actually walk once they hit 16 to! They got to introduce themselves and why they want to be part of the 3 day, and almost all of them have lost a family member to breast cancer. I hate this disease!

On the last day, the sun was blazing and we walked in it most of the day. Last year I had one injury, sunburnt lips, so I kept applying sunscreen to my lips and everywhere else. Some how I didnt do a good job because my lips had sun poisoning. They swelled out 3 times their size! I looked like I had lip injections. lol This day was physically the hardest for me to. The Boston hills (which according to the natives werent even "real" hills) were starting to make my calves ache.So I was at a much slower pace. Than blisters started to pop up everywhere! Lots of first aid care on this day. But we only had 15 miles and the cheering stations, and people all along the route made the day much easier. We also walked along some beautiful beaches! Cant get that view in Michigan :) They threw in some crosstraining for us at mile 58, stairs! lol Although it felt good to move different muscles. We finished off the walk at U Mass. A really great location, what a beautiful campus. Shortly after finishing we all lined up, and headed into closing ceremonies and heard a pretty emotional closing speech.

1900 walkers, 300 crew members, $5.1 million raised! Amazing.

Here are some pictures if you like to check them out...

http://picasaweb.google.com/cajaya/BostonBreastCancer3Day2008

Im so glad I did it. It was fun to go to a different city and experience it from the Boston point of view. It has similarities to Michigan, but at the same time was very different. I felt pretty decent when I was done. Wasnt even sore on Monday. But I can defintely say last year I was more on top of my training game. Maybe I got a little cocky from last year, and lacked a little bit to much on the training than I should have. Im still pushing out the miles though. Michigan is in 3 weeks, and Im so geeked that I get to experience the 3 day all over again!

P.S. So I guess you can really tell how bad my brain is scattered lately by this post. lol Im all over the place on this blog. Sorry! lol

Im so excited....

2008-08-13T12:47:00.003-04:00

I leave in the morning for the Boston Breast Cancer 3 Day. I cant believe its already here! Its really setting in now, and Im super duper excited. We have really pumped out the training in the last 6-8 weeks, so we shall see how my body reacts out on the walk. I probably wont feel as great as I felt last year...but Im sure Ill survive :) It is going to be a blast!

Rob and Jim you ready for Michigan?! :)

Things have been going okay my way. While Im still struggling with the whole healthy lifestyle as in dealing with my emotions without food, I have made progress. Its a slow process, but its moving forward so thats always great. A group of my friends and I all pitched in and we are doing one of those biggest loser challenges for 8 weeks. We all pitched in $15 to participate. Its similar to the challenges we did on here. The one who loses the most percentage wins the pot. The pot you ask? $510!!!! If that isnt motivation, I dont know what is. Im in second place right now :) I know this week will be off since it is the 3 day, and most likely Ill gain. But Ill be back at it when I get home, and hopefully take first. I so could use that money!

I havent been doing much but walking since Im training for the 3 day. But I hope to implement some weight lifting when I get back in town. Im really looking forward to October because I plan on starting to run again. Ive been itching for that runners high for quite sometime now. Its the only exercise that keeps me focused, and motivated!

Grant and I are OBSESSED with the Olympics. Seriously, we cant pry ourselves away from the coverage. Good thing for tivo so we arent actually sitting and watching all fricken day and night. Its been inspirational to watch those athletes. Michael Phelps....damn that man is a machine! I cant help but jump up and down everytime he competes. :) Its really lit a fire in me to get back on the horse and continue what I started. Ive really started to question my commitment to fitness, and just my healthy lifestyle in general. Im so committed to other things in my life...Grant, my family, work, The 3 Day, etc. So why am I lacking in my commitment to a healthy lifestyle? Treating a healthy lifestyle is just as important as I treat everything else I am commit to. So time to put my words to action. I know what my faults are, I know why I do what I do, now its time to REACT. Stop thinking, and start doing.

First I have to survive the weekend. Which I will. Stay tuned for pictures and 3 day coverage. :)

P.S. Brian, thanks for that Bella picture you posted for me in your journal many moons ago. I go back to it from time to time when Im feeling down. It works everytime :) Give her kisses from her Aunt Melissa :)

Surround Yourself Around Positivity

2008-06-29T20:26:00.004-04:00

That is what Ive been trying to do. Ive taken note that grieving is a one step forward, two step back process. When Im having a good day, I know a few bad days will follow. Its just how the cycle has been. But if Im surrounding myself around positivity than I can at least make those bad days a little bit better. Last week was like a 6 step back kind of week. Probably the hardest week since he passed. I really struggled through the week to try to not fall into the depression hole. I decided to go out and meet some other 3 day walkers for a training walk on Saturday. Best decision I made all weekend. Its like positivity to the extreme. Even though it was raining on us through the entire 3 hour walk, we didnt care. We shared ideas, experiences, and excitement for the upcoming 3 day. Its just what I needed. Unfortunately the rain and wet feet gave me a few blisters, but it was bound to happen sooner or later.

And the cycle repeated itself today. Great day yesterday, not so great day today. I allowed some sadness, but than joined Grant in cooking dinner and my mood brightened. I tried to not put all my focus on the sadness in my heart, but redirect some of those emotions on the connection I was having with Grant. I can definitely say theres been an improvement on how Im handling my emotions.

I can also gladly say the scale is moving in the right direction again. The house literally had no food in it, so Grant and I did a intense grocery shopping session yesterday. Preparation has always been a key to success with me. So Im going back to the basics. Preparing for each day, and being consistent. I simply just want to make sure Im doing something active everyday. And working towards one small goal each day. Ive need to take one day at a time, since that is how Im handling the rest of my life.

Im happy to say, this has been one of my better weekends. Speaking of preparation, I better go prepare for my Monday :)

My Own Worse Enemy

2008-06-25T19:52:00.004-04:00

Well hello there FAT. I think it may be in my best interest to start blogging again. Im not sure what I want nor need right now. One thing was clear to me today, I have to stop falling down this fast slippery downward slope Im on. I have let myself slip away. It has been 45 days since my dad has died. And I have managed to pack on 20 lbs in that short time period.

20 lbs! Seriously Melissa. I know better than this. Yet I cant control it. I keep shoveling food in my mouth like its going out of style. Some days I come home from work, take a nap, wake up and eat for two hours while watching bad tv, and than retire to bed. Some days Ill throw along a few beers in that mix just to make going to bed a little easier. I know what Im doing. Im completely aware of it. I dont do anything to stop it. Not one thing.

While today I didnt do an actual workout, I did do something different. I started my normal routine of heading to the bedroom for an after work nap. I laid there for a minute and said, no you need to do something else. So I got up and decided to clean. My house is a mess. With the shedding the dogs are doing, it needed a good cleaning. So I did just that. 2 hours of cleaning, and threw in bathing the dogs to. It was nice to be moving around. Its a start. I couldnt shove food in my mouth while doing that, so thats a plus.

These rainy days arent helping. My dad loves the rain. We would sit on the porch and just listen to the rain. The rain also derails my 3 day training. Im a wimp and wont go walk in the rain alone. Jen, my friend that is doing the 3 day with me is out of town for another week or she would have me out there in the rain. Gosh I could really use her this week. The Boston 3 Day is in 8 weeks! Insane how fast it snuck up. I feel totally undertrained, but am not to worried about it. I know once Jen gets back in town we will be back to a regular scheduled plan, and knock out the next 8 weeks strong. I think I need that right now.

So blogging it will be. I need some sort of accountability of all the negative things Im doing to myself right now. Im 15lbs away from my highest weight ever. Thats completely unacceptable, even with the events that has happened in my life.

Hiatus

2008-05-16T23:02:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone, just wanted to let you all know Im taking a hiatus from the blogging world for awhile. Didn't want to disappear for awhile and have ya'll think Im one of those F.A.T.er lost in cyber world ;)

My dad passed away early Monday morning from a heart attack. So my life has defintely been flipped upside down. So taking some time to grieve, figure things out, support the family, etc.

Stay Strong Fat. Ill be in touch.

Flying Pig Half Marathon

2008-05-10T12:39:00.006-04:00

I did it! I completed my first half marathon. And I beat my goal by 5 minutes!!! This may be long, so hope you can stick out the read. ;)

The weather was absolutely perfect. Temps were in the lower 60's, and the sun was shining. Perfect day for a race! We got down to the start around 6am, and I lined up at the 2:30 pace and Alli went and lined up at the 4:00 pace.

The 6:30 start came, and nothing was starting. We all were squeezed in like sardines, and were all glancing at our watches. Than a girl in front of me told me how there was a fire and the race was starting 15 minutes late. So we stood around, and I started to get really antsy.

6:45 I hear the gunshot, and we were off. I started off slow, and had to remind myself to stay slow. The first leg we ran over two bridges connecting between Ohio and Kentucky. I started to peel off one of my layers, and I could definitely feel the sweat building up from those hills. I could hear Allis dad in my head from dinner the night before, Take your time with those hills, your in this race for you, Just Take It Slow :) Alli's family is from Michigan, so he knew that our hills were like dirt piles compared to the hills in Cincinnati! I knew that these little rolling hills were nothing compared to what was ahead. So took it slow and took some good deep breaths. The scenery on these bridges was just awesome. And on one of the bridges a guy next to me saw we taking pictures of the scenery and offered to take my picture while I ran. :) Only I would be running and taking pictures right? lol

They had hydration stops every mile, but it was after mile 3 when I took my first water station, so I walked through that since Im not coordinated enough to run and drink. And off I went again. Around Mile 5 there was TONS of fans. It felt like the 3 day! I thought our friend Adriena was there somewhere but I had no idea what she looked like. (we have met online) lol People were yelling Go Melissa! since I had my name on my bib. So I knew Id never figure out who she was. But enjoyed the encouragement from everyone else :) The crowd support was absolutely AMAZING!

I hit another water station after that and shot blocked with that, and than came upon Mile 6. I thought theres your 10k, only 7 miles to go. This was also where "the Climb started". I could feel a small pain in my foot, but just ignored it, and focused on what looked like the hill from hell. I looked up and said, holy shit.

2.5-3 miles all uphill, about a 300 ft incline. Yeah.

It was like you got to what you thought was the the top, and than it went to your right, and up, than to the top of that, and than you went left and up even more. But I ran up the whole thing, and felt pretty amazing when I got up it! I slowed down a bit to catch my breath, but thought damn melissa, look at you go! Near the top, we were at Eden Park , and it was quite a beautiful scenery especially with the sun shining. I stopped and took a few pictures. :)

And I took full advantage of walking through the water stops between the bottom of the climb and the top of it. I Gatorade and watered. I was feeling good hydration wise. While others around me did not look so great. :(

Before I realized it, I saw the sign, Half Marathon to the left, Full Marathon to the Right. Im at mile 9. Look at that. Only 4 miles to go! And I have to say it did feel like a great run. Just as my last 10 mile training run went. But shortly after that thought, is when I had to really play the mental game. While I enjoyed the neighborhood we ran through, I was starting to struggle mentally. It was like one minute I was like sweet, this is great. And than next minute I was thinking, this is the longest mile ever, what did I get myself into! This part started downhill so I had to remember to not get carried away or knew Id start to have knee pain. I felt two blisters forming, one on each foot, right on the ball. Ironically, Alli just asked me the night before how my feet did in training, and I said great! Apparently the buddha wasnt on my side on that one, was he? lol So to keep my mind off the negative critical talk, I searched for the Newton Faulkner tracks. Dream Catch Me - it felt like Grant was with me, and than People Should Smile More, which is my favorite song.

The songs definitely helped! During Mile 9-12, I took each mile by mile and utilized every water station I hit. I said, your at 10 girl. Keep it going. Mile 11, you have never ran this far yet! All these miles were still downhill, and sometimes you wonder if thats better or worse! Than we ran out to which felt the wrong direction, but than did another turn around, and I knew we were coming close to an end. So than I saw the sign, I hit mile 12. I said 1 more mile...you got this! This was the longest mile ever, but I also got a second wind at this point. My legs felt strong, and my body felt great! We rounded a corner and I thought is this it? Than I could hear announcers. And than I saw the gates on the sides. It was divided into two, one side for half, and one side for the full. And I could see the Mile 13 sign. At that point I lost it. The last 6 months was played back in my head, and the tears started. I remember that first day I started the Couch to 5K program, and all the races Ive ran since than. Than I heard, GO MELISSA!!!!! I looked and knew it was Adrienne. I waved and ran right across the finish feeling stronger than ever.

2:25:47

Amazing.

What a great experience. Im so glad I did it, and picked such a challenging course as my first half. The hills just made it so much more rewarding. I only walked through the water stations, and was able to conquer those hills! And still come in under 2.5 hours. Such an empowering feeling. I cant wait till my next one :)

I still cant believe it, I ran my first half marathon :) Running was one of the best things Ive ever decided to do in my life. Hands Down.

Exciting Things Happening

2008-05-03T07:52:00.003-04:00

Life is so good right now. Each day is bringing on a new adventure, and I am truly blessed with everything. First why am I up at 7am?Because I couldnt sleep due to the excitement. Im running in my first half marathon tomorrow! Im heading out in a few hours to Cincinnati. Unfortunately, Grant is not able to go down with me. Im really bummed about it, but trying to make the best of the situation. Im staying with my friend Alli, who is running the full. So I know we will still have a blast. Grants hooked up with the text messages of my progress during the race though :)

Is it possible to be so excited that you feel like you might puke at any moment? Im pretty much at that point. I feel as ready as Im going to be, but am freaking a little bit about the challenging course. Which is hills, hills, hills. Ill reach the highest part of the hills around mile 10. Than its downhill. Maybe Ill just roll into the finish line. LOL All I have to keep remembering is that Im running this race for ME, and ME only. My goal is to finish, and most importantly HAVE FUN!

We had an awesome vacation in Arizona two weeks ago. It was just what I needed! It was my birthday, so it was like a week long birthday vacation. What more can you ask for? We stayed at this amazing resort, in Carefree, AZ. We went on a hot air balloon ride, got massages, hiking, shopping, relaxing by the pool, and horseback riding. I want to go back..better yet move there! Its so much more laid back, and beautiful! How can you be grumpy when walking out your front door and seeing mountains! The hiking is awesome....and what a great place to live to maintain an active lifestyle :)

In other news, on the night we got back from Arizona we had a concert to go to at St. Andrews Hall in Detroit. We were going to see Newton Faulkner. Great show by the way :) St. Andrews Hall was the first place Grant told me he loved me about 7 years ago. During one of the romantic songs, Dream Catch Me, he asked me to sit down with him, and than he gave a wonderful
speech about how romantic of a week it had been, and now we are at the first place he said he loved me. And than down on one knee he went, and asked me to marry him!!!!!! I didnt see that coming at all! Everything about that proposal was absolutely perfect. A perfect ending to a pretty perfect week.

I couldn't be happier to spend the rest of my life with this man. Our relationship had evolved into such a beautiful thing, and it just keeps growing so much stronger. I cant wait to see what the future brings us!

Exciting stuff going on in my life :) Well I have to shower and hit the road. Stay tuned for the race report when I get back.

Spring

2008-04-16T21:23:00.002-04:00

is officially here! Im so happy and embrace it with open arms. So one thing that comes with Spring is Spring cleaning. Over the last week, Grant and I have did some serious Spring cleaning. Im so exhausted from it! It needed to be done. If you could just see all the items we pitched you would be surprised. I would say 40 bags of trash defintely is somewhat of a workout :)

My running has been going okay. My half is in 18 days, so all I do lately is run, eat, sleep, and work. I have been watching the foods I chose to eat, but am not limiting my calories. I need the fuel right now. So not paying so much attention to the weight loss but how Im feeling physically. Im feeling pretty great in that area, and my legs are looking pretty good these days as well :) Im not lifting as much as Id like, but think I can focus more on that once my race is over. It also feels pretty nice to not have to wear layers when I got out for my runs :)

Grant and I leave for vacation on Monday. We are heading to Carefree, AZ. Its a work trip for Grant but his boss has paid for me to go. Sweet eh? Grant is only working a few hours each day so its not like he will be gone 8 hours. We are both looking forward to this time together. And the spa treatment that his boss is paying for us to get. Couples massage, oh I can feel it now :) It will be nice to get some runs with the beautiful scenery there. And it looks like our schedules are jam packed from next week till the end of May. Being busy is good, keeps me on track :)

Meteor 10k

2008-04-10T21:17:00.003-04:00

Last Saturday I ran in my first 10k, The Meteor 10k. It had to be the most fun race I ever ran it, and I rocked it :)

First the weather was PERFECT! It was about 39 degrees, and the sun was shining so it felt like it was probably low 50's. I had to pick up my race packet before the race, since that was the only time it was allowed. So when I got there the line was pretty long. But 5 minutes in line, they started a new line for #300 and up, so that was me. :) So only 10 minutes in line for that. I still had a good 30 minutes till race time. So I went back to the car, and dropped my stuff off. And wandered around for a few.

Soon it was time to line up, I lined up probably at the halfway point. I didnt want to get ran over, so tried to stay more towards the back and off to the side. And off we went. As I turned on my ipod I realized I grabbed bad headphones. The ones I normally wear always fall out of my ears, so I grabbed some other ones. One of the ear buds didnt work. Dang it! But one ear bud working is better than none ;)

I felt I started off at a good pace, and tried to find my rhythm. It was weird because we did a 1 mile loop at the beginning so passed the start line again. Than we routed out to a main road. At mile 1 I was on target for a 10 minute mile. Which is what I maintained on my last race. I still felt pretty good. Mile 2 and 3 were still on the main road, so the scenery wasnt that great. Lots of gawkers in cars. lol I was around 10 - 11 minute miles through those 2 miles. Than after mile 3 we started to go downhill into a bike path/park. I gained some speed there, and just went with it. I literally was just gliding at that point. It felt great! I liked running on the bike path, and it felt familiar. This was part of the 3 day route last year! :)

We reached a water station around mile 3.5, so I walked through that. And than started back up and was a little winded at first but found my rhythm. Mile 4 was the turnaround ( it did feel like a far out for a turnaround) and I noticed I was around 40 minutes although I felt I was going much slower. Sweet! After the turnaround I felt a burst of energy in me, and I kicked it up a notch. My legs were just moving and I was feeling pretty fantastic. At mile 5 I started to get excited and kicked it up another notch. I was really making some good strides at this point. Than a steep hill came up. I so remember this on the 3 day to, this is the exact spot where I realized I had walked 55 miles and felt fantastic. I smiled and said, well here I go. I shortened my strides, and jogged right up that hill like it was nothing. I was a bit winded at the top so slowed down a bit to catch my breath. Glanced at my watch, and said holy crap, could I finish in an hour? I sure could, so went back to the speed I was at before the hill. I did start to choke a bit on my spit. I think I was breathing to hard and dry mouth and it caused choking or something. I have heard of people chewing gummies or something?

Anyhoo, there was one more tiny hill, and the downhill felt nice. Now I could see the finish line, about quarter mile, or maybe a half mile left. A safety woman said now is your time to pass your almost there. I said it sure is, and started sprinting. My strides felt great, and I actually felt like a runner! I pushed it to the end and crossed the finish line around 1:00:40

Later that afternoon they posted the times on runmichigan.com, and I did better than I thought. 1:00:05, my pace was 9:41, and I finished 38th out of 84 in my age group. Overrall 361 out of 713.

What an awesome day.

Im glad I was able to run this race. The half Im running in a few weeks is pretty hilly. I havent had a chance to run to many hills since my neighborhood is relatively flat. So getting in some hills defintely was good practice. Ill know how to pace myself on the hills a little bit better, rather than going in blindsided.

I am so proud of myself. I truly can see the difference in my fitness level, and endurance. I am starting to feel comfortable in running, and am really excited for my half.

Wow Im really going to run in this half marathon. Life is good. :)

Seriously....

2008-04-08T19:16:00.000-04:00

its back!!!! I wonder if I can publish posts...lets see shall we :)

Growth

2008-03-26T20:51:00.005-04:00

So today a friend brought to my attention how proud she is of me on how Ive grown. I guess I sort of seen it but didnt really give it the recognition it deserves. So I will right now :)

Its been a trying week, and Ive been hit with some personal stuff that is stressing me out to the max. This usually would cause a down spiral of eating and drinking. While I have let things control my moods lately, the one thing I can absolutely stay in control of is what goes in my body and what I do with my body. So today when I got home I did something I normally dont, I told myself no. I will admit it was hard. I really wanted to just take a nap, and eat something fried, or something sweet...I even told myself go ahead you will feel better. And than I thought...feel better for a second, but later Ill feel like shit. So I vented a little to a friend, and than decided to put on my running shoes and get out in the sun. Ironic how I asked for nice weather and today it was nice out. I must be in good with mother nature. Ill put in a word for all of you guys to ;)

So I got in my run (which was not the most pleasant task), and guess what? It worked. When I got home I was in a much better mood, and felt more positive. Im sure Grant was pleased with that decision since he has been dealing with the monster of mood swings Ive been having lately. So we cooked dinner, watched American Idol, and wouldnt you know....my night has definitely turned around :)

It feels good to be able to make smart decisions like the one I did today. Sometimes I wonder if Im making progress, because it feels more less than more. But today I guess I did prove to myself, I am making healthier changes. Who would of thought me, Miss Queen of addictions, would use exercise..running at that, as a stress reliever. :)

Workout: 4.5 miles - 51:39 (struggles on my run today, couldnt find my groove)

Calories: 1925

B: Oatmeal w/ cranberries, sausage link
S: Banana
L: Subway Turkey & Cheese w/ bacon, Baked BBQ chips
S: Banana, Reeses 100 calorie wafer bar
D: 2 scrambled eggs, 4 turkey sausage links, 2 pcs of multigrain bread

Accountablity

2008-03-25T20:38:00.001-04:00

So yeah, this definitely is going to whip me in shape. I can already tell that the blogging what I eat is going to help. I passed on a few things today that if I didnt have to announce I ate them, I would have probably indulged. I had some horrible woman pains, (trying to keep it clean for the boys), so normally would want to eat everything in sight but didnt. Yay for that. But the pains were a little to intense so did not workout. I was going to run outside but the winds were insane. So that makes Monday and Tuesday no workout days. Which means I will workout the rest of the week. So bring it Melis. Bring it.

Calories: 1754 - cutting it close!

B: English Muffin w/ Peanut Butter, Oatmeal
S: Banana
L: Subway 6 inch Turkey and Cheese w/bacon
S: Lays Baked BBQ Chips
D: Lasagna w/ 2 pcs of multi grain bread
S: Reeses 100 calorie Peanut Butter Wafer Bar

I definitely need more protein, and fat. I never have felt nutrition is my strong point, so maybe Ill learn a few things during the next month.

Im really really itching for Spring. While I dont mind running in the cold, its getting old. And the wind and snow arent really helping. I have 6 weeks till my half marathon and was hoping to get all my running outside from now on. Its like Spring keeps peeking its head out but just for a tease. I promise Ill be outside and enjoying you Spring, please please come play with me :)

Day 1

2008-03-24T22:21:00.003-04:00

So Im glad Carrie suggested this little challenge, I really need something like this. I can only benefit from it! On that note, I am short on time so just a short blog tonight.

I did not get any workout in. I went straight from the day job to the night job. So just got home and ate dinner at a very late hour. I am starting to track my food again, because I need to feel accountable for one, and it black and white, its staring me at the face if Im doing what Im not suppose to be doing.

Starting Weight: 149.5

Food for today:

B: Yogurt
S: Chex Mix
L: Tuna on lettuce, carrots/celery
S: Cheddar Popcorn
D: Lasagna w/ multiigrain bread

As you can see, I need some work. I came in at 1700 calories, and had 96 ounces of water.

I have been eating junk, and drinking tons of pop lately, so cutting out pop and no fried foods is my goal this week. So goals for this challenge are:

A new mini goal each week
Workout 5 days out of the week
Eat under 1800 calories a day

Just keeping it simple. Grant and I are actually going on vacation to Arizona in April, so the challenge will end right around there. Id love to be in a size smaller than I am now :)

Corktown St. Patricks Day 4 Mile Race

2008-03-18T19:52:00.009-04:00

I love that feeling you get from running a race. I ran in the Corktown St. Patricks Day 4 Mile race this past Sunday. The weather was a bit chilly, and the wind was in full force but that didnt stop all the people coming out. Im not sure of the final count but Im sure there was well over 2000 runners. I do have to say the event was very disorganized. I registered at Total Running beforehand, but still stood in line for 40 minutes to get my chip the morning of the race. And from what I hear they ran out of chips and tshirts. The line of people registering that morning were actually done before those that preregistered.

Anyhoo, the sun left for the race which was a bummer. But as soon as we started running I warmed up. When I crossed the start line I noticed there wasnt a pad, so apparently the chip was only timed at your end time. Well I was 3/4 of the way back in the pack, but if I would of known that the start wasnt timed I may have tried to get closer to the front. I did wear my stop watch, so started it up as soon as I crossed the start line. I used my good ol stop watch in my last 4 mile race because we didnt have chips.

The route was a nice route, it ran through downtown Detroit. We started at old Tigers Stadium, looped around Campus Martius, than ran by Comerica Park (one of my favorite spots), and looped back and we ended at an old Michigan Central train station. Everyone was decked out in their St. Pattys gear, they were pretty entertaining. Along with everyone along the route. There was a parade shortly after the race so the streets were packed.

I kept a pace of 10 minute for each mile, and was pretty pleased with that. Every mile was marked so I kept checking my time with my stop watch. It was a pretty nice run, very comfortable. I found my zone and my feet just glided :) I wasnt sure how that would go due to the drinking I partaked in the night before. lol I did run into a few mishaps - around mile 3 the wind started to blow in my face, so that wasnt to much fun. And I had some side stitches I had to work though. Damn those things are a bitch. I thought I was over those things by now! But I kept on trucking along. I crossed the finish line at 41:37, but my faithful ol stop watch said 39:49 which was more accurate. Which means I shaved 51 seconds off my last 4 mile race time! I was pretty stoked :)

And you have to love a race that passes out beer at the end ;) This race was definitely the motivation I needed. Especially since Im hitting my halfway mark in my training. Its pretty amazing how I compare my first 5k, to this race. I have come so far, and it feels pretty awesome :) Next up is my 10k on April 5th, Im excited for it!

Fighting Back

2008-03-15T18:30:00.002-04:00

So things are still pretty much the same as they were last post. Still fighting the small things everyday. Still trying to gain control. I have been just trying to take each day and each hour as it comes. Seems easy right? I wish it was. My food definitely is on an up and down roller coaster, and slowly Im grasping it. But seem to be easily derailed. I have been consistently exercising,but its not really up to the standards that I like. But I have been doing it even when I can find fifty other things Id rather be doing.

Ive also been trying to find things that will motivate me. Things that bring my mood up. Things that will boost my self confidence. So Ive buried myself into my running book lately, and its definitely sparked some motivation in me. I also signed up for the Corktown St. Pattys Run that is tomorrow. Now my runs this week have been so bad, so I could of easily said no. But yesterday I went and registered at the running store and my parents are going to tag along with me. Theres a fun parade afterwards and they are suckers for that kind of thing. :p So even though I dont think my running is up to par lately, I know running in that race will be nothing but a positive feeling. Also running in that race will help me lay off the booze tonight which I feel has been another big problem. Nothing but empty calories. We are heading to Grants bosses house for the annual work St. Pattys day party. This guy has a Irish Pub in his basement, seats 20 people. Its pretty awesome if you ask me :)

I decided to take the day off from working out today and save my energy for tomorrow. According to my training plan that is actually what I should be doing, but on the plan tomorrow calls for running a 5k. My run is a 4 mile race, so I hope I can at least get the time I got on my last 4 mile race I did on NYE.

I got some ink done today, but due to lack of time only got in two hours. The flower is colored. My next session should be my last, she thinks roughly 3 hours. But she cant get me in till May. Boohoo!

Struggling

2008-03-09T20:43:00.005-04:00

Well its been two weeks since my last blog. I have sat down a few nights this past week to blog but really couldnt think of anything to type about. I have been pretty busy with work, and than I went out of town last weekend. I went to Tampa with a bunch of girlfriends. This was the group of girls I met online at www.ediets.com, 5 years ago. So considering how we all met, we kept each other in pretty good check. All of us even went for a run one of the mornings :)

Sadly, my weight is creeping up. I even saw the 150's this weekend. This is not good. I just dont know where my will power is at this point. I have great moments and than I have not so great moments. Its like I cant stay on track if my life depended on it right now. Im trying to figure out why and I just dont know. I know what I have to do, but dont do it.

I have connected with someone who is doing the half I am doing, and I think that is going to help. Accountability is always a benefit. She is getting me really excited for the event to :)

Like Kristen, DEMF has always been a goal date for me. Of course I want to look hot. :) So let the countdown begin. DEMF 06 I topped at 175lbs, and DEMF 06 I was at 160lbs, so DEMF 08 Im hoping to be around 135lbs. So I have 11 weeks to bring it. Roughly that is around 15lbs. Totally doable, and I can do this.

Energy

2008-02-21T21:08:00.002-05:00

I could use some right now. I have felt so drained for the last couple weeks and I just wish I could muster up some energy. Although Ive never had mono, Im sure this is what it feels like. I seriously am awake maybe 10 hours a day. That would be the hours Im at work. Grant has had to force me pretty much out of bed to eat dinner. Its getting ridlicious and Im so over this. I did make an appt to get bloodwork done, but Im sure it will be the same ol story. My thyroid levels are normal, and they seem to think its in my head that Im tired all the time. Unfortunately recently I caught a really bad sinus infection so that kicked me on my ass for a few days as well. Something else Im so over - WINTER!

The scale jumped last week higher than what I started with at the beginning of the month. But from what Ive been putting in my mouth it is not a surprise. Ive been out of control. Its been interesting reading Robs blog lately because we are so identical. I know my food issues are a lot deeper than Im acknowledging. I have taking in consideration of going to talk to someone about this. I think it will be beneficial for me. Although Ive always had some food issues, I think now that Im drinking less the food issues are more red flagged. Either way the issue has been on my mind, and Ive been trying to figure out what I need to do to move forward. Im tired of the struggle with food. And want to be healthy but not sure how to get there.

On the workout front - I have been working out. Not consistently but still getting them in where I can. I should force myself more because it would give me a little more energy. I did sign back up at the community center so that has been helpful. And I picked up the book, The New Rules of Lifting for Woman, and have been interested by the read. Im hoping to try a workout from the book in the next week or two.

Same old story on this blog. I feel like I waste your time reading this crap. Im trying to remain positive and not let negative talk take over my head....but its been a daunting task. I just wish stuff would click, but it doesnt seem to be happening. I need a different avenue because what Im doing just isnt working....

Buddha Tattoo - First Session

2008-02-08T14:19:00.000-05:00

So this is going to be another non fitness blog, but I have to share this with you :-) I promise fitness blogs this weekend. So my first session was yesterday of my buddha tattoo. I decided to get a half sleeve of a buddha head on top of a lotus flower. Why this design? Thought you would never ask :)

As some of you read in my previous blog, its been quite a journey Ive been on. The growth Ive made over the last year is amazing. I wanted to get a tattoo to mark this time in my life. At first I wasnt sure if I want to do the arm tattoo or something else. Ive been researching on what I can get for quite sometime, but nothing was like I HAVE TO HAVE THAT. Until I saw a reference of a buddha head looking down at a lotus flower. The symbolization of this was right on key of what I was trying to represent. The Lotus flower really represents my journey. They are found in water. They germinate at the bottom of a pond – in the muck and mud – and grow toward the surface and the light. When they emerge at the surface, they flower. Such a good meaning for someone whose gone through and overcome a hard time. Lotus flowers also can be viewed as the perfection of beauty and a symbol of spirtual growth. The Buddha represents being awaken, enlightment, and just really living life the way "the buddha does" . Do good on to others, and others will do good on to you. And act in positive ways, and positive things will happen! Shall I say, Karama? :)

I just love the serenity of the buddha above the flower. Its like the storm is over and its centers me to where my peace is. When I went for my consultation I said maybe my arm, and as she designed it out with me, and suggested a half sleeve...I knew that was the best place. When I get down and have those bad days...I can glance at my arm and remember where Ive been, and where I want to be.

So yesterday I got to the tattoo shop around 1:30, and when she showed me the stencil I got a huge grin, and said it looks awesome. It was to big so she had to scale it down a little bit. So we started around 2. Its from my elbow to the top of my shoulder and there are a few very tender spots like in the crack of my arm where you get blood taking. And in my armpit fat. So those hurt during the outline. But the outline was nothing compared to the shading! I forgot how painful tattoos are. It has been 10 years. And my longest tattoo was only 1 hour. This may be my last :p

We went for 3 hours. She finished the outline and asked how I was feeling. I said we can try some shading..Im feeling maybe about a 5 in pain. So she did some of the black and gray shading. OMG. It felt like she was scrapping to my bone. It hurt like a bitch! But I stuck it out. I was getting antsy towards the end so she was trying to talk less and work faster. At least it felt like it. We got a good portion of the shading done. I looked in the mirror and just fell in love. It exactly what I wanted and I cant wait till its done. She thinks maybe 2 more sessions depending on how the next session goes.

She is so into this tattoo which makes it so much better. Shes taking a buddha art history class right now so she was telling me about everything she has learned. And she kept thanking me for allowing her to do this tatttoo and how its going to be a great addition to her portfolio. Shes awesome. Im glad I found her. She was even impressed with how long I lasted. I was impressed with myself to tell you the truth!

So she wants to put a light coming through the flower and shinging behind the buddha head. And than at the top of the headdress the light will turn into red like flames. Its going to be so sweet!

Heres are the pictures :)

Happy Boobiversary!

2008-02-06T20:19:00.000-05:00

To me! Today is the one year anniversary of my breast reduction. A lot has happened in a year. But that breast reduction was the Best. Decision. Ever. I couldn't be happier with the results, and with the pain free year I have had. It also is the day I declared I would start a new healthy lifestyle. Physically and Emotionally. This is a great day. Lets see in the last year I have....

Lost 30 lbs
Ran in my first 5k
Learned to love my body
Learn to deal with life sober
Found the best online support group of friends ever
Did I say learn to run?
Gain confidence I never knew I had
Learned to love myself
Took my love relationship to the next level
Walked in my first PAIN-FREE Breast Cancer 3 Day
Broaden my circle friends with some amazing people
Finally admitted and started to deal with being a victim of childhood sexual abuse
Really connected with my family where once I felt like an outsider
Dealt and still dealing with a very painful friends death and realizing how precious life really is!
Okay, did I mention running? :)

Not all fitness related, but all equally important :) This next year is going to be even better! I plan on taking it to the next level, and keep challenging myself to grow and be the best I can be :)

Now want to see what caused me all those back and neck problems? I cant believe Im posting these pictures...

Here are two before pictures....

And After...

And this picture was right after my surgery - still wearing post surgical bra so they were a bit smashed.

Phew, what a load off my shoulders! This surgery really made so many positive changes in my life, physically and emotionally. It really started the whole re-evaluation of who I am and where my life was. Who would of thought getting a cosmetic surgery would open the door to changing so many aspects of my life. Thank you Dr. Puri. You changed my life :)

P.S. My tattoo appt is tomorrow - I cant think of a better day after to have it :) Stay tuned for pictures!

Moving Right Along

2008-02-03T18:53:00.000-05:00

Calories: 1556
Its been a weird weekend. Good but weird. Friday was a bad day. I hit an all time low emotionally, and it resulted in one of the worse binges Ive had in a long time. I had a few crying breakdowns that day as well. But I'm happy to say I woke up Saturday morning somewhat refreshed. I have been putting to much pressure on myself during a time that has been very difficult. I often compare myself to others, and let myself get discouraged when that comparison is very off. The thing about that is, everyone is different. What works for one person, doesn't work for another. And what one person is going through, another is not. I have to keep that in mind. Also, I keep noticing all the things I'm doing wrong, rather than focusing on the things that are actually good. Even if they far in between, they still deserve acknowledgment.

So taking the advice left on my blog, I did something Saturday morning that would refresh me. Except it wasn't fitness/health related. The 3 Day makes me happy, so I focused on that. I worked on some stuff for my fundraising event, and than I worked on a new myspace page dedicated to the 3 day. After finished with that I was in a pretty good mood. So I headed out to the community center for a jog. I thought the path would be shoveled somewhat, so that was my best avenue. It was shoveled but there was some patches of ice. I just took my steps carefully and took the speed down. The first two miles were hell. I didn't know how far I was going to make it. My training plan called for 5 miles which felt like that was 20 miles away. lol Around mile 3 I started to find my groove and I sailed right on to 5 miles. It took about an hour. So not only did I run my furthest mileage yet, I also ran for 60 minutes which is something Ive never been able to do. I felt pretty great when that was done.

On a side note - I've also decided that my half in April will be a run/walk half marathon. I would prefer 14-16 weeks rather than 10-12 to train for it. I was getting stressed out from the pressure Ive put on myself in this training plan. So taking away the only running factor as helped. My goal is to just finish, and if thats a combo of running and walking, than that is what I'll do.

Unfortunately I havent felt physically that great all weekend. I started a new thyroid medication on Friday, and its not fully kicked in yet. So Ive felt completely exhausted. So Ive been taking more naps than Id like to. I still felt like crap today, so we opted to stay home from the superbowl party we were going to go to. I did my Jillian workout earlier, which kicked my ass, so happy I got in my two workouts this weekend that I aimed for.

I really appreciate your comments on my last post. It really made me re-assess my thinking, and what I need to do to turn my behaviors around . Dealing with Dawns passing as been difficult, and dealing with it sober has been a challenge. I lost a friend about 6 years ago, and I dealt with it only with alcohol. I almost turned to alcohol on Friday. I literally was in the car getting ready to go to the liquor store, but I stopped myself. Im happy I stopped and thought about that decision, since lately I havent been doing that. I feel like Im on an up on that rollercoaster, and think Ill ride it for a little while. Who knows maybe it will level out for a little while :)

P.S. Here is the myspace page I created - http://www.myspace.com/melissa3dayjourney

Why Cant I Bring It?

2008-01-31T20:20:00.000-05:00

Seriously. Ive been feeling this way for awhile. Its like no matter how pumped I get myself I never reach that level where Im bringing it. Its always mediocre. Im a mediocre person and feel like I always will be. I could never be someone who eats a strict diet, or someone that religiously works out. Its frustrating because Id like to be. I just don't have it in me for some reason. Ill have a good few weeks and than Ill have a bad few weeks. Its like I always find excuses. I always hit roadblocks. I work through them, but it always feels like a constant struggle. Like most things in my life. Why cant I just be good at this? Why cant I bring it?

Now I guess the thing I should be doing is not questioning it, but finding ways to do it. Ive tried many things and none of them have worked. So I honestly dont know what to do. I can keep doing what Im doing, but that obviously isnt making me happy or seeing any results. As I end January I lost 4lbs, but still the same that I was back at Thanksgiving. What a shame. What a waste of time.

This is not meant to be a pity party. These thoughts have been on my mind and I need to get them out. Im starting to accept where Im at, and its not acceptable. Its not the goal I intended when this journey started, and Im defintely not at a fitness level I want to be. It also scares me that Im going to yo yo right back up to the weight I started with if I don't change my mind thinking now. I question myself often, can I even maintain this lifestyle? Ive been eating fast food like its going out of style. Its easy so I eat it. I actually went a good 7-8 months eating NO fast food. Im doing things to sabatoge me, and really dont think twice about it. I see myself replaying old habits, and that is pretty scary.

I believe Im probably having these thoughts because of my emotional state lately. My emotions have been all over the place. And a once starting to become confident Melissa, as now turned into a very doubtful, unconfident Melissa. I just wish I could find that drive that I know I have. I have shown that drive in many things, especially with the Breast Cancer 3 Day. So I know its in there. Figuring out how to bring it out is the hard part.

Dont Think, Just Act

2008-01-28T17:37:00.000-05:00

That is what I did today. And I finally did something after a week long hiatus. Im over thinking everything all the time. Its kinda of annoying actually. Yesterday and today Ive felt pretty down, and I dont think I got out of the recliner at all yesterday. I knew that doing something today would only help me out in the emotion department. No matter what it was as long as it was something. And since the weather is warm today, I figured I myswell enjoy it while its here. So I went for a jog when I got home. The snow is half melted so it was pretty slushy, but I stomped through it. It was quite a struggle but I finished 2 miles before dark. Its better than nothing. I have found out that Monday as a rest day is bad news. I need to start my week off doing something or I end up doing nothing!

The funeral was on Saturday. There was hard parts through the mass, but I got through it. I'm so lucky to have Grant. He knew exactly when to squeeze my hand, and put is arm around me. That helped a lot. I opted out for the reception..I just wasnt feeling up to it. And I had to get in the right mind frame for my Lia Sophia party I had to do later that afternoon. (which was my biggest party in sales yet!) I think I actually was more depressed Sunday than I was any other day last week. Im just going through the grieving process I suppose. At the funeral the priest read a scripture that related to Dawns life, and how she always lived life to the fullest, touched so many lives, and always made sure everyone was okay before worrying about herself. And he said one thing that stuck with me, we have a big mission to full after we are done grieving. A mission Dawn did every day. He sure is right. Breast Cancer 3 Day....here I come. Jen and I bought our Boston flights, so its official :)

I miss Dawn so much already. Shes with me in spirit, watching over me. I can feel it.

Thank you everyone for your support. It really has meant a lot to me. XO

Well Im off to watch Jim and Rob sweat over a grill for a fundraiser, and enjoy me some stirfry. Ill take a pic of them :)

Emotional Rollercoaster

2008-01-23T21:29:00.000-05:00

Its crazy how my last post was so uplifting, and I felt so positive. Than the very next day I found out some sad news and I had a total 180 in the emotion department. I got the sad news that Dawn passed away Monday night. For the last 4-5 days she was in and out, awake minimal of the time. Her breathing was getting difficult as well. She stopped eating and drinking about two days before Monday. On Monday she was barely awake, and than took one last deep breath and was gone. Rosemary (her SIL) said she looked very peaceful, especially after what they saw her going through for the last week. Everyone was by her side on Monday. Im glad she is no longer suffering, but its so hard. And feels so unfair that shes gone.

When I heard the news I just felt numb. Actually its felt pretty numb since than. No matter what the circumstances are....you never truly are prepared for this. I will be heading to the viewing tomorrow night. My mom and Bob are meeting me up there, as well as my 3 day friends. And than Saturday we have the funeral. I also have a Lia Sophia party Im doing Saturday afternoon so had a little drama trying to work that out. But I got the party moved to a later time, so everything is going to work out.

Unfortunately I havent really gotten any workouts in this week except for that run on Sunday. The weather is really making things difficult. So I looked into a few options, and think Im going to go get a 2 month membership at the Community Center. That will take me right up to the half marathon, so I think that will be the best plan. Ill be able to get workouts in when running outside is not the best idea due to snow, ice, darkness, etc. Its $38 for a two month pass, so not to bad. I need to do something because this coming home and not being able to go out...and than doing nothing has to stop. And I really do want to run this half. So I need to get it together.

As Ive mentioned before I have quite the emotional eating issue. Ive been managing it okay this week, but did have a few slip ups. Like the other day someone told me I was looking tiny. Im so not tiny. But I took that as a sign to go eat cheese fries. Geez whats going on in my head eh? So Ive been having a few slip ups.

I do have something positive. This past weekend I was in an organizing/cleaning mood. So I cleaned out my closet and purged all my old fat clothes. I found my favorite pair of jeans that I wore when I was at my highest weight, which was a size 16. I tried them on and took a picture. I had to. So here it is....dont mind my armpit fat. :p

So while I have struggled with these last 10 pounds, I have made quite the progress. I think once I get going on this running program more consistently these last 1o pounds will come off. I need to get there mentally. Only I can do that. People can talk to me till their blue in the face, but I have to recommit to myself to get there. I hope I can get there. Actually I know I can. I just need to remember why I started this journey, and what I want out of this. Re-evaluate myself. Set new goals. Keep things interesting.

Please keep Dawn's family in your prayers. She is already deeply missed.

Too Cold to Exercise? Try Another Excuse

2008-01-20T11:36:00.000-05:00

That was the question I asked myself this morning. So what did I do? What I do best. I googled it. :P And I found an article, Too Cold to Exercise? Try Another Excuse by Gina Kolata

http://www.theledger.com/article/20080117/ZNYT04/801170508/-1/USNEWS

While reading this article, and with the new inspiration and motivation that has kicked in this weekend (more on that in a bit), I started to dress for my run. It is a cold 8 degrees, and with the windchill I'm sure it feels close to 0 or -1 degree. But its all good. I did a 5 minute power walk warm up (the coldest part), and than started my run. It did take a good mile to get warmed up. But 10 minutes later I thought to myself...8 degrees? Hm. It feels like 40. :) It was a nice run where I was in a zone, and 4 miles felt great.

This weekend I had a Lia Sophia workshop/rally on Friday and Saturday. It was amazing. Very, very motivating and inspirational. Our theme at this rally, was Raise the Roof - Our motto for 2008. :) Aside from hearing from people in the company, there was also a motivational speaker, Brian Molitor. First I love motivational speakers, and try to go hear them as much as I can. This guy was one of the best I have heard! He has written a few books, and training programs on organizational development, problem solving, leadership coaching, team building, and strategic planning. Amazing Man. And than we heard another moving seminar by our Zone Managers, a husband/wife team. Having those three in one day was mind blowing! I'm glad I decided to go to this because it put a spark right back in me. Not just a spark for my Lia Sophia business, but it also sparked all other areas of my life. I feel rejuvenated, and ready to conquer the world. The last few months have really been off and on. On a few weeks, off a few weeks, repeat. This weekend was just what I needed.

So here comes the cheesy part of my entry today. So while on my run today, my mind was still processing all the things I heard yesterday at the rally, and what I want to do in the upcoming weeks for the year...and Madonna's - Ray of Light came on my ipod. And I heard a certain lyric that sounded different than I ever heard it before. (this made me thing of Gene.) It said this,

And I feel like I just got home
And I feel
And I feel like I just got home
And I feel

Faster than the speeding light she's flying
Trying to remember where it all began
She's got herself a little piece of heaven
Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one

And that really hit me. That is how I feel. Good things are to come in the future, and Ive found my way back home :)

I pushed up my speed, smiled as the snow hit my face, and sang the lyrics. It felt great. :)

Insert Snazzy Title Here

2008-01-17T16:06:00.000-05:00

So its been a week since I last posted. Where as the time gone? Well Ive had a rough week to say the least. But no use on dwelling on what coulda, shoulda, woulda been. I did manage to lose a 1/2 pound this week which is a freaking miracle if you ask me.

We went out of town last weekend to visit some friends in Indiana. Im horrible when I go out of town. Its something I need to work on. So I had very little will power with the food and the beer. Ive also been experiencing the fatigued to the hundredth power symptoms of my thyroid disease. I definitely think the meds need to be adjusted again. So Ive been giving in to many, many naps. Which than leads to not being able to go to bed at a decent time, and than wake up late for work, and than get home when its dark. So very little running has been going on. Its a vicious cycle sometimes. I need to get a grip. Like right now.

I also had the pleasant experience of food poisoning for the last two days. Thats probably why I managed to lose 1/2 pound. LOL Seriously, it was not fun. I felt like I was being punished for my bad behavior or lack of good behavior!

Anyways...nothing to exciting in my world. Just hit a week long slump, and hoping to climb back out of it. My schedule definitely is getting busy between the two jobs, so right now I need to gain control back before it gets to out of control.

Ive mentioned before how Im getting a tattoo, a half sleeve :) Its sort of a reward for changing my healthy lifestyle, but mostly a mark in all the growing Ive done in the last year. That is on February 7th. I will be in the 130's at that appt. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Smaller Sizes Boosts Confidence

2008-01-10T21:02:00.000-05:00

Well today has been a pretty fantastic day if I do say so myself. First I woke up with a very nice weigh in - 4lbs down. I am now only 1 pound away from what I weighed before the holidays. I do have to say that started off my day on a very good note.

I got into work early since I went to bed at 8:30 last night. I needed to catch up on some sleep, so it was nice. So into work early, means out of work early. Which was good since I had a hair appt at 5. So I had just enough time to squeeze in my run. The wind was a bit of a challenge today, but it was a short run day so it was all good. So while enjoying my runners high, I went and got pampered at the salon, and now my hair is feeling as healthy as the rest of me :)

On the way home I had to stop and pick up some new shoes since Bandito ate my only black heels the other night. Im not even going to go into that story. And the shoe store is in a strip mall, so I decided to stop into TJMaxx. Its going out of business, so everything was marked down and than 60 percent off. Hot damn, it was like hitting the jackpot. Sort of. The 45 minute wait in line wasnt so great. :p But as I was digging through the racks, I fell upon lots of size 8's, and not many size 10's. So I figured what the heck, and threw them in the basket. Off to the fitting room I went. I tried the 8's first so if they didnt fit I wouldnt be disappointed because I had other pants that would fit after them. Its all a mind game. I tried on one pair of 8's and they fit like a glove! I instantly thought..this is TJMaxx so dont get to excited Melis. Well than I tried on a pair jeans that were a size 8. Those fit to! They were to long, but they fit! And every 8 I tried on after that fit as well. I am in a size 8 :) First goal to mark off for the year.

Don't you just love that feeling when you try on a smaller size, check yourself out in the mirror, and think Damn...you look good girl! or is that just me? lol

My confidence is definitely rising, which feels very, very nice :)

Back to the Basics

2008-01-09T11:05:00.000-05:00

So when I weighed in at the end of the month in December I broke even at 146. I was fine with that. But how in the hell did I jump from 146 to 149 from Monday to Thursday? Ridlicious. I was eating a little better than I did over the holidays, but I think a lot of it was mindless eating. I wasnt really paying attention to what I was putting in my mouth. Oh Im bored, Ill eat this. Or oh Ill snack on this. So I decided to start tracking my calories again. I hate this daunting task but it is the one thing that is black and white, nothing like that number staring back at you yelling, I told you so.

Its kind of interesting to see that I would go grab something to eat and than think, I have to log this....and put it right back. So it has helped me be more conscious of what Im putting in my mouth. And the scale is moving right back down. Amazing eh? Not really...its not rocket science :p It really is a numbers game.

So last night when I got home I took a nap. I havent been sleeping very well at night. Going to bed later than planned, waking up late, mind not shutting off when I go to bed, etc. So Ive been dragging ass all week. I got home later than usual yesterday from work so it was dark out when I got home. I decided to do cross training instead of a jog. I put in the Jillian DVD I got for Christmas. I was able to do a few more counts in the reps than I could last time. Its a circuit style workout. Jillian is pretty mellow (compared to seeing her on TBL) in this video but she still pushes you. One spot I thought I was going to die with these mountain climber things, and she said push those knees up high. As high as you can. Your only hurting yourself by not pushing your limits. You bought this dvd for a reason, now higher! Damn..is that the truth. So I pushed it. I felt pretty damn good when I was done, which was nice since my mood wasnt so nice when I started.

Im looking into buying some dumbbells for at home. Im thinking probably some of the adjustable ones so I can grow with them. Ive been doing some research on them, but still not sure which ones to buy. A friend of mine that is a pretty intense weightlifter was referring me to a few sites, and giving me suggestions for programs. Ive always been really intimidated by weightlifting, and never really stuck to a program. So I want to give this a go again.

Also, Ive found a 5k Im going to run on Feb 3, 2007. Its a Superbowl 5k. So this is Race 1 out of the 12 races I will be running this year :)

I could keep rambling, but tummys rumbling...time for lunch.

Structure

2008-01-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

I love structure. Sometimes I complain when my schedule is jam packed, but that is really when Im the most productive and see the best results. So when Ive had this down time of just winging it so to speak, its been rough. When my schedule is slow, Im lazy. Its just a fact. So starting this running program, and soon starting my 3 day training definitely gets me giddy inside, and screams, "Yes! finally some structure!" And it makes me very, very happy :)

So this is week 1 of my half marathon training. Ive declared Mondays as rest day, since my weekends will be my longest days. I also have my Lia Sophia meetings on Mondays, so I didnt
want to miss a run due to that. (especially since its an hour away). I am following the Hal Higdons Novice Half Marathon training program. You actually dont get up to a full 13 miles, which kind of concerns me. But I had two friends last year follow this plan for their first half mary, and they were pretty happy with it. So Im taking their word :)

http://www.halhigdon.com/halfmarathon/novice.htm

Jennifer, my 3 day walking partner, loves to play with spreadsheets. While I can say I do like spreadsheets because I love organization, Im not totally in love with playing with them when I get home from work. (especially since I deal with them all day!) :p So when Jen wanted to plan out our training schedule for the 3 day walks this year, I was more than happy to let her indulge herself in the world of excel. So she took the suggested training plan from the 3 day, and than combined it with the training we did last year, and came up with a pretty sweet master plan. As I looked at the finished spreadsheet a grin appeared ear to ear. How big of a dork am I when I saw how awesome this plan is and I think...more structure!!!! With the two walks combined, looks like we will be aiming for 860 miles trained. :)

Its like a fresh of breath air. :) Okay, yes Im a dork.

Reminder of where Im at, and where Ive been...

2008-01-06T14:47:00.000-05:00

So I wanted to blog about a little thing I noticed as I went out on NYE. As I tried to find an cute outfit (isnt that always on a girls mind?), I rummaged through my closet to see what I could find. I found a shirt that I wanted to wear, and had a great idea of an outfit. Now what I realized as I got ready.......was I would never of dreamt of wearing an outfit like this a year ago, heck 6 months ago. I ended up wearing leggings out! I wore leggings. I never thought that would be possible, or that I would ever be confident enough to even wear leggings again. But with all that walking and running, I do have to say my legs are my best asset :) On the way to the bar, I looked down at my cute leggings, and than noticed this thing a friend told me about the other day....do you legs fit in between the edges of the seat in the car? They sure did. I remember when they didnt! Two things to remind me where I am now, and where Im never going back again!

On other news updates...my visit with Dawn was a really good visit.
It was different than we all expected. She is in a hospital bed in the living room vs in her bed in her bedroom. She was up when we got there, and she looked pretty good. I could tell she lost a lot of weight, and muscle. She has lost all muscle from her waist down, so has no mobility there. Its just all bones. But still has little muscle on her upper body. They have been doing some exercises to keep what she has left going. Her hearing was in and out, and her one eye she was having a lot of trouble with. But she did say that since she has stopped treatment her vision and hearing is coming back slowly.

It turns out that they found a tumor in the fluid of her brain, if I understand that correctly. And the cancer has really just progressed faster than they imagined. She cant believe just over a month ago she was feeling good, walking, etc. And now she can barely move, and is doing what she can to just simply get by. They decided that it was time, and wanted her last few months to feel as comfortable as they can, so stopping treatment and being able to be with her family is exactly that. She was really open about everything, which she never really has been. Her husband is doing amazing, he really is being so strong, as well is she. Which I had no doubt.

But there was 7 of us there, and we all just hung out catching up on each others lives, talking about all our memories of when we walked the 3day, the training, the fundraisers, my crazy ass doing two walks this year, etc. It was really nice. We stayed for an hour and than decided to get going because she was looking tired. Than the hard part started. She was good hugging two of us, than she started crying. And she said, this cant be goodbye. The stronger woman, which wasnt me, said dont you worry we will see you again. This is not goodbye. I gave her a kiss, hugged her, and could barely spit out I love you because I was so choked up. She squeezed me tightly and than wouldnt let go of my hand. Sadly, I quickly had to look away.

So much for being strong. I hope she realizes how much I care for her. Im sure she does. I just wish I could of gave her some more comforting words. On the way home I was in a daze, and than had a good, long cry. I needed it. I got home and started to tell Grant about the visit...and cried some more to him. Lately that man has seen more tears from me than he did the entire time we have been together! And still everytime hes supports me like he did that very first year. And that is exactly why I love this man so much. Anyways, after all that I was pretty down, so decided to go do some retail therapy. (another chick thing eh?) It helped to get my mind of things. We are going to try to fit in a few more visits with Dawn in the next month.

I really appreciate all your support. Death definitely can bring out emotions that are hard to express sometimes, but being able to share it here is comforting. I feel very lucky to have the support system of friends such as all of you!

Strength

2008-01-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

So this blog is a personal blog. Since the only thing I can think about right now is what I am going to have to do in 3 hours. I will be saying goodbye to a friend that is very dear to my heart. Dawn is dying. Her health is decreasing fast. I mentioned in a blog before Christmas that her family and her decided to stop treatment, and hospice is in place. Well she is still at home at this point, but she can not walk. Her sight and hearing bother her a lot, but she still has use of them. She is on morphine to subside the pain. She is mostly in and out of sleep, but cant still communicate when shes awake.

So there about 6-7 of us that all walked the 3 day together in 2004 that are meeting up before we go over her house. We all are going to make the trip together, and go see her in by twos. And than afterwards all go to get a drink and support each other where we can. I think this is the best way to do this. I honestly dont know if I could go in to see her alone. Im sure I would find the strength. But she has always been strong to us, and now is the time for us to be strong for her. I hope I can find the strength.

Last night as I was in the car every song that came on the radio reminded me of Dawn, and reminded me of struggle. A dark cloud came over me since Ive heard what is happening and it hasnt let up. I went to my sisters for Bob's birthday last night, and my mom felt the need to let everyone know where I was going today. My eyes filled with tears, but I excused myself to the bathroom to regain composure. As I thought about today, my anxiety got higher and higher...actually it still is. I feel Im am close to a panic attack.

Life is not fair. At all. She is so young and deserves life. Its so hard for me to understand this. How in the hell am I suppose to go visit a friend today and know its the last time Im going to see her? How am I suppose to put on a smile, when all I want to do is grab on to her and hold on and never let go? Cancer has taken many people in my life, but never in my adult life. It hurts. Really bad. My hands have been trembling the entire time I write this.

I wish I had someone to turn to. A friend who could support me through this. Unfortunately I dont have to many good friends I can turn to. I really miss my ex best-friend at times like this. She would know what to say, what to do, and make things feel okay. I realize now later in life, how much I miss her like hell, and wish we didnt grow apart. I know Ill have my 3 Day friends, and while we all arent super close...we do know the struggle and have experienced the effects of this horrible disease together....so that will be comforting to each of us. Grant has been there for me, as he always is, but I think he really doesnt know what to do either but just hug me and tell me its going to be okay. But its not. Shes dying. Theres nothing okay about that. But after I let the anger subside, I realize it will be okay. God only hands us as much as we can handle, so in the end it will hurt like hell...but it will be okay.

Deep Breath In. Deep Breath Out. Maybe Ill try to go for a jog before I go, it will help clear my head a bit. I will not look at this visit, as "a goodbye visit", but rather a time to catch up and enjoy each others company. I know she will put on her smile, and show how strong she is. That is Dawn - one of the strongest woman I know. Ill enjoy my time with her today, and make sure I tell her how much I love her. I will be strong. Because thats all I can do.

I think I may be going insane

2008-01-03T21:08:00.000-05:00

Something about running gets to me. In a good way. So Im sticking to it. I have felt great while running, and for someone who has arthritis knees I didnt think this would ever be possible. My orthopedic surgeon said I could, but I never believed him. But with his encouragement and detailed plan, he was right. I love the way it makes me feel. I love how I make certain choices when I know Im running the next day, or ran that day. I like the struggle while on the run, and than the awesome feeling when Im done. I love how I almost feel like an actual athlete while at a race. Sure I played sports in high school, but I SUCKED. I was better at band, which was fine by me. GO BAND GEEKS! :p

But I always wanted to be athletic. Who would of thought now Im actually feeling like one?

So today I think I may have crossed the level of insane. As I read Robs journal, and than we exchanged some emails back and forth about the Detroit Free Press Half Marathon I started to get inspired. Could I truly do two Breast Cancer 3 Day events one month apart from each other, and than turn around and run a half marathon only 19 days later? Seems insane if you ask me. So as I tried to be level headed about it, Robs excitement definitely proved that we have the heart to do it. So I think Im game. Actually I know Im game. So as crazy as it sounds, on October 19th I will be running in a half marathon. Today I took my 3 day walking training plan, and took a half marathon running training program, and tried to come up with a master plan. A big training plan to incorporate both running and walking, and getting in what I need where I need it. Its still a work in progress. But I think its totally doable. And the friends Ive shared this idea with think I totally can do it to.

So as I got to thinking more....I thought well I could do a few 5ks, maybe a few 10ks in between now and when I start training for the 3 day. That will probably be around late April/early May. Than I thought, what if I do a half marathon before my 3 day training starts. I have the time, and it would keep me focused. And I know of a half marathon that is exactly 13 weeks away, the Martian Marathon. I walked in it a few years ago as training for the 3 day, and loved it. So I talked to a few running friends, one of them referred me to a 12 week program. I looked it over and thought this is soooo doable.

So on April 6th I will be running in the Martian Half Marathon. :) So lets get this straight...

April 6th - I will be running in the Martian Half Marathon
August 15th - 17th I will be walking in the Boston 3 Day
September 26h - 28th I will be walking in the Michigan 3 Day
October 19th - I will be running in the Detroit Free Press Half Marathon

Yep, Im officially insane. Motivated, focused, happy, geeked, excited, and inspired. But maybe a little insane.

:)

This is so my year. Just you watch ;)

38th Annual Belle Isle New Years Fun Run

2008-01-02T20:52:00.000-05:00

Im so glad that I went out on NYE and did this race! It was just what I needed. Grant and I headed down around 2:45, and got right into a parking spot around 3:10. No traffic at all actually, which surprised me since there is only one in and out of the area. There was around 1200 runners, and the walk was actually starting at 3pm, where the run started at 4pm, so that made it more roomy on the route.

We ended up getting some snow the night before, so I was worried how the weather conditions might be. But the sun came out and most of the snow melted. There was very little wind, and the temps were pretty mild, at least to me. So it was perfect running weather. I started in the middle of the pack, and we didnt have the chip to time ourselves. Basically there was just a clock when you crossed the finish line. I had my watch on to, so I timed myself that way as well. I got across the start line rather quickly, maybe within the first 5 seconds. Way different than the Turkey Trot where it took a good 5 minutes.

The route was relatively flat and was a nice run. This race was on a island/park called Belle Isle, and the route was closed to traffic. So it felt like a run through a park. I had really bad side stitches through the first two miles, and I even started to get a pain in my abdomen. I slowed down my pace, and took some deep breaths and turned up my music and the pain went away, or I just forgot about it. :p After mile 2 a lot of people started to walk. I really wanted to, but said no way. I focused on the ducks nearby for a mile, they were pretty entertaining. :) Than around mile 3 we were rounding around to the finish line. It was a big loop around, but you could see the finish line the entire time (what a tease eh?) I saw Grant around mile 3, so I smiled for a picture and gave him the thumbs up. I glanced at my watch and saw that I was hitting mile 3 right at my Turkey Trot 5k time - 30:46. Than I thought I can do one more mile in 15 minutes and maintain my normal 4 mile time of 45:00. At that point I got some energy so pushed my speed up a notch.

Luckily for me, this is when Ritchie Hawtins set came on my ipod. It was a live set, so I could hear people cheering and clapping in the background. And I kept looking around and thought it was people along the route, and than I finally realized it was in my headphones. LOL I had my own cheering section. It pushed me through that last mile :) When I rounded the corner and saw the finish line I glanced at the clock. It was still a little blurry but looked like it said 39:10. I thought, no shit! Look at that. So I sprinted to the end, and crossed at 40:45 :) My watch read 40:40. I felt like I really struggled through some of that run, so was surprised I broke my best time yet!

I was pretty geeked the rest of the day :) I cant think of a better way to end my year! I think Im starting to really dig this running gig.

Here some pictures....a few came out a little blurry though.....

Pre-Race Picture

Very chilly Ninja Grant

Can you find me? Heres a hint...Im by the little boy in the blue coat

Mile 3 - Good to Go

Almost to the finish line

And a few more steps....

Another race completed - Happy Mel

5k - Check. 4 Miler - Check. And next on the agenda is a 10k. :) Yeah I may have a little bit of running fever, but its so much fun!

P.S. In other exciting news. I got a Jillian Michaels DVD for Christmas and tried it for the first time today. She totally kicked my ass. I was dripping in sweat when I was done, and you know how that dripping in sweat always feels like a reward of a good workout to me. :)

Commit

2007-12-30T12:31:00.000-05:00

Its almost over. The holidays, the month, and the year. Was this my best month yet? Absolutely not. I hope I can come out of this month without gaining. I will be content with that. That means I will need to lose a half pound today to come out even. Im sure that is doable.

I dont know whats going on with me lately. I dont necessarily think its a funk, because usually those just last a few weeks for me. This has been ongoing for the whole month. I just been really off. In all areas of my life it seems. A lot of negative talk has come back in place, which isnt helping matters. I need to refocus. Earlier this week I said enough is enough. Slowly Ive been eating better each day. Not perfection or even close to perfection. But better, and improving each day. Eating in this mind frame is always a struggle though. As for exercise well we were swamped over the holidays, which isnt any reason not to work out, but I didnt. I was planning on doing a race on NYE, and have been going back and forth if I am going to do it or not. As of Friday I hadnt ran in 10 days. And this is a 4 mile race, which is a little more intense than a 5K for me...especially since Ive only ran 4 miles one time. But I said you know what, commit Melis. Commit already. None of this shoulda, coulda, woulda. Live for today because who knows whats going to happen tomorrow. So I got out on Friday and did 4 miles. It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. And than on Saturday I went out and did 3 miles. So yesterday I officially went and registered, so a 4 mile run is what I will be doing NYE at 4pm. Im debating if I will run today or not. Figure Ill rest up for tomorrow. Please let the winds be minimal, since it is on an island and I hear the winds get you from both directions. Maybe I need that little kick in the ass from mother nature.

Its been a hard month, but the last 6 months have been pretty decent. So what better way to end this year than on a positive note. And I think being in the race atmosphere will bring my mood up and maybe kick some motivation into me :) Two things I could use desperately right now.

I updated my layout....damn I didnt realize we had so many new members. Sorry Ive been slacking on the comments lately. Ive also revamped my goals for 2008. I feel 2008 is going to be my year. I havent had one year yet where I felt it was "my year". I deserve one.

That Bandito!

2007-12-23T18:36:00.000-05:00

So just thought Id check in. Life has been busy but good. I have been enjoying all the get togethers. We had Grants Christmas work party Friday night. Dinner and a comedy show. His boss is a riot, he had everyone singing christmas carols when we walked from the restaurant to the comedy club. He works for such a great man. He really shows his appreciation for his employees, and is so genuine about it. Those type of bosses and companies are a needle in a haystack! I love his work parties, they are always a great time!

Last night we had Christmas with my sisters, and we got a family picture. Bandito just couldnt help but add his holiday cheer to the picture. Click on the picture to enlarge and you will see what Im talking about. That silly dog.

Im feeling like crap. Absolute crap. And I know its from all the beer Ive been drinking, and all the crap Ive been eating. I did get in plenty of water today, and only ate a sub but yet my stomach is still twisting and turning. The next two days are pretty low key for us. Tomorrow we head to Grants dads, and theres about 8 of us. Im pretty good keeping myself in check around them. And Im bringing some framboise, so I wont be drinking more beer which always results in feeling bloated. And on Christmas we are heading to my moms in the afternoon, it will just be the four of us and all the dogs of course. I did great at Thanksgiving at her house, so Im sure Ill be fine. Exercise needs to be done. I was going to go jogging today but the weather was so brutal..it just didnt happen. Doesnt look like the weather is going to let up, so I need to figure out something. Tomorrow Ill probably pop in a dvd before he head out to Grants dads. I need to.

I found out some bad news last night. Remember my friend Dawn that has breast cancer? Well her family and her have decided to stop treatment and hospice is in place. Im still processing the news, but while out today trying to get some last minute shopping done I could feel that I was just in a daze going through the motions. Im so angry, yet so sad. All of us that did the 3 day together in 2004 are trying to work out a day where we all are going to go see her next week. Please keep Dawn and her family in your thoughts and prayers. Next years walk is going to be so hard, but this is why I do this walk, and will continue to walk every year until there is a cure. :(

Well we are heading out to buy the doggies their presents and than going to see Juno. Hope all of you are doing better than me :-/

Never Giving Up

2007-12-20T21:08:00.000-05:00

I wasnt sure what to blog about and didnt really feel like blogging about my daily woes (since it sounds like the same old story) so found a quote that feels fitting for my life this week.

"Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still." - Chinese Proverb

Lately it often feels like Im standing still. And reading this quote today reminded me that moving slowly definitely has an upper hand on standing still. Sometimes I think doing little is almost like standing still. But something is better than nothing. So standing still shouldnt even been on my agenda, or in my vocabulary. As frustrated as I get because things are moving slowly I have to remember that moving slowly is better than not moving at all. So when I have a mishap, and I let it get me down and do absolutely nothing that is when I am standing still. If I have a mishap but get right back on track, I am moving slowly. Moving slowly is the way I want to go. When I give up by standing still, I am failing. And failing is when I quit, and Im not a quitter. Ive never been a quitter so why should I start now? So every situation that is "slow moving" is another learning opportunity for me. I need to take advantage of that learning opportunity to make me stronger the next time it comes up.

I guess this is still like my same old blogs. lol I think the more I pound this into my brain, the more Ill practice it. Every meal, every snack just seems like such a hard decision lately. This holiday season really has thrown me for a loop. Today at work someone was asking me for advice on how to lose weight, eat healthier, and workout. That did feel good. And she said you look so thin today. That was also nice to hear. Especially when I feel like Im the total opposite right now. I think I really need to go jogging. That always pumps me up and gets me feeling good and on track. I wish the sidewalks were clear and it wasnt icey. I have Saturday - Tuesday off. Im voluntarily going in next week Wed - Fri. We shut down (automotive industry), but since I work in accounts receivable the money keeps coming in so we have the option to work. We get to use the days as comp days in the following year. And with two 3 days, I need the extra days. The nice thing is we can wear whatever those days, so Ill bring my workout gear or just wear some sweats and go jogging right after work. Im wondering if Ill still be able to do the 4miler race on NYE with the weather the way it is...I hope so!

Blogging, Milestone, and Control

2007-12-18T20:16:00.000-05:00

So a lot of the times I only blog from work. My desktop at home died probably around 1.5 years ago. I never wanted to put out the money to buy a new one, well more like never had the money. And Grant has a desktop and a laptop, so I would always jump on his desktop if I needed to use it at night. Well now that its winter and the basement is FREEEEZZZING, I barely go on it. So Ill jump on his laptop when hes not using it. Which is usually why my blogs can be scarce. Well last night I got an early Christmas present. Grant couldnt keep it a secret any longer. I got a laptop! I was sooo surprised! Im am going back to school in the Spring, and trying to get my degree done (been going for the last 10 years off and on), so its really is the perfect gift. I am so geeked, as you can see my cheesy grin in that picture. So blogging at night is a must do now ;)

Life has been pretty much the same as last week. Ill have a good day, than a bad day. No consistency..which is something I need. I really am letting my willpower go, and I dont know whats come over me. Its like one taste of that sugar and I cant stop. I know my moods probably have something to do with it lately. Also Ive also been hanging out with some new friends, and a lot of Lia Sophia functions. There has been spreads like you wouldnt believe. So I may be even using food as an security blanket in social situations. Especially since the people Im around seem to be indulging in all the food themselves. Im still digging into this social aspect and trying to figure out if Im replacing food with what use to be alcohol....interesting thought. In reality, food makes me feel better and even more secure (that sounds weird typing that out), this is an ongoing problem Im aware of but have yet to master controlling it. My weight has been fluctuating up and down, up and down. I am the only one to blame, I lost control.

This past weekend I did have a milestone. I jogged my first 4 miler. I did it in about 45 minutes. I just found a comfortable pace, and went with it. I felt pretty good during and after. We had this snow storm so jogging is out of the question right now. Its a little icy, and the sidewalks arent clear. Im hoping maybe I can get out to the community center after work this week and again on the weekend. I think their path may be clear. Other than that Ive did nothing except one workout to a DVD. Although maybe I can count shoveling snow, and walking in 3 miles christmas shopping as exercise :p

Its a little embarrassing. All that talk I said about this is my month. Maybe I should learn to walk the walk. It feels like I almost jinxed myself! I still have two weeks left, I can still turn it around and that is exactly what I have to do. Can I do it? I sure hope so. Sadly at this point, not gaining any weight seems like it may be a miracle!

So when I got home today I planted my butt on the couch, and was figuring out what I was going to do with my evening. Did not want to work out. So I started browsing through some old pictures, thought it may motivate me. Grant came home and asked if I worked out yet? I said no, but I should. And he said yeah you should or your going to be mad at yourself. So I did. And it felt good. I can tell Im super bloated from all the sugar Ive had lately. I feel gross and my stomach is pretty nasty. That should be motivation enough! I compared some before/after pictures and saw how far Ive come.

Its crazy how you come so far and than you hit these roadblocks...its like I know what I have to do so why am I not doing it? I post these blogs from time to time and its like the same old song. I seriously just need to get it together, and realize I control who and what I want to be. I wonder if I can handle indulgement, because it appears that when I do indulge is when I go way off track. I need to figure out how to indulge in moderation, and get right back on track after it. Or notice when there are certain times I simply cant handle indulging so shouldn't do it.

Finding My Groove

2007-12-13T17:27:00.000-05:00

Tip # 12 - Shop when full. Shopping on an empty stomach can lead to overeating on the unhealthy food court fare. Also stash some emergency healthy snacks in your car or purse. Try nuts, whole grain crackers, and dried fruit.

Boy oh boy do I know this tip all to well. I have gone grocery shopping on an empty stomach one to many times. Bad, bad idea! Ive learned to always eat before any shopping now. Im going Christmas shopping this weekend actually...so I will make sure Im filled up so I dont cave into the cinnabuns, pretzels with cheese, or cookies I see!

So the funk is still here...it comes and goes at different times. I did exactly what you all said and worked out even though I didnt want to. When I got home from the doctors it was close to dark, so I popped in a workout dvd and squeezed that in before a Lia Sophia party. I was happy that I did it when I was done, so thank you for those comments yesterday. Today I had court at 9:30am, so I was off from work in the morning. So I woke up early and went out for a jog. I only got in 2 miles, but its better than nothing. I was going really slow to, but that didnt bother me. It felt like a nice pace and I was doing something! I have found myself snacking to much though. First it started last night by going to the party without eating dinner. So I munched on all kinds of bad foods...Doritos, yogurt covered cookies, eclair chocolate puffs, etc. I did taste some yummie rasberry beer...not sure how bad that was though. And at work today I wasnt much better! A few chocolate carmel corns (sounds gross, but they were yummie), and I ate a bag of Salt and Vinegar chips at lunch. I think its that time of the month where Im getting those cravings. So I need to work through those with healthier options. I need to nip this in the butt right away, or it could end badly. So I will bring my own healthy snacks the rest of the month...thats the only way I wont snack on those not so good foods!

I need to go back and read some blogs from the beginning of the month...this is suppose to be my month! My time to finish off the year with a bang. Im so close to my weight loss goal and I dont want to take 5 steps back and hate myself in January for it. I will not let my moods/emotions dictate my actions. I am in control, and only me.

So tonight I have another Lia Sophia party, and I will NOT snack on unhealthy treats. And this weekend I will be a successful weekend warrior. Funk you will be gone ;)

A Funk

2007-12-12T08:45:00.000-05:00

So Im not sure what my deal is lately. Im just very meh. No particular reason, nothing really going on to bring me down....so Im not sure what this funk is all about. I know this happens time to time, as it has many times while on this journey. I just hope it passes sooner than later.

I haven't worked out since Saturday, but it was a great workout. I went for a jog up at the community center. I decided I would do some HIIT. I did a total of 2 miles, with 4 rounds of sprints - they probably were 1 to 2 minutes. It kicked my ass. I didnt know if Id make it back to the car :p Dripping in sweat in twenty degree weather is pretty satisfying I might add. :)

Since than there has been time to workout, I just havent. But I need the boost, if for my mood at the minimum. So hopefully my doctors appt today wont go over an hour, if its less I can go get a jog in while its still light out. Ive decided against the Arthritis 5k this Saturday since I shouldnt be spending the extra money right now, even if it is fitness related. Im running the race on NYE which is only two more weeks away, so Im still in a race this month. I need to work on increasing my distance to since that race is 4 miles. I was thinking of buying some new weights for at home workouts as a Christmas present for myself, but probably not till after Christmas. Im debating what weight to get though, want it to last me a while. I really like those adjustable weights but they are a little pricey for my budget right now.

It was so great to meet Beck and Kevin, and see everyone else again. We are so lucky to have so many of us in one state. I have to admit I was a little intimidated to meet Kevin, I think its due to all the intense pictures he posts. Intimidating? Nah. Beck and him are such great people, and I hope they move back to Michigan! The time flew by so fast! Dont you love that? Your having such a great time that time literally flies by. We could of chatted all night if we had time :) Poor Grant was sick that day, and I felt bad for dragging him out. He crashed when we got home for the night. :(

You would think after Sundays meeting with the lovely FAT members, Id be motivated more. And hearing all of Robs hurdles lately definitely gets me inspired...but where can I find some more motivation?

This is kinda of a whining post, so I think Ill stop now. I need to change gears, things could be worse. I think I need to find some Christmas spirit to get me back in the right mind frame. That always puts a smile on my face :)

Playing Catch Up

2007-12-12T07:15:00.000-05:00

Funny how I lasted like 7 days with the daily blogging. LOL Also ironic that I haven't exercised since Saturday, which was close to when the last day I blogged....funny how that works eh?

I do have to say the busy schedule has set in a little bit, between Christmas shopping, appts, and trying to get my Lia Sophia business off....I dont find a lot of time left in the day. But enough to workout, so I have no excuse except lazy. Ill blog more about that later. But now time for some more tips.

Tip # 8 - Stay organized.Keep a running list of errands, groceries, and gifts, and make a plan to finish as many things in as few trips as possible. You'll save time, gas and your own sanity!

I do this time from time, but I have definitely did this for the month of December. Just to many things going on right now...that how could I not. Im such a spreadsheet geek sometimes, and you would think I get sick of it since I work with them all day! My gift buying spreadsheet is quite impressive I might add. :) Anyhoo, Im always looking to save gas and time, so this is a daily task in my schedule.

Tip # 9 - Think before you bite. Before you try every irresistible food that crosses you path, think first. How will you feel after you eat them? Is the taste really worth it? Could you enjoy just a small amount instead?

Ironically, I practiced this tip the other night. I had a meeting on Monday night (an hour away, bleh!), and my manager ordered appetizers for everyone. Read that as deep fried everything! I looked at it, and said its not worth it....and no I couldnt enjoy just one. So passed on it, and got a lite beer instead. Which was quite enjoyable I might add. Dont worry it was for Lia Sophia, so very casual where ordering a beer wasnt "unprofessional", as most woman were drinking margaritas. lol

Tip # 10 - Walk more. Keep a brisk walking pace while you do your holiday shopping. Instead of wasting time looking for a closer parking spot, take a faraway one to increase your activity (and save time).

I do this all the time, since walking is my forte ;) When looking for parking spots, I usually park farther away to get extra exercise. And with the new mini cooper, Grant doesnt want anyone banging their door into it, so he even parks far away now to. Brisk walking while shopping...Ill have to remember that...Im such a window shoppper though so that one may be hard. But at the mall I will take the stairs vs the escalator ;)

Tip # 11 - Enjoy a preparty snack. If you arrive famished, you're more likely to devour too much of the wrong things. Try a combination of fiber, protein and healthy fats for more filling power.

This is a great tip, and I need to remember it more often. The other night I was really famished when I got to that meeting. Thankfully I didnt devour to many of the wrong things, but I did get to the point where I felt sick because I was so famished. Not the smartest move.

Tip# 12 - Wash your hands. The holiday season coincides with cold and flu season. Keep germs at bay by washing your hands well after shopping, visiting and
more. No one wants sickness to interfere with their fun!

I definitely dont want any more sickness! Wash, Wash, Wash...now if only some of the people at work would wash their hands. Its seriously so gross.

I need some breakfast and than Ill blog more :)

2007-12-08T08:42:00.000-05:00

Hold on to your hats boys and girls, I missed 2 days worth of tips so double the fun today :)

Tip 6 - Focus on people. Too often, food takes center stage of our holiday gatherings. Instead, focus on your loved ones, activities, and other traditions that make the holidays meaningful.

I like this tip a lot. Its exactly what you can do to stay away from the food. Rather than hang out in the kitchen, picking at the spread. I can take a relative in another room and catch up on each others lives. Or better yet, I can also involve myself with playing with the kids...they never have time to eat :)

Tip 7 - Budget wisely. Watch your food intake during the day if you're going to a party that night. Make healthy, filling choices beforehand, budgeting a few more calories to account for the party fare.

When I first read this, I thought thats right budget wisely money wise! But how could I forget, this is fitness/diet related. lol Its very easy to not watch my food intake during this time of the year. Usually my calendar is filled with activities, my to do list is a mile long, and food is sometimes the last thing on my mind. So in those situations sometimes I will grab whatever is convenient, and easiest. No I can not do that. My food intake is just as important as my activities and my to do lists. So this tip is a great one to keep in mind. Be aware of what Im eating and how much during the day. And if I am going to be at a party/event where there may be some nice yummie treats, and delicious drinks than I have to plan. Budget for those extra calories, and in the end Ill will be happier that I did. :)

So this weekend is the last weekend that Grant and I have to just relax. Than our busy schedules start, with our calendars filled with things to do. So we are going to do just that, relax. Today we are going to put up the tree. Im super excited about this, as Ive mentioned before how much I love Christmas decorations. We are still trying to figure out where we are going to put it....some rearranging will have to be done. Oh boy, the dogs will not like that one bit! Since they are the boss around here with their own couch in one window, and their own bed (futon) in the opposite window. They are so spoiled.

The sun is shining so bright today that the basement is fully light up....which is a hard thing to do! So Im definitely going to head out there and enjoy it a bit. I think Ill head to the bike path for a jog today, for a different scenery. I want to try to do some HIIT in my jog. I tried it last night and I dont know if I can do it. Im sure I can. But lately I cant seem to push anything further than 3 miles, and even doing that I feel like Im struggling to not stop. (Can I try to blame it on the snow and ice I ran on? That was fun :) ) I can only keep a steady speed, and nothing more. Im still managing about 10-11 minute miles, but I feel like Im going so slow, but maybe I need to go even slower (if thats possible) so I can increase my speed later in the run. I think going to the bike path will help because I wont be able to worry about traffic, and the miles will be marked. So today I will push myself. I will work out this HIIT, and feel great when Im done. I can do this.

Another Sign - this time in my inbox

2007-12-06T14:27:00.000-05:00

So this morning I got an email from Spark People, (Im getting all kinds of good things from them this month!), and I think its absolutely what I needed to hear. After my day yesterday it helped set my priorities straight, and refocus on what really is important.

A Story of Priorities and a Jar

Tips for Squeezing More into Your Life

A professor of philosophy stood before his class with some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks about two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was full.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly and watched as the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The professor then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They chuckled and agreed that it was indeed full this time.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. The sand filled the remaining open areas of the jar. “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar signifies your life. The rocks are the truly important things, such as family, health and relationships. If all else was lost and only the rocks remained, your life would still be meaningful. The pebbles are the other things that matter in your life, such as work or school. The sand signifies the remaining “small stuff” and material possessions.

If you put sand into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks or the pebbles. The same can be applied to your lives. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are truly important.

Pay attention to the things in life that are critical to your happiness and well-being. Take time to get medical check-ups, play with your children, go for a run, write your grandmother a letter. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, or fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first – things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just pebbles and sand.

Finding time in the day for fitness or participating in other athletic endeavors should be considered a “rock” for us all. Physiologically, working out releases endorphins in the body. These endorphins are natural pain-relievers produced by the body. This is what gives us the natural high experienced after a workout. This natural high has the potential to positively influence our daily interactions by making us feel better about ourselves. Make fitness a rock solid priority in your life and reap the benefits.

Moral of the story for me? Quit wasting ALL of my energy on the smaller things, and letting those small things dictate my actions. When the day seems like a failure, theres nothing better to focus on me, especially by doing a workout :)

Listen to the signs

2007-12-05T21:00:00.000-05:00

Try healthier recipes. When treats are in the house, more of the dessert usually ends up in your belly than in your guests. So keep some low fat, low-calorie recipes and foods on hand.

Do you have to cook in order to have low fat, low calorie recipes on hand? :p I do cook just not that often. :) Low fat, low calories foods on hand..I can do that one though :) Im the type of person that is out of sight out of mind. So if those goodies are in the house...I will eat them. So this month I must keep them out of the house! As you read about my peanut butter cookie indulgement the other night. This tip is good though, its reminds you to plan, plan, plan. Without a plan, only the strong survive. And I was quite the example of that today!

Today was a really weird day. Is it possible that I actually had every mood face in the image above? I have felt really torn like in a tug of war with my emotions lately. I think it may be a result of S.A.D., Seasonal affective disorder. Or maybe not. I feel I have experienced S.A.D in previous years, but that's self diagnosing myself. Maybe I should ask for one of those special light bulbs for Christmas so it can help me out. The sun was just out yesterday and for a bit today, so maybe Im wrong. I should check my calendar, maybe its that time of the month :p Sorry guys. lol

Anyways, back to my day. So I planned half the day, up to lunch. After that I was sort of winging it. Yeah...winging it really isnt my forte, so Im not sure what I was thinking about that. I had to go in for blood work after work so by the time I got home I was pretty famished! And irrated with traffic at that point. When did rush hour start at fricken 3pm around here?! So on the way home what do I see talking to me? The McDonald's sign. I dont even like McDonald's that much anymore..but the fries were smelling good. I pulled right in. Oh wait isnt this when Im suppose to call you Kristen so you can talk me out of it? Well I ordered a cheeseburger and fries and get up to the window and they dont open the window, they release a drawer for you to put your money through. Wouldn't you know...my money wasnt secure and it blew away....if thats not a sign that I shouldnt of been getting McDonalds..than I dont know what is! But I caught the money and still got the food. Of course I felt like crap after eating it, and I was exhausted which seems to be a daily thing for me now, so took a nap. I was woken up to Bandito jumping on me an hour later, and decided to do some cleaning around the house. So at least I got somewhat productive again.

This daily blogging thing sure are making my blogs more boring :p But if I wasnt daily blogging than I may have not shared my oh so weak moment eh? Oh well, whats done is done. Tomorrow is a new day, and it will be a better day.. The weather is getting pretty brutal, which makes me uneasy for running in it. I think maybe I should consider something that covers my face a bit more. I feel like Im going to look like that scene in Dumb and Dumber, where they are riding the motorcycle in the freezing weather, and they have icicles on their face. lol

Ahhhh the chronicles of my entertaining life :) 2 more days till the weekend, can I get a WOOHOO! Hell yeah :)

Roller Skating - a fun workout!

2007-12-04T21:04:00.000-05:00

Simplify gifts. Your loved ones probably feel just as overwhelmed about gifts as you do.Instead of buying for everyone, draw names from a hat or give to a charity in someone’s honor.

What a great tip! I tend to overdo Christmas, a lot. This year though Im trying to be financially smart. We chose to do secret santa in my family, so that narrows it down to 5 nieces and nephews, and 1 adult family member. When it use to be 14 people! And I opt out at work for secret santa. My friends and I that usually exchanged agreed no secret santa this year either. So I think this year defintey will be simplified. I also highly recommend giving to charity in someones honor. I dont know a better gift than that one!

So the scales been moving up and Ive been pretty bloated all week. Is it from all the fruit Ive been eating? Ive been eating more fruit than usual. I dont like it one bit though. I have been having trouble getting up for work in the morning as well. I have an appt with my endocrinologist tomorrow so hopefully we can see if my thyroid levels have dropped again. Well when I wake up late, I have to work late. Which sucks for not getting any workouts done outside. I tried the recommendation of interval training, but I think I need to work at it a bit more. I felt so unorganized and unsatisfied. Im think I just didnt feel like I was doing what I needed to do to get a sweaty workout. lol I think Ill research a bit more on different moves to do. But today the sun was shining and I had to get out in it, so I jetted home as fast and safely as I could. Threw on some workout clothes and went out for a jog. I only got 2 miles in before it got dark, but was pleased I got something in! Than I watched Intervention, (one of my top shows to watch), and than went roller skating afterwards :)

I havent been skating in YEARS! I use to go all the time when I was younger - speed skating, twirling, backwards skating, dancing on skates, etc. But its been a good 10 years since I even put skates on! My sister is having a hernia surgery on Thursday so the whole family headed out for a family skate night. My parents, 3 sisters, all the nieces and nephews, and one of my brother in laws made it to. How fun! My skates didnt fit from my younger years so I had to rent skates. They actually arent as bad as they use to be. They actually are skate-able. lol I have to say I didnt catch on as fast as I thought I would. But I was working up quite a sweat :) After about an hour I was grooving right along though. Although I was scared to do the cross over skate thing when I was turning. But I had some good speed going. :) My sister use to be an awesome skater when she was younger. She could do it all, star skater. Well it was great to see her doing her thing again. She has a disease where she has inflammation of her arteries, and she was on steroids for years. She gained a lot of weight with the steriods, and she tried everything and couldn't lose the weight. So she had gastric bypass this year. (I feel like Ive mentioned this before...if I did sorry!). For years she couldn't do anything. We went dancing before her surgery and she could dance one song and have to sit out. When we go now she dances for hours! And tonight was another great moment seeing her fly around that rink, turning around, backwards skating...it was just such a great site to see :)

Two great moments of the night. My brother in law said, Melissa you are looking great!!!! And said he wants to join me on a future 5k. Very cool :) And I think I mentioned before that my stepdad is adopting me, adult adoption. Well my niece said to me, Aunt Melissa...I cant wait until you are my true real aunt, you know legally. :)

Its been a nice night :)

To Splurge or Not To Splurge?

2007-12-03T20:12:00.000-05:00

Splurge wisely. The holidays only come once a year, but the parties, events, and gifts of food never seem to end! Decide which ones are really worth splurging for, and leave the other foods on the table.

While I think this is a good tip, it might not be a good tip for everybody. Splurging wisely is not something you can just pick up, it definitely takes a lot of practice. It could be quite challenging, especially if your an emotional eater. And the holidays for some people can have lots of high and low times emotionally. But if you put a plan in place, and are in tune with your feelings than splurging wisely, or choosing not to splurge at all can be a great success. Of course we want to enjoy some of the food during the holidays, so having this tip in mind would be a good idea when those moments come across. But if we are having a down day, than not splurging at all would always be a great idea. Coming from an emotional eater ;)

This morning was our official weigh in for our December challenge. I have to admit I wasn't surprised by the jump on the scale. Yesterday I was a little out of control with some artichoke dip, and the peanut butter cookies my mom sent home with me. They are my favorite cookies. Maybe I needed to get that out of my system, or maybe I just cant have those cookies in the house :p, but thats was yesterday. And now its today. And I have 4 weeks to blow 2007 out of the park, and Im looking forward to seeing how this month pans out. I am thinking of running in the Arthritis 5k on December 15th. I know that will get me out running more than twice a week. And than Ill finish off the month with the NYE run :)

I asked for a Garmin Pedometer for Christmas. Its the one gift I really, really, really want. It will be great for 3 day training, and for jogging. Who would of thought I would ever be so excited to get a pedometer. Definitely not me a few years ago!

Well time to go finish up the laundry and off to bed. Last night I was tossing and turning all night. I think I may have only gotten 4 or 5 hours of sleep, so I have some catching up on my beauty rest to do. :)

Tip of the Day, Musicals, and Running

2007-12-02T21:57:00.000-05:00

Day 2 Healthy Tip: Stay active. Don’t mistake being "busy" for being "active." You still need to exercise at least 30 minutes each day. Break it up into a few smaller sessions throughout the day if you're pressed for time.

Now this is a great tip. I have been so guilty plenty of times when I push being active to the side because Im on the go go go. Ill always do it tomorrow. But why not today? Today is actually better than tomorrow. So even when I feel that I dont have another minute in my schedule, I will take a closer look at where I can fit in 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there. Its may be a lower intensity workout, but nonetheless its a workout.

My weekend has been pretty pleasant. Hairspray was AWESOME! I absolutely loved it. The cast was absolutely amazing. In the movie there was some meh actors/actresses, but in this musical they all shined. The girl who played Penny actually was a little scene stealer, and it was her debut performance. That girl sang her lungs out! I really liked how they combined scenes from the original and the remake. I was a little disappointed in Detroit though. Although maybe the 8 o'clock crowd may have been more hyped. But at the end after they did their bows, they said come on Detroit, Dance! And the music started up and the actors danced. But there was maybe a handful dancing in the crowd. How could you not dance! I was practically jumping out of my seat :) I went with my friend Fran. Sorry to disappoint you, because I know you all were thinking Grant was some musical fanatic :p Fran is so cultural, and I love hanging out with her. She seems to always know of interesting things going on around town, and it gets me trying new things all the time. Its been hard transitioning my life to involve more sober social activities, and finding sober friends. My friendship with her has really been helpful :)

Last night we went to the bar to hear Claude VonStroke and it was such a great time. It was a little hot in there, so I think I may have sweated off some pounds! lol The music was good, and we danced the night away. A good night out was long overdue for Grant and I. So that was nice.

So as I was browsing a message board the other day I came across the question, Why do you run? This is an interesting question, and the responses I read were pretty consistent. So I asked myself, Mel why do you run? When I first started running I did it mainly for weight loss. I knew that it would help in that respect. I also did it to keep me focused, and its has succeeded my expectations on that as well! Its probably the hardest cardio Ive tried, and mainly thats because it is very psychological. So not only am I working on myself physically, Im also working on myself mentally. Those two things working together are amazing. I love when you see another runner out when your on your run, you bond in a way that your friends and family who are not runners could never understand. And that is simply by just nodding, waving, or smiling at another runner. Its such a connection. I also love running because I feel like an athlete, Ive never, ever felt like one in anything Ive did before and I even played sports in high school! lol I also love to run because everyone has always doubted me to do it. I have really bad knee problems, but my orthopedic surgeon said you can be a runner just like everyone else. He gave me tips and good information on how to go about it. And he was right, I can do this. I havent had one knee problem yet!

Even though Im still a novice runner, its difficult. I dont think it will ever get easier. And thats why I love doing it. Everytime Im done I feel accomplished. I thought walking 60 miles in 3 days felt awesome, but running is a whole different ballpark. Its kind of funny that sometimes when Im running Im think this is miserable. Just one race and you have proved your point. You have met your goal, you dont need to do this. But when Im done Im like that wasnt to bad. And the fact is, I do need to do this. I need to push myself, and running seems to be the one thing where I do push myself. I told Kristen last night that I want to run a half marathon. I said I dont know if I can do it, but I really want to do one. And this has been an ongoing debate in my head for the last few years. And debate no more, Im going to do one. If not in 2008, well than in 2009. But I will do one. I think it is one goal I really need to accomplish.

31 Days to Healthier Holidays

2007-12-01T09:48:00.000-05:00

So I get daily emails from Spark People, and they are pretty informative sometimes. Little tidbits I never thought of. I got this email from Spark People the other day titled "31 days to healthier holidays." I thought what a great article! So to help me be more accountable in blogging every day, and to make this my best month yet Im going to post each day with the healthy tip of the day :)

"Take Inventory. Identify all the situations (office parties, mall food courts, family gatherings) that make it difficult for you to eat healthy during the holiday season. Make a plan for staying on track in every situation."

This is a really good tip. Prepare for all those holiday situations so I can succeed in each one, and not consume a bazillion calories. With all the family, work, and friend get togethers this month this may be a daily task for me!

I thought I was going to be able to sleep in today, but Bandito thought otherwise. So I was up at 8:30. Jen and I were going to walk but I wanted to sleep in, instead. I should of known that wasnt going to work out! lol So I shall go for a jog instead. Im pretty excited because this afternoon Im going to see the musical, Hairspray. This is my all time favorite musical. And this is going to be my first musical show. So I think Im in for a treat :) And tonight we are heading to the bar to see Claude VonStroke. Grant and I have been dying to hear some good live music lately, so I hope this fills that need :) We are having a little drama in our circle of friends, so I hope it doesnt get out of hand. I dont think it will. But theres a lot of hurt emotions going around, and well that can either end on a good note or bad note. Last night brought more clarity to me in regards to life, friends, etc. Life is to short and precious to harbor anger and hurt feelings inside. At some point, you just have to let things go. And I hope Grant can do that tonight. Enough about that, but this situation has been stressing me out. *sigh*

Last night I had my Lia Sophia fundraiser, and it went really well. I didnt think it would though! I invited about 35 people, and as of Wednesday night I had only 5 coming. Talk about a shitty turnout eh? I couldnt believe how many people canceled at the last minute or just wouldnt give me a concrete answer. I did start to let the negative talk come into place, and thought oh boy if this is what my fundraiser year is going to look like I have a long year ahead of me! But I quickly turned that thought around. If I have to do 20 fundraising events, so be it. I will make my goal of $4400 :) So the party started at 6:30, my first guest to arrive was at 7:05 and that was my mom and two sisters! lol Jens sister showed up shortly after that. And my neice, Monica, went to my house but the party was at Jens house. So she was a little late, but she brought a friend so yay to that! And than right after her was my coworker and her mother. So better turnout than I expected. So we got the party started a little over an hour later than planned. But thats all good :) We showed a video of opening ceremonies. A walkers husband made this DVD of opening ceremonies, closing ceremonies, pit stops, camp, cheering stations, the works. Its very cool, but very emotional..well for me. I try to watch it a couple times a month to get my 3 day fix. :) As I watched it all I could think of was Dawn, and tried to keep it together. The Lia Sophia advisor has breast cancer, and had a double mastectomy 4 weeks ago. So this event was special to her as well. Well the show went on, and in the end I ended up surpassing anything I thought I was going to! The party brought in almost $900 in sales :) I get 15% of that towards my fundraising goal. The advisor auctioned off a discontinued piece, and I made $50 off that to. I still have a few outside orders to get so may have potential to make a little bit more. A couple hundred bucks in my fundraising account for just having a girls night of fun, thats the best fundraising you can get :) It was a great jump start to my fundraising. Im really pleased with the outcome in regards to the attendance. Imagine if all those people would of actually came...I would of blown the sales away! One event down, many many more to go :) And on another great note, since I did over $600 in sales that qualifies me as an advisor. So Im good to go now! Woohoo! Show me the money :)

Heres a few pictures from last night:

This is Me, Pam, and Jen - (jens tree was amazing!)

Here is Me and Jen

And here is my mom, me, my two sisters Robin, and Kelly

My eating lately has been pretty decent, but theres always room for improvement. Im not gonig to indulge in anything this weekend. Ill make my trip to the fruit market, and restock my shelves with some healthy snacks. My workouts have been sporadic. But Im going to do some strength training after I post this, and than go out for a 3 mile jog. December, I own you. Im going to making a dent in these last 10 pounds this month. That I promise!

ETA: Just ran 3 miles in 29:46 - a week off made it TOUGH. But damn did it feel good when I was done :) Ill need to start increase my miles if Im going to finish the 4 mile race on NYE :)

Hello December!

2007-11-29T20:36:00.000-05:00

Well November has been a weird month for me. There has been some high points and some low points. But I think Im ready for December. I love this time of year. I love Christmas. I love the decorations. I love the snow. I love sipping hot chocolate and staring at the Christmas tree all lit up. I love the music (yes Im a freak that LOVES Christmas music). I love the bonding. I love buying that special gift. I love spending time with family and friends. Its just such a great time of the year.

I can feel this Christmas is going to be more special than any others. Im just in totally different place than I have been in the past. Im so thankful for so many things in my life right now. I really love where I am right now. :) And this is the first Christmas Im not working in retail :p So I actually get to enjoy the holiday activities. :)

Along with Christmas comes the last month of the year. The last month to really give it my all in regards to fitness and nutrition. My last big umph before I go into the new year.

"The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!"

With the results that Ive seen in the last 6 months, Im very excited to see how December pans out. November was a bit shaky, but I have confidence that Ill get right back to where I want to be in December. There are so many challenges in this month. So many chances to slip up. But this year that is not going to be my story. Im going to finish on top. Im not going to deprive myself, Ill indulge here and there, but I wont completely undo all the work Ive done up to this point. You have to enjoy the Holiday, but enjoy it moderately ;)

As the weather is getting colder, its getting harder to make myself get outside and workout. The wind has been pretty rough lately, and I havent been jogging as much as Id like. Im a little nervous about the race on NYE. I know if I layer enough Ill be fine, I just need to get myself out there. And I cant think of any better way to end my year than with a race. Its like the icing on the cake for me :)

I did get an offer from Bally's to come back for only $99 for a year. Im very tempted to take it. But remember how much I hate that place. But Im still debating it. It may be worth my while, especially when the ground gets snowy and icey.

These are just a few things on my mind tonight :)

My Holiday Weekend

2007-11-26T20:41:00.001-05:00

So my holiday weekend went rather well. Well diet wise. I was sick all week so didnt go to work all week, and I think its a break I needed. I started off the Holiday with my turkey trot as I mentioned earlier, and was pleasantly surprised by the outcome of that :) We were going to Grants aunts house for Thanksgiving dinner a few hours after that. I love his family, so was excited to go spend time with them. And his dad sure was flying the compliments my way, which was quite flattering. :blush: I did fairly well with dinner, controlling my portion sizes, and had a small piece of banana pudding pie for desert. I definitely felt full and not stuffed, which was my plan. Grant and I decided to go catch a movie thanksgiving night, American Gangster, I highly recommend it. Awesome flick! And I love Densel Washington. I did indulged in a small popcorn there, and savored the flavor! heh

On Friday I was planning on just chilling around the house, maybe do a little house cleaning. Bandito promptly woke me up at his normal weekend time of 8am. Sleepy eyed I let him out and decided to check my email while I waited for him to do his business. I planned on jumping right back in bed. As I opened my email I noticed an email from my friend Dawn. And the subject said, Update. I was hesitant to open it. I met Dawn on the 3 day in 2004. She was a breast cancer survivor at that point, and shortly after our walk the cancer came back. She has been battling it for the last 3 years. Well I decided to open it and halfway through the email the tears started to stream down my face. Over the last month she hasn't been feeling to good, so went in to get some testing done. There has been more progression in her cancer, and her doctor informed her on Wednesday that "statistically speaking" she has 2 to 6 months. She will still continuing with chemo and will be starting radiation therapy, so she has not given up hope, but is also being realistic. Three years ago when she began this journey, she was given months to years, so she said she has had time and is still hopeful for more.

First my heart stopped. Than my heart jumped in my throat. Than I couldn't control my tears. Than all these emotions and words starting flying through my head. Sad, Angry, Mad, Hopeless, etc. All I can say is cancer sucks. It simply is not fair. I tried to go back to bed and just laid there sobbing in Grants arms. I just let it all out. I than decided I needed a well supported day to get through it. So headed to my parents house. My hometown was having their Thanksgiving parade and I decided to go to that with them. My mom called my sister and brother in law, and they met us up there. It was nice to have them there. I was pretty much in a daze the rest of the weekend. Trying to process everything. I talked to a friend that recently had a friend pass away of cancer and our chat was soothing. Today Im doing better. Cancer is such a horrible disease, and its so painful to see the ones you love fight it. All I can keep doing is praying for Dawn, and pray for the strength to be there for her when she needs me. God has his plan for Dawn, and while we all would love for her to be here with us and sometimes we dont understand his plan....we have to believe and trust in him. Dawn is so positive. I know it was just an email vs face to face, but in the email you can feel the strength Dawn has, and just how at peace she is with her mind and heart. She says sure it sucks, but this is what Im dealt. So the only thing I can do is what Ive done all along, stand by her as her friend and pray. Please keep Dawn and her family in your prayers and thoughts.

The rest of my weekend went pretty good. I had a tattoo consult on Saturday that went very very very well. Im so excited! This is my weight loss "reward". Im going to dedicate a separate post for that one though ;) And Sunday I got out for a jog, 3.5 miles. It felt good to be out jogging again but it was a little rough. And than I was pleasantly surprised this morning by finally breaking through 145. 144.5, but hey its the lowest Ive been yet! Ive been gaining and losing the same 5lbs all month! Im 3.5 pounds away from my November goal which I dont think will happen. So hopefully December is a better month. Actually, yes December will be a better month :)

A Long Overdue Turkey Trot Report

2007-11-24T20:32:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting to get on here and blog about my very awesome Turkey Trot, but Thanksgiving day was busy busy, and on Friday I got some very sad, upsetting news, and well I havent been in the right state of mind since. Ill speak more on that in another post because I do need all of your prayers and support, but this post is strictly Turkey Trot business. It was such a wonderful experience and this post should be all wonderful.

With that being said..can I say 30:46!!!! Can you believe it?! Can I say how geeked I was?

As I mentioned before I was sick the last 4 days before the race, and even tried to go out for a jog on Wednesday and it was a disaster. My cold had moved into my chest, and when I jogged I could barely breath. I gave up after 1.5 miles and walked home. So I had no idea what would happen at the race. I was so anxious for the race the night before that I woke up probably every other hour through the night. Finally the alarm went off at 6am, and I popped out of bed. The drive there was pretty easy, but once I got off the freeway it was like a parking lot. I sat in traffic for about 40 minutes and I finally found a parking garage open. I chatted with Kristen and she was still stuck in traffic to, so I told her where Id be and met her there. I called Rob, and Jim and him were going to meet me in the lobby of the building the race started in front of. So I paced around the lobby for a little while and it was like 5 minutes before race time, and nobody. So I called Kristen, she had found Rob and Jim and they were calling me but I didnt get the call. My signal kept dropping. Go figure! So by that time there was so many people lined up to start the race that there was no way I could find them. :( So I told Kristen I would call them when we were done. I do have to admit, I was a little intimidated to jog with them. Damn my insecurities eh? But I still was pretty bummed that I couldnt find them, and wasnt going to be able to run with them. But I know there will be plenty of other races. It would of been nice to experience my first 5K with such supportive friends as Jim, Rob, and Kristen. Especially when I was having those pre-race jitters. :)

Anyhoo, well the race started and off I went, well not right away. It took me a few minutes to get past the start line. I kept a pretty good pace, starting off slow. It felt awesome to be passing people up. :) I got to the half way point and I was still feeling pretty good. Getting a little warm, but it was all good. I stripped off the gloves at this point, and the girl next to me said, did we pass the 2 mile mark yet? Please say yes. I laughed and said I think we are almost there. Shortly after that I got a little tired. But I said no walking. You can do this. Focused on some breathing and checked out the scenery along the way. People were all dressed up so it was quite amusing. And the people yelling, go runners!, made me smile :) (Wait, did they just call me a runner? Well yes I think they did. Melissa a runner...who would of thought?!) When I was almost to where the start line was...I got geeked, and even looked at the girl next to me and said...we are in the home stretch! Not quite. We had to loop around, go down a hill, and loop around again. But no problem. I crossed the line at somewhere around 32:00. But when I checked the website time it was really 34:04...so not sure what I was looking at! I knew that it took a few minutes to get across the start line so thought I may have come in around or a little above 30 minutes, and that made me feel real good. I cooled down a bit, went and grabbed some water and than found Kristen, Rob, and Jim. It took a few phone calls to find them though. Maybe I should of had on my bunny ears like on the 3 day. :)

Finally I found my FAT family. I thought, yay! Im no longer the lost little girl :) It was so great to meet Rob! You guys love Rob through his blog....wait till you meet him :) I love meeting people online. Its like you chat for so long, and when you finally get to meet each other its just so much more satisfying. I knew that meeting Rob (since I already met the Kristen and Jim) was definitely going to be anything but awkward. So when I saw Rob I gave him a hug and it felt like seeing an old friend. It felt the same way when I met Jim on the 3 day. And it was great to see Jim again, since we havent seen each other since the 3 day. By the way Jim, your not that far from me...maybe I should meet you for a mall walk sometime :) And of course I couldnt help but be giddy while I hugged Kristen, because we just ran our first 5k! If it wasnt for Kristen, who knows if I would of ever even thought of running a 5k! It was really nice to see these guys after my race, because they know the journey Ive been on, and I know the journey they have been on. We did great on this race, and all have done such great work in the last year. It was such a great feeling of unity. Congrats to Jim, Kristen, and Rob...you guys rock! I hope that us FAT Michiganders can get together more often. And one day all of us FAT members get to meet!

Can I just say it again....30:46!!!!!! WOOOOHOOOO! Better than I ever imagined Id do, especially with feeling sick. To think 7 weeks ago I could barely jog 60 seconds, and now I can run a full 5k in almost 30 minutes! Go Me :)

There is a run on NYE, a 4 mile. Im so signing up and think that Kristen, Rob, and Jim may as well. Maybe Ill get to actually run that one with them :)

Heres pictures although you may have already seen them.

Another goal to mark off on my list. And time to add a few more :) I cant express how thankful I am for this group. Im doing things I never imagined I could do. Its simply amazing.

Hope to post later today...

2007-11-20T12:37:00.000-05:00

Ive come down with a sinus infection/headcold that is majorly kicking my ass. I just got back from the doctors and got some meds, and going to try to get some more sleep.

Hope to post more last today.

Sick before my first 5k. Can I say how bummed I am? :(

Deep Breath In, Deep Breath Out - Anger Released

2007-11-15T11:11:00.000-05:00

I have always been bad at separating my work life from my personal life. While I have improved I still struggle with it. My previous job I worked for was a very shady company and the stress it caused me was extreme. It caused quite a strain on my home life. With some therapy, I learned to separate the two, and also realized I needed to get a new job. lol

But I have slipped back into letting my job stress spill over into my personal life. And that really angers me. A lot. So at this very moment I take a deep breath in. deep breath out. And anger begone. If it was really that easy right?

I need to separate the anger from work and home, and leave it simply at work. I will not let the things I cant control at work determine how the rest of my life plays out. No way. With that being said, I am now going to post some happy, positive thoughts. Things that will change my mood from anger to simply thinking...well work woes...its just sad. And its not going to control my mood or actions!

I cant wait to get home and play with my dogs, I love those animals so much! Bandito is so cute. He curls his lip up like Elvis when hes concentrating really hard. It is the cutest thing! Something even cuter is he curls up to Vinyl and they spoon. I melt inside when I see it :) Vinyl is quite the moaner. You make a noise and she starts moaning at you, like shes singing in the opera. Dont you just love how animals make your life so much more enjoyable :)

Tonight I am going to release some stress by hanging out with a friend. We are going to check out her friends band, indie rock. I LOVE indie rock. And I love Frannie! So I think this is a perfect time to also have a night to release. Dance some of my anger/stress away.

In two weeks my stepdad and I are going to file the adoption papers. He is legally going to be my father. Im hoping the process is complete before the end of the year, and that is the best Christmas present I can ask for! He has been my dad for the last 17 years and I couldnt ask for a better one!

After work my jog is going to rock. When I get like this, what better way to release some of the emotions than through a sweaty workout. Those workouts that when you finish, your like damn...now that was a workout.

Even though sometimes I feel like life is hard with to all the obstacles Im facing, with past and present experiences, I really do value the work Ive done on my self esteem. I can confidently say that I do love myself physically in certain areas. I have the cutest button nose. I have two strong facial features that I use to hate as a child. High cheekbones, and freckles! My freckles are very sexy :) I do have two things that have been altered, but are also quite pleasant. My butt has seem so very ugly days, but lately its seeing very happy ones. I love to show it off now :p Grant seems to take to it as well since he says, buns come get dinner. Buns can you come here. Hey buns! lol And my boobs are freaking fantastic. Earlier this year I had a breast reduction and it was seriously thee best thing I could ever do for myself. 1100 grams removed, back and neck pain gone, and I can jog without getting a black eye! SCORE! My cleavage now doesnt appear to want to swallow someone. :)

More than you wanted to know eh? But guess what....my anger is completely gone now. Im grinning, and feeling quite upbeat. Ha!

Melissa - 1 Anger - 0

P.S. A BIG thank you to all of your comments on my last post. I so did not want to post those picture but your comments made the embarassment a little easier. I couldnt do the last 20 lbs without all of you. So THANK YOU F.A.T! XOXOXOX

P.S.S. I was trying to talk my friend April into joining FAT. Im so proud of her for commiting to the healthy lifestyle journey. April, I promise we wont bite! Love ya girl! :)

Progress Update

2007-11-13T20:45:00.001-05:00

Today I have been re-assessing my goals and trying to figuring out exactly what I want. Sure I want to reach that "goal weight" I originally set out, but what do I want to do also in regards to health. As I took measurements and pictures I do see a difference, but also see I have a long way to go. It helped put in to perspective that getting the weight off is one thing, but getting the physical results I want is a whole new ballpark. When I started off this journey, I just wanted to be able to exercise and not feel like I was going to die. I wanted to feel physically fit. Its weird when you first start off this transition to a new healthy lifestyle, you think geez it would be great if I can do 15 minutes of exercise. And just drop some pounds. But when you get into it, you realize you have potential for so much more. I would consider myself fit now. Not extreme fit, but definitely in an average range of where I should be. Now that I know that I have that potential I think I need to transition to the next level. Its obvious I can do cardio by now. But what good is cardio if Im not building muscle. I want to feel my cardio and strength training are on equal grounds..unlike now where cardio is the superior. So that next level is strengthening, toning, and decreasing body fat percentage. I have been doing some toning and strengthening but really just the bare minimum. Mostly because Im so lost on this subject. Muscles are nice, and I want them. (Although I do have to say my legs are looking mighty fantastic these days with the 3 day training and the jogging. :) )

I am going on a trip to Tampa in February with a bunch of girlfriends. We all met when I lost weight the first time on www.ediets.com, we have kept in contact for about 4 years. We have our own private forum that we keep in touch on. Yearly we have a "reunion" at one of the girls hometown(all of us live in different states.) So this year is Tampa. When we all met we decided to call ourselves the "bikini babes", since we all wanted to feel confident in a bikini. So you bet that we all are going to be living up to that title in Tampa. So my goal for that is February 29th. Im trying to set new goals that aren't weight loss related that will have me in that confident presence on this trip. This whole other side of working out is relatively new to me, so still unsure of how to set those goals.

Well I took some measurements and pictures tonight and figured Id do an update post.

August 2, 2007/November 13, 2007

Weight: 162/145
Size: 12/10
Waist: 37/34-1/2
Hips: 39/38-1/2
Chest: 36/35
Thigh: 26/23
Arm: 12/12

And I cant believe Im posting these pictures but here I go.

*big gulp*

Getting Closer and Closer

2007-11-13T07:40:00.000-05:00

To my goal! I am now 10 pounds away from my goal. I cant explain how this feels! Even though Im so close now, I have to stay focused. 10 pounds is 10 pounds, and Im sure it will not be any easier than the first 30!

The rest of my weekend was pretty good, minus one thing but that wasn't diet or exercise related. I took Saturday off from working out, and hung out with my parents all day. I tend to eat not so great with them, and we ate lunch at a Coney Island. I got a burger, but it was really good and I didnt stress over it. On Sunday I finished off my week with another 2 mile jog. My eating was pretty much on key this day. I found out on Friday evening that Gregs mom passed away. Greg was the friend from the 3 day I mentioned a few weeks back. She lost her fight with Breast Cancer. So Jen and I headed up to the funeral home Sunday afternoon. Greg was holding up pretty good but his daughter wasnt doing so great :( Betty sure did give Cancer a run for their money, and Im glad shes not in pain anymore. Damn I hate cancer.

Yesterday I started off another week of jogging with upping my mileage to 2.5. This turkey trot is in 9 days so figure 1/2 mile increase over 1/4 mile is probably better. I surprised myself yesterday as I seem to be doing with all this jogging. I managed 2.5 miles in 29:50 minutes. My first 1.25 miles was 14:50, and my second 1.25 mile was 15:00. Overrall I felt it went pretty well. I finally got my side stitch situation solved. Exhale on every left step. It worked wonders! Now if I can finally implement listening to music I think Ill enjoy it more. When I listen to music it throws off my breathing. The weather last night was beautiful, and today looks like another beautiful day. I headed into work earlier so I can get home and do my strength training before my jog...hopefully I have enough time before it gets dark.

So last night I did something I told myself I wouldnt do. I signed up to be a Lia Sophia advisor. I can see Beck cringing now. lol Lia Sophia is fashion jewelry if you didnt know. I love their jewelry and if nothing works out with it I at least get the stuff 70% off. Score! But this is the second party Ive been to in a month and the job sounded more and more intriguing. So last night I bombarded the advisor at the party with tons of questions, and it seems it works. The jewelry really does sell itself, and when people hear the discount they get when booking a party they cant pass it up. Even if I do just 2 shows a week, which is like 3 hours a show...I should make minimum $150 a week. Hey that can be up to $600 a month. And thats the minimum. We sure could use that extra cash. So I jumped on the wagon. Im having a Lia Sophia fundraiser at the end of the month so thats going to be my qualifying show to get started. I hope it works out for me.

Anyhoo....so 10 pounds. Thats 5lbs this month and next month....thats doable. :)

ETA: How do you guys set your goals? I aimed for 2lbs a week and well never meet them by the end of the month. Most of you meet yours early, and I just wondered if Im off somewhere. Although 2lbs does seem a good amount per week to me. I think Ill edit my goals to evenly lose the remaining weight in two months.

Taking Back Control

2007-11-10T09:53:00.001-05:00

Well I am happy to say I have officially broke through the horrible week I was having. I am refocused, and it feels great :)

First let me tell you about the last day I had of that downwards spiral...where I had to say Melissa this is enough! It was Thursday and I was in a not so pleasant mood I suppose. I started off my day with oatmeal and a banana but that was the only good part of the day. Lunch consisted of chicken fingers and fries dipped in mayo. Than I hit up the vending machine mid afternoon for some junior mints. On my way home I stopped at McDonalds and got a double cheeseburger meal. An hour later I ate a bowl of cereal. And than Grant came home and is like I want Tubbys for dinner, and I said..so do I!So than I got a chicken and cheddar sub. Geez, you think I would of exploded at that point.

Yeah. After that night I said enough is enough. Seriously. So I started off Friday morning tipping the scale at 149. Almost to the 150's. A place I didnt want to visit again. I made better choices on Friday, not all good choice but better. I controlled my portion sizes, and learned to say no again. There was an afternoon break where my two coworkers literally raided the vending machine and I said Ill just fill this water bottle. And for dinner we got pizza, but I had two pieces (the smallest I could find), and went back for one more. But stared at it for a few minutes and than said to myself..your full you can feel it. Said to Grant, take this I cant eat it. I also topped my day off with a 2 mile jog and my strength training workout. And the scale dropped tremendously to 166.5 this morning. I read a comment that said the best motivation is to see that scale drop. And boy is that the truth. Watch out Im back :)

My workout yesterday...well it was rough. I went out to the track to get my jog on. I have to make sure I get out there early since its dark by 5. Good thing I get off at 3:30 from work. I started out my jog and at 1/2 mile I felt like I was going to keel over. It just felt like one of those days when this workout is going to suck. But I pushed through it. I really talk my way through the whole thing..just one more time melis..you can do this. Think of how you will feel! So I finished 2 miles in 22:40. Better time than my last! I was really fighting side stitches through this entire jog, and I read about the breathing and things to do...it helps but they were there every other 1/4 mile. When I was done.....I felt like I was on top of the world. I never got that workout high before in all the years Ive worked out. Never. But I had that high when I was done today. Boy was I missing out! I than came home and did my strength training and really pushed myself through it. I was tired from the jog, and everything seemed a bit harder. But Im gald I did.

Today Im going to go back out for another jog, and than Im heading over to my parents. We are going to a Pow-Wow by their house. Did I ever mention Im half native american? My mom is full blooded Mohawk. Our tribe is from Canada and Buffalo, NY area. I haven't been to a Pow-Wow in years so Im looking forward to it.

Stay strong through the weekend F.A.T!

On a side note...

2007-11-08T13:55:00.001-05:00

Tell me your thoughts on this shirt. Im thinking of getting some printed and selling as a fundraiser. Obviously its more of a girly girl shirt. Im thinking maybe even a fitted tshirt. Ill may come up with a few designs but this is the one I was working on last year but never folllowed through with it.

P.S. Dont forget to check out the blog below ;)

Obstacles

2007-11-08T13:01:00.000-05:00

Truth is, obstacles are always going to be there. Its how we decide what to do with them that matters. And Im still letting these obstacles control my behavior. I cant figure out why for the life of me. But Im tired of it. I need to regain control. I have a reward set out for when I reach my weight loss goal, and Im hoping this will kick some motivation into my butt!

Its basically just my food that Im having issues with. Im still working out regular. On Tuesday I even started a new strength training workout. And Im still feeling the pain today! Yesterday I went out jogging and I didnt know how Id do since I could barely walk. :p The first half mile was rough, I could feel every ache vibrate through my legs and butt as my feet hit the ground. But it subsided shortly after that. I managed a 12:20 minute mile for two miles. :) When I was done..oh boy, I was more sore than when I started. My legs felt like jello and my muscles were screaming at me! So the 2 miles I did on Sunday..it wasnt a fluke. lol I think Im finally connecting the mental part of jogging to the physical. And when Im mentally focused I can go further than I think ;) But not to worry, Im still only increasing my miles a little each week. I figure Ill keep my 2 miles this week, strive for 1/4 or 1/5 more next week, and the week after, and maybe Ill finish this 5k without walking :)

Back to my food issue though. Seriously lately Ive been eating fried this, white carb that. Its like you have a choice Melissa, so chose the right one. I know its making me sluggish but Im still doing it. I know a lot of my personal life is affecting the way I eat, and I need to learn to roll with those punches. Its a lot easier said than done I suppose. But each time is a new learning experience. I have gained some clarity in the last few days over this personal issue, and feel better today than I have all week. Im hoping this will roll over into my food area as well. I think I may set a mini reward for this month to, to help push my motivation. Becase sadly Im almost creeping back into the 150's.

Willpower

2007-11-06T12:40:00.001-05:00

Its been to long, dont you think? Ive been lazy thats all. I always have good intentions to blogging at night and it never quite happens. And when I dont blog well wouldn't you know...my diet/exercise isnt exactly in the all star league. Ive been lingering around 147-148.5 for the last week. While I have been keeping up with my workouts, my food has slipped here and there. Its like some days my will power is just out the window. Like listen to this.

On Saturday I went out walking with my friend Jen. We did 9 miles. Well I also was suppose to do one of my jogging days and figured Id just go out and do it after my walk. So I went as far as I could, 1 mile. On my way home, I start craving a donut. I drove towards Dunkin Donuts and tried to talk myself out of it, but it wasnt working. I even got into the drivethru, called Grant to see if he wanted to get something to eat, but he just ate. So through the drive thru I went. Willpower Melissa...willpower. Where did it go? I shamefully stuffed that donut in my mouth. And candy...I seem to crave candy a little to much lately. Its like right when I got that taste of sugar it took over me.

Well I didnt lose 27lbs to go right back to those horrible eating ways. So willpower you are coming back. Whether you like it or not! I have 12 pounds to my goal and I really would like to make that by Christmas. So I have to get it together!

Some highlights and lowlights (which may have caused some of my stress/emotional eating) of my time not blogging...

I ran 2 miles in 20 minutes on Saturday
I have realized that it will take me at least 4 perhaps 5 more years to graduate
My brother has once again struck my moms heart and left me to pick up the pieces
We finally got our washer and dryer hooked up! Goodbye laundrymat!
We visited Grants family last weekend and his stepmom gave me quite the compliments on how great Im looking. I blushed. lol
It was Banditos birthday on Friday - he is now two years old

And I will end this blog with some pictures of my baby boy when we first brought him home, and now two years later :)

Just missed it!

2007-10-31T21:38:00.000-04:00

So I searched and searched for an appropriate picture and found nothing. Nada! So this blog is plain Jane today. Anyhoo, so weigh in was today, and I missed my October weight loss goal by 1/2 pound! But Im not letting it get me to down, because I did pretty good for the month of October. 8 1/2 pounds lighter than I was in September. Thats quite a pickup from my previous months. And I reached my goal of fitting in a size 10 during this month. Not to shabby :) I'm a little nervous what November will bring. I was going to lessen my goal due to the holidays, but than realized that's a cop out! Im running a 5k on Thanksgiving and that is going to jump start my successful holiday!

Im doing better than I was on my last post. I'll admit I didnt blog because of my emotional status. I tend to be pretty raw sometimes, and not sure if I scare people away. So I steered away this time. But I had a few rough emotional days, and I gave in to a few temptations. Maybe if I would have blogged (practice what I preach eh?) than I may not have gave into as many temptations. When I think back on it...I didnt do to bad, and I balanced it with my workouts. I also didnt let one temptation derail to a whole weekend of them. My emotional eating has definitely improved tremendously. My temptations consisted of some candy, fries (my major weakness), a few martinis, and than we went to PFChangs again this past weekend for Grants birthday. I took a look at the nutrition value online. Holy crap. Yeah. 1800 calories for one meal. Insane. Should I be surprised? Probably not. I ate half my meal and got my butt back to the track!

Speaking of track - Im in week 4 of the couch to 5k program. Ive had some issues this week but am back on track. My first attempt to the track was quite the experience. I headed to the track on Monday and it was filled with kids. I think they were having some field day or something, they had a table on the track full of medals for them. I didnt bring my watch so couldnt opt out to run someplace else. I needed the track for distance measurement. So I decided that I would still do my jog, I was going to see how far I could go without stopping. Well than the parents showed up to, and the kids, parents, and coaches were all gathering on the track and field. At one point a parent was walking towards me, in the lane I was jogging, when I got close to her..she wouldnt move! She starred me down until I went around her. What is wrong with people? The kids kept weaving in and out of me so I did a mile in 15 minutes and called it quits.

But I was back at it the next day, and now Im currently up to this:
1/4 mile jog
1/8 mile walk
1/2 mile jog
1/8 walk
Repeat
That takes me roughly 30 minutes and its around 2 miles. I dont know if Im going to be able to jog the entire 5k in 3 weeks. And that is unacceptable to me since Im a perfectionist. But I have to come to terms that walking some of it is not a bad thing. More positive talking to myself and Ill get through it. Maybe Ill surprise myself and pull through the whole 3 miles. Ill have to see how the next 3 weeks go...I may feel more confident about it by Thanksgiving.

I think Ive done enough chatting for now. Happy Halloween everyone :) I survived the candy and sweet war at work. That is always a nice feeling :) I hope it was a successful day for all of you ;)

Not such a great night

2007-10-25T21:07:00.000-04:00

I will not let my emotions get the best of me. I will not turn to food. I will not use alcohol to numb my feelings. I will not. I. CAN. NOT.

Its been a rough night. Just some personal stuff going on that I'm not really going to go into, but it really turned my night upside down. I came home from work and caught another great episode of Oprah. Seal (the singer) and his wife Heidi Klum were on there. Seal is such a sweet guy! And a great husband :) After that, I decided to get another jog/walk in since its suppose to be raining tomorrow evening. So off I went to the track. I tried 3 minutes of jogging and 2 minutes of walking and it worked out much better than yesterday. I think the 3 minutes of walking was to much time in between the jogs. The jogs were easier on me in a way that my chest didnt feel like it was going to explode , but still a little rough as in I felt whooped after each 3 minutes. It felt like I was working hard, and I liked that. Will this jogging gig get easier? I hope one day the breathing comes second nature. I cant wait for that moment I get that "runners high". I have a feeling that will be many, many months from now :p

I stopped by Meijers on the way home and picked up something for dinner since I knew there wasn't anything healthy at home to cook. But I never got around to cooking dinner due to some "stuff" that went down. I cant believe how in a matter of a few hours you can be in such this great mood, and life is feeling great, to BAM! life isn't so great. We have to take the good with the bad I suppose. I still haven't ate dinner, but think Ill eat a bowl of cereal and than I'm heading to bed. I had to come post this blog or I was tempted to stuff my face or down a few beers. I think I'm past that moment now. Geez addiction sure is ugly, aint it?

Tomorrow's a new day, and I look forward to it.

Lets All Be A Tigger (Another great eposide by Oprah)

2007-10-25T08:23:00.000-04:00

So I love Oprah. I know lots of people disagree with my love for Oprah, but some of her episodes have really helped me have my "ah-ha!" moments. So I tivo Oprah everyday, but I dont get to watch her show everyday since as you all know life happens. As I was chatting with a friend yesterday, she was telling me about Mondays episode. She has been really blue this week, and after watching this episode it really helped her put things back in perspective. The show was about "confronting death". She said I had to watch it. So yesterday when I got home from work I did just that. Am I glad she recommended this episode. As I watched this episode it definitely added to the focus Ive had lately, and made my perspective even more clear on how I want to live my life. I want to be a Tigger rather than an Eeyore (although I have much love for the cuteness of Eeyore ;) ) I just had to share this with all of you. :)

On the show it had people dying with cancer, and how amazing heroic they are facing death. There was this man, Randy Pausch, and he has pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed last year and has gone through surgery, chemo, radiation, but the cancer has now spread and he has maybe up to 6 months to live. He is a married father of three children - all under the age of 5, and a professor at Carnegie Mellon University. This past September he gave his students a final lecture. There is a university tradition called, the Last Lecture. Hypothetically, if you knew you were going to die and you had one last lecture, what would you say to your students?" This was a reality for Randy. His lecture was on "childhood dreams". The lecture has been downloaded over a million times off the Internet. And he gave that lecture one last time on Oprah. Here is the link to the lecture:

http://www2.oprah.com/health/oz/oz_20071022_350_106.jhtml?promocode=HP23

Its about 10 minutes long, and make sure you grab a tissue ;-)

Have a great day FAT!

1 Week - Can I Do It?

2007-10-24T08:33:00.000-04:00

Sure I can :) Today's weigh in came right on target. I lost 3lbs last week, and have 3lbs left to reach my monthly goal. So this week is all about staying focused. No time for derailing. I lost 3lbs week 1 and week 3. Week 2 I stayed steady due to overindulging for my anniversary, so week 4 it is...I can do 3lbs.

Normally today I would give myself a "free day" which is more like an overindulge day. Nope, I cant allow myself to do that anymore. That is the mind thinking that caused me my weight gain in the first place. So this morning I was very satisfied with my oatmeal vs the bagel Id get on normal weigh in day. And a salad at lunch will be fine, I don't need those fries. (That's what I did last week.) The weekend may be a little tricky depending on what we do. We are still debating if we are going to go to the bar on Saturday to hear Adam Beyer or not. If we do, theres always the temptation of alcohol. I think I could successful finish the night off with water, maybe allow myself a red bull. On Sunday its Grants actual birthday, so we are going to his Aunts house. She just bought this new house, mansion apparently from what I hear, and they are celebrating Grant, his Aunt, and cousins birthday. So not sure what the food selection will be like...but I think it will be manageable.

Im in week 3 of the Couch to 5K. Ive changed it around a bit and am doing 3 minutes jog, 3 minutes walk instead of the 90 seconds jog, walk, 3 minutes jog, walk. I went to the track on Monday. Its getting dark even earlier now so I knew the track lights would come on so decided to do my jog there. I was there for 10 minutes and that mens football team showed up. I kept doing my thing, but thats when I decided to switch it up and did the 3 minutes jog, 3 minutes walk. So I was doing a little bit further than the 90 seconds. Yeah... a little insecurity creeped out there. lol But I was proud of myself, they started their game and were a bit rowdy but I kept doing my thing. Hey its a public area, Im getting my workout on. :)

On Monday morning I put on some of my usual work pants, which are a size 12. And they were way to big. Lately they have been a little big, but still wearable. But now they are almost falling off me! This past weekend I did fit into a size 10 jeans so thought I might be close to smaller size in my work pants soon. But oddly my work pants that I currently have from years ago that are a size 10 are still to tight in the butt/thigh area. So I headed to the store to pick up a few new pair of pants for work. I hate looking sloppy, especially at work. I Tried on some 10's and 12's, and I fit a size 10, like a glove! I did a happy dance in the fitting room. And than said, damn girl your looking good. :p Amazing how much a pair of pants that fit boosts your confidence! This sure beats the size 16's I was wearing this time last year!

Weekend Warrior

2007-10-21T21:47:00.000-04:00

What a weekend :-) I definitely earned the title of a weekend warrior. And guess what? It feels pretty freaking awesome.

Friday night was perfect. The guys had no idea we were there! We all gathered together and the athletic director and one of the coaches came over and gave us the agenda. And they got all chocked up while talking to us. They were overwhelmed by all the letters and cards they received from people on the 3 day. And said the event changed those boys lives. They were so excited we were there. So we lined up on the field out to the track, and formed a tunnel for the guys to run through. About 12 of us held up the banner for them to run through. A crew member brought a tent from camp, and we popped that up. (since the boys popped all those up for us!) And we had noise makers, our victory shirts on, some were dressed up in pink wigs and had pink pom poms to. When the boys came out they huddled on the track before running through us and they all took a double take. The announcer spoke about the 3 day, and how the boys came to help us and gave us a big welcome. And than the boys ran through with huge smiles, and some of them chanted, we love you! we love you! And as the coaches came by they had tears in their eyes.

And the boys won! 39-14, and are going to the playoffs. At the end of the game they came over to the area we were sitting in and saluted us with their helmets and sang the school song. The football players, their parents, and the coaches thanked us again after that. :) Im so happy they won and that we got to show our love back to them! I got a few pictures but they are all pretty blurry...but here they are:

http://s25.photobucket.com/albums/c56/Cajaya/Romeo%20Football%20Game/

After the football game we went to a local bar to hear some friends dj. We didn't stay to long, but I danced a bit and burned some more calories. No beer, just a redbull which probably wasn't the best choice but I was falling asleep! hehe

On Saturday we were going rock climbing for Grants birthday. I got up early enough that I could still fit in my last jog/walk for the week. I wasn't sure how I would feel on Sunday so wanted to make sure I got it in. This was the last day for week 2. I felt pretty strong through the entire thing, and at the end I did one full lap jogging around the track and didn't feel like I was going to keel over. And that was 3.5 minutes. I was pretty pleased with that :) We went rock climbing shortly after that. I didnt realize you had to learn so much with that! When we were in the training class, I was like am I going to remember all this? But I had no fear because my partner was apparently the teachers pet. Yes our Kristen was her example since she was doing everything perfectly. lol And Kristen tore those walls up! It was a great workout and I realized how weak my upper body is. But I made it to the top twice and was geeked about that. The first time I only got halfway up the wall and looked down and said, no Im coming down. But I overcame that and made it up to the very top. You really got an adrenaline rush getting to the top, like you conquered something huge. It was a blast. We ended up having 7 of us there, which was nice because people kept cancelling out on me. And two of our friends drove up from Indiana for the day, which I thought was really cool. We went and grabbed a bit to eat afterwards. Kristen recommend a yummie place, and I am pretty proud of my decisions there. Grant and I split a 5 beer 5 ounce each sampler, and than I got the Chicken Cherry Salad. I passed up the bread when it came, and fought off the urge to get the baked mac n cheese. Im a sucker for mac n cheese.

Heres the photo album of us rock climbing...we mostly got climbing pictures.

http://s25.photobucket.com/albums/c56/Cajaya/Grants%20Birthday%202008/

Today when I woke up I was pretty sore. Mostly my arms and abs. I decided to take the day off from a workout, and hung out with my sister all day. They just opened up this new outdoor mall near us, so we went and checked that out, window shopping. So I got a couple hours of walking in. We ended up grabbing dinner at Mongolian BBQ, where I stuck with chicken, veggies, and pineapples, and skipped the rice.

Im really happy with my weekend choices. I didnt think it would feel as good as it did! This morning I saw a drop on the scale. I need to lose 3lbs this week and 3 next to make my October goal. Im 1.5lbs away from this weeks goal. Hopefully I can meet this goal, so I am staying focused :)

P.S. I signed up for the 5K Turkey Trot today. In my couch to 5k Program Ill be at week 7 where I should be able to jog 2.5 miles. So even if I can do that and walk the last .6, Ill be happy with that. Im excited about it. And what better way to start off the holiday weekend :)

Sometimes People Come In Your Life

2007-10-19T10:31:00.000-04:00

"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. "

Greg is one of those people. I met Greg through the 3 day community. This past year I joined other 3 dayers in a fundraiser contract to work the Detroit Tiger games, and that is where I met Greg. He is a pit stop crew captain on the walk, and his team is named after his mom, Betty's Boobs. So their team picked up many many of the Tigers games to work. I ended up helping him out with some of his games, and he helped me out with some of my games. Our first communication was through email, and with that first initial contact I could feel the warmth, dedication, and love this man had. I knew he was someone meant to come into my life :)

Betty's Boobs ended up raising over $20,000 this year! They not only raised enough for their team of 8, but were able to help 15 other walkers meet their minimum so they could walk to. Betty is a 21 year survivor , and also a 4 year survivor. Its been 19 years since her first mastectomy, and 3 years since the second. Unfortunately, the cancer is back- this time metastasized in her lungs. She was able to come out this year to the walk and cheer on her family. But that was her last outing. She had a extremely fast decline in her health and is now in hospice.

Last night Greg and his team had a get together for all the people the helped out with his fundraising. It was at Snookers, a pool hall/bar. I couldnt wait to catch up with him and his family. I couldnt think of a better way to spend my night than with some of my 3 day family. Nothing like sharing stories, and getting to know each other on a more personal (outside of the 3 day level) over some food and drinks. (I did good with a small piece of sub and 2 beers) This mans heart is so big, as is the rest of his family. I truly admire all of them, and their amazing strength during this very difficult time.

Greg as well as many of the people Ive met through the 3 day have really helped me refocus on who I want to be, who Im becoming. From time to time, I lose track and go back to the way Melissa use to be. Ill admit the cattiness, drama, and the negativity sometimes can get the best of me. Its so easy to resort back to the way you use to be and get wrapped up in what I try so hard not to go back to. And I believe that is when people come into your life for a reason. Just when I start to notice..hey melis you dont want to go there...take a step back and look at whats going on...and one of my angels steps right in. And than I refocus. I remember what is important to me, and who I want to be. I feel so comfortable, inspired, alive...simply at home when Im around these people. It sometimes is hard to explain... but the love, the bond, the connection, the hope, the drive, the positivity. I consider myself lucky that these people have come into my life, and am so happy to call these people my friends. :)

Okay, I'll stop. As you can tell by now, the 3 day really has changed my life. And I couldnt be more thankful for it. Sorry Im always going on and on about it :p

Now one last story that Im super excited about. Tonight we get to pay it forward. On the 3 day, a local High School Football team came out and volunteered at camp. They put up our tents, carried our bags to our tents, walked around filling water, cheering us into camp, carrying our dinner plates to the dining tent, etc. Well another amazing woman I met on the 3 day, Jen, contacted the boys coach, and found out when their last game of the season is. Which is tonight. The athletic director worked with her and we are going to surprise the football team. We are going to arrive right when they go back into the locker room before the game so they cant see us, and than line up behind the banner that the boys will run through. They have no idea, so when they come running through the banner we will be lined up on both sides cheering them in like they cheered us in. We all our wearing our victory shirts, and bringing noise makers and just making it a big cheering section :) I cant wait!

Life is good. :)

From The Outside Looking In

2007-10-17T21:20:00.000-04:00

Don't you ever feel like that? I have been lately. I really have been stressing myself out with to do lists. I have so much stuff that Im trying to do at night that I get way to overwhelmed and dont finish any of the tasks. I end up watching tivo or getting on the Internet and than once again...another night wasted. I always have good intentions but they never follow through. I sometimes even visualize how great Ill feel getting things done, but nope. (yes I know Im strange) I wish I was that motivated person who finishes her to do list. No wonder I always worked two jobs...when I have to much time on my hands Im not good at making my time efficient!

I know lately Ive had a lot of personal things on my mind, so that definitely ads to the stress levels I have. Im trying to get people together for Grants birthday this weekend, and it looks like its completely going to bomb. And I had the worse appointment ever with my endocrinologist last week, and she is not helping me one bit. Im finding out all the endocrinologist in the area are just like her, medicating per labs and not caring one bit how I actually feel on the meds. Than of course this whole financial issue, and how I cant find a second job if my life dependent on it. And work is a bit stressful....I was given new accounts and no one can help me with them so I feel like Im incompetent at work....and the list goes on and on. lol So yeah I guess you can say Im a little overwhelmed with my thoughts right now.

Anyhoo...this mornings weigh in was ok. I gained 3lbs from the weekend splurges, and I got back to where I started today. So no gain or loss for weigh in day. Which is fine. But Im 6 pounds away from my October goal. Can I make it? Im hoping so. I really need to focus for these last two weeks, and make that 6 pound goal. I lost 3lbs the first week so I know its attainable. Everyone has been doing great with their October goal, I want to be a successful October goal meeter as well!

Now with that being said, what the hell was I thinking today? I ate pretty bad. And each time I put something in my mouth I had that whole looking from the outside in thing again. I could see myself come out of my body, shake my finger at me, and say..yeah thats going help you lose those pounds. First for breakfast I had my oatmeal but when I went to make it I noticed a whole in the bag. So I threw it away. So what do I do? Go down to the cafeteria and get me a bagel with cream cheese. At lunch I go downstairs and think, salad bar, salad bar. But than walk into the grill line and get a turkey burger. I say no bun or cheese and get fries. Not just fries but dipped my fries in mayo. Yeah like the no bun and cheese justified it. Around 3pm I could barely keep my eyes open...I wonder why. I was definitely thinking nap time when I got home.

But as soon as I got home I said get your booty to the track! So I did complete my walk/jog for the day. And boy was it tough. While I think my breathing is getting better, I was pooped halfway through. I know its from the bad fuel I gave my body. Im wondering how Im going to conquer the 3 minutes of jogging next week but Ill worry about that when it gets here. The sunny weather was refreshing though. I think the jog helped clear my head a bit. That was until a few hours later. :(

So to try and focus better I started a to do list and broke tasks down for each night, instead of one long to do list for the week. Since that obviously is just stressing me out. I had only two more things to complete tonight. I thought maybe Ill finish this night off successful. Well tonight was laundry night. Normally Grant and I rotate. We are waiting on his dad to get his truck back so we can go get the washer and dryer he has at his house for us. Our washer broke way back in July! Looks like maybe next week will work for us to get it, I got my fingers crossed. Anyways, there was 8 loads of laundry! So I offered to go with Grant. I figured that would be some good downtime to get some thank you cards finished. (since Ive been working on those for a few weeks now and they are on my to do list) So after we put the wash in, Grants like are you hungry. Of course I am and I previously planned on just having oatmeal for dinner since I racked up the calories throughout the day. Well right next to the laundry mat is Little Ceasers. So we end up getting a hot and ready pizza. Not only did I eat 2 pieces, but 2 pieces of crazy bread to. oy! Again who is this girl, and can I have the motivated, eye on the prize Melissa back? Every week I do this right after weigh in. Its like oh I can do this just today. I have a whole week ahead of me. Its something I need to break. I need to plan out that day better, its the only way to make it successful. And as some of you probably feel this way to, but when you make those decisions you get so down on yourself. Your like damn I can be such an idiot sometimes. Im sure the day could of gone worse...and tomorrow will be better. And today is a good day compared to what I was eating a few months ago. So whats done is done. Time to take control and stop looking from the outside in. Its not rocket science at this point right?

P.S. Thank you everyone for your comments yesterday. It was really nice. Lately Ive been feeling great about my body, and even wore shorts out in public today (something I NEVER do). I can only imagine what the next 20 will feel like. Thank you for your endless support FAT, I couldnt do it without you!

Milestones

2007-10-15T19:19:00.000-04:00

My weekend wasn't top notch in regards to eating but I enjoyed myself for the special occasion. And the the scale sure did remind me that I may have enjoyed myself a little to much! It was Grant and my anniversary on Sunday, so we made a whole weekend out of it . While I thought I was doing good on my portion sizes, I may have overindulge a little to much. On Friday night we had Olive Garden. I did the chicken parm, but filled up on salad before hand. So only ate 3/4 of one of two chicken, and got wheat pasta. We had dinner at PFChangs on Saturday night. I absolutely LOVE that restaurant. I swear the food there is orgasmic. We did the chicken lettuce wraps, and I got Mongolian beef and Grant got the NY Steak. And we got chicken fried rice instead of when I should have gotten brown rice. I wont even guess how many calories the Key Lime Martinis had. Yum! And we had quite a few :) Than on Sunday we hit up the cider mill. I had 2 plain and one sugar along with two of their small cups of cider. I thought to myself....your really going to derail your progress, but its the cider mill....and its once a year so I enjoyed the donuts. I wonder if I was using the excuse, " our anniversary" a little to much. So whats its our anniversary...why should that mean I eat differently than any other time. Maybe enjoy a desert, but this also would of been a good time to practice more self control. That whole transitioning thing I was talking about in my last entry. Geez do I jinx myself or what? I still did better than what I would have a year ago. I did get out and walk on Saturday, and jog on Sunday, so was happy I stuck to that. But in the end whats done is done. This is a new week. And I'm not going to let a few splurges throw me off track. I have a October goal to make!

On personal note about our anniversary....this was probably the best one we have had yet. Well last year was hard to top since we were at the game where the Tigers beat the A's and won the ALCS. But with my history of my drinking abuse problem, I have made some very very messy anniversaries. Ruined tons of plans that Grant spent god only knows how long planning. I'm so thankful that he has stuck it out with me through some very very ugly times. Grant recently told me how proud he was of me this last year, for taking on so many things to improve my life and our life together. He said hes happy to finally see me taking care of my body in a healthy way. No more eating or drinking to feed my emotions. That meant a lot to me. I see many more happy anniversaries ahead for us :)

So I hit up the track today for week 2 of the couch to 5K program. 90 seconds jog, 2 minutes walk, and rotated for 30 minutes. Phew! You wouldn't think just adding 30 more seconds of jogging would feel like that much but it did. But halfway through I started to feel the pain ease up. And the people were once again out on the soccer fields, but I didn't care this time. I guess its gets easier to not be embarrassed the more I get out there eh?

I was looking for a before picture of me. Which has been very hard. I always ducked out of pictures, or had a coat on to hid myself, or hid behind people. Or I was really drunk in a lot of them and didn't want to post one of those pictures. On Saturday I felt like I was looking pretty good after my workout and took some halfway there pictures. I really enjoyed the butt picture I told Grant to take...is that inappropriate to post? Im thinking it is. lol

My goal was to lose 40 pounds, and I'm just past 20. It feels great. Although when I look at these pictures I dont look that much different to me (maybe I cant get that fat girl out of my head)....but here they are:

And heres one from the side, although I did step my leg out (I know Im cheating) hehe

Marcol has helped me out and referred some online references to me to implement more body weight circuits. So Ive been checking that out and excited to start that this week to. Time to ditch the dvd's and its time to push myself in strength training. Im ready to be buff :)

Transition, am I really doing that finally?

2007-10-13T13:28:00.000-04:00

I started off my morning with a 8 mile walk with my walking partner, Jennifer (from the 3 day). This is the first time we've seen each other since the 3 day so we had tons to chat about, including our plans for the 3 day in 2008. Looks like we are walking Michigan for sure, and Boston is looking like the second candidate. We both really really want to walk in D.C., but that would mean no walking in Michigan. And I simply will be so sad if I don't walk in Michigan. And fundraising talk of course. Good times. Good Times. It was sooo chilly out, 38 degrees when we started. But it warmed up, I ended up ditching a layer ;)

Tomorrow I will finish off my week with another walk/run. I did that on Tuesday night and it was quite the challenge again. I think I need to just get over myself. Here's what happened. Day 2 completed, and it was a challenging day so I'm proud I stuck it out!

My thyroid has really been exhausting me lately. So I came home and took a nap. I asked Grant to wake me up when he got home around 6, and planned on going to jog. I know the sun sets around 7 now, so I had to make sure I wasn't putzing around or going back to sleep. Sure enough it took a few times to get me out of the bed, (damn thyroid), but I said you have to go workout lady! You will feel better.

So I layered up and headed out to the track. When I got there which was later than Tuesday, the track is flooded with those hot football guys again. Oh no. They are sprinting up and down the track to. I was like oh no. I am not going on there! Luckily the track is by our community center and they have a 1.25 mile bike path around it. So I figure what the heck, Ill just go around that. As I'm finding a parking spot Im noticing some of the soccer fields are filled up, with just people messing around. Not games or anything. I said Melissa they do not care about you. lol Get over yourself!

So I park the car, even though I almost drove it out of the parking lot and called it a day. I get out of the car and its freezing out. I said to myself, you better get going so you can warm up! So off I went.

5 minute warm up walk
60 seconds jog
90 seconds walk
Repeat for 30 minutes
5 minute cool down

That equaled 2 times around the path - 2.5 miles

At one point though, I passed the roller hockey rink (i know this place has everything eh?) and the guys were getting ready to leave so they were all lined up by the bike path, and staring at me. Or so I thought. (I'm sure its all in my head.) So I pushed a 2.5 minute jog, but followed a 3 minute walk after it. lol As soon as I got around the corner where they couldn't see me I walked and was like PHEW!

I'm silly ain't I?

It turns out that those football players is a mens team that plays flag football. When I got around the path once, I saw all the lights around the track light up for their game. I'm glad I didn't decided to go jog on there, talk about being on the spotlight! teee hee

Another small victory, Grant wanted Arbys and before I left I thought...hmmm that sounds good I haven't had that in awhile. I know, I know. I bow my head at that thought to! But once I got driving there I was like no way. If I want to make my October weight loss goal I can not eat Arbys. And I had an awesome workout, why waste it? So I stopped at Boston Market and got some turkey and beans, and still got grant his arbys. Go Me!

Its feel great to be making such positive moves. Daily I see myself making decisions I never thought Id make. Its like my head is starting to clear from the cloudiness and Im seeing the transition of what I need to do day to day, that transition to a healthy lifestyle. Im definitely having more good days than bad, and that feels great :) I know Ill have my bad days, but than I just have to reflect on the good ones, and blog of course ;)

Peekaboo

2007-10-11T13:27:00.000-04:00

Here I am. I know Ive been such a bad F.A.T. member lately! Please forgive me? Pretty please? Ill do 50 push-ups...does that make us even? :)

I don't have any excuses for not blogging either. No binging, not perfection to eating, but no binging. A little friend drama has been happening, but I think Ive finally been able to put that behind me. I did spend quite a bit of time blogging my 3 day experience. Phew was that long. But well worth the read. So if you are curious you can check it out, I broke posts down per day. :) Enjoy!

http://www.cajaya.com/category/breast-cancer-3-day-2007/

Anyhoo, so I hope you guys are doing good. Im going to catch up on your blogs tonight. Work is insane. I recently received more accounts at work, and they have provided me quite a challenge. So Ive been so busy lately. Makes the time go faster so thats always nice :)

Since my last post was exactly a week ago let me see what Ive been up to. I have kept my workouts going, not as many as I probably should be doing but some. I also have been keeping up with the strength training. And I started my walk/jog program this week. Tonight I shall accomplish day 2. Let me share with you about day 1. I head up to the track and am all pumped. I have that positive thinking going on, YAY Im going to be a runner one day, well maybe a jogger but runner in my eyes. Anyhoo so I start off and there is one other guy on the track. Hes doing laps, walking, and stopping to do chin ups every so often. My routine is going good, I thought 60 seconds would be super easy but it was a little hard. I was like phew, this is going to be a challenge. I even got pains on my side which I assumed were from some breathing technique I lacked. So these guys start to walk over to the track. Very fit cute guys. Yeah, it was a football team. They were having some sort of scrimmage on the field in the middle of the track. Lovely. I continued on looking straight ahead. 60 jog, 90 walk, 60 jog, 90 walk. Than this man shows up with his two daughters, they were probably 10 and 11 years old. They said, "How far today Daddy?". He says, only 2.5 miles. So they start off, passing me several times. I giggle inside and think...well Melis, we all have to start somewhere right? I will admit I was very happy when I was done though! lol

This is the couch to 5K program - and its 9 weeks long. So that takes me right to the beginning of December. I thought maybe Ill want to sign up for a 5K, but not sure. I wonder if Im going to wuss out (running outside) when the temps drop low. I hope not. A turkey trot would probably be to soon, but Im sure theres some jingle 5k's I can find for December. Ill have to think about that one.

I did have a nice weigh in yesterday - 3lbs down. :) I was very pleased with that. Im 3 pounds away from 25 pounds lost. I started my weight loss journey this time last year. Crazy it took me a year to get 25lbs off. Sadly, March - August I gained and lost the same 10-15 pounds more than Id like to count. See where yo-yo-ing can get you? lol I dont plan on ever letting those pounds come back. When I hit 25, I think Ill take some progress pictures and post them :)

Step It Up

2007-10-04T18:36:00.001-04:00

Yes it is time to Step It Up! Seriously. This week Ive been in some sort of limbo stage. Trying to figure out what Im doing, where Im going, what I want. I mentioned before about the 3 day blues. I definitely have that. Its like I built up so much to it and BAM! its over. Not to mention the emotional attachment I have to it.

So while dealing with that, Ive been half-assing it this week. For sure. Monday I took the day off considering I did walk 60 miles over the weekend. When I saw the scale dropped I got way to excited and sort of gave myself leeway, which resulted to my eating on Tuesday was not the greatest. I finished off this lovely day by being a couch potato and sat around the house watching tivo all night. Nice. That will really get me trim and fit eh?

I knew I had to stop. So on Wednesday I ate a little better, and when I got home pumped up the tires on my bike and decided to take it for a ride. Remember my bike tire fiasco a little while back? Well I got my dads air compressor and the tires blew up in no time. I rode the route I use to walk for my 6 mile walks. I managed about 40 minutes. Wow my butt hurt so bad when I was done. I enjoyed the bike ride so may invest in some better shorts or pants so I dont feel like I need to sit on a donut afterwards. lol

On Thursday I was suppose to head over to my sisters at 7 for a Lia Sophia party. So I made sure I didnt putz around after work. Came home and did my normal strength training routine. Its been probably 10 days or so since my last one, and oh boy am I feeling it today. I was not feeling the workout at all. And wanted to quit halfway through. Especially when I got to the ab work. I thought I am really wimping out here and FAT would be so disappointed. So I finished and felt good about it afterwards.

As I read other blogs (and sorry I havent commented on a lot, Im still trying to catch up!), I came across Brians and it struck a cord with me. He is doing great! And I thought damn I really need to step my game up. I joined FAT 68 days ago, and have only lost 7 pounds. Are you freaking kidding me? Melissa get real. (I sound like Dr. Phil there. lol ) The only person Im kidding is myself! I need to re-evaluate my commitment, because I can do better than 7 pounds. I know I have a smaller goal than some on here, but seriously 2 pounds a week is still 8 pounds a month. I should be down at least 15 pounds by now!

With that being said, I am finding it quite hard to "push" myself to that level I want to be able to see results. Without a gym membership I feel constricted in a way. I know thats all in my head and I can find the same results with a gym that I can without. So next week Im venturing into the walk/jog program. There I said. Now I have to do it. I know that when I tried this before I was happy with the results. Its just getting over the whole walk/jog outside and people looking at me like what the heck is she doing? A wannabe runner. I know its all in my head. Marcol gave me a good tip, to get a watch that I can set every minute, or 2 minutes, so I know when to switch from walk to run. That sounds much better than music alternate just because its safer in my hood to not listen to music.

And while that steps up my cardio soon I will need to step up my strength training. If anyone wants to suggest some strength training routines - that works without a gym Im all ears for that to. Ive just been doing some videos that combine cardio with 5lb weights. And it has the abs, legs, arms, etc.

And as far as stepping it up long term - I have decided 2008 will be the year I walk two Breast Cancer 3 Days. I wanted to do D.C. as well as Michigan but they are right next to each other in regards to dates. Jim and Rob, they just released the dates and registration! Rob make sure you get the code to get $35 off before November 15th :) So after the dates were released and I thought about financially doing two events....I thought I was getting ahead of myself. But no, two walks. I can do it. And I want to do it. I already am planning fundraisers in order, and feel like this is my next step in the 3 day community. So Chicago, Boston, or maybe Philly are in the running. There I said that to. Hold me to it ;)

So you heard it first. Melissa is stepping it up. Watch out come Christmas - Melissa is going to be fab.

5.9 Million - Mission Accomplished

2007-10-02T14:22:00.000-04:00

Michigan raised 5.9 million dollars! The walk was amazing. Ill give you the short summary - Im going to post a long weekend report in my personal blog and Ill link it if anyone is interested in hearing my stories :)

Friday Morning was a little chilly, but it warmed up nicely within a few hours. It was a little hectic getting into opening ceremonies due to the small entrance. But their was police directing traffic, and considering the volume it was handled pretty good. My parents drove me and stayed for opening ceremonies. It was a beautiful ceremony. This year they had these flags that said: Belief, Healing, Commitment, Hope, Optimism, Love, Patience and Courage. These flags were passed along to walkers through the whole weekend and walked 60 miles as well :) This day was very very hilly, well compared to where I live. So 8 hours of hills didnt agree with my knees to much. 3/4 of the way through I put some biofreeze on them and made it to camp. Popped some Motrin, and in the morning they felt better. This day was 18.8 miles. But with all the walking at camp, it ended up being 22 miles. (my friend wore her gps watch all weekend) .

Camping wasnt to bad - I had a hard time sleeping the first night but didnt expect to sleep like a baby anyways.

On Day 2 I woke up feeling pretty good. This day we were walking 20.1 miles. There were less hills and I was thankful! It warmed up quickly and turned out to be a beautiful day. We had tons of cheerers out today, especially through the city, Plymouth. They were awesome. I also got to see my friend Dawn at the cheering station, she is one of the woman I walk for. Shes battling her third time with breast cancer. When we got to camp I felt like we took a stroll. No pain anywhere. I did feel a little lightheaded due to lack of salt, so drank up some Gatorade and ate dinner and felt better. I slept much better this night. I was on the lookout for Jim on this day to. My walking partner, Jen, and I asked everyone guy if they were Jim. lol Still no sign of him.

On Day 3 as we were packing up our tents, wouldn't you know a guy walks by and it looks like Jim. And it was! YAY! I found him. We chatted for a bit and thought we might catch up at the end. Rob was going to come down to the cheering station, but Jim's pace was ahead of mine so I thought I might miss Rob. And I did :( Boohoo! This day was a breeze. We did take longer breaks at each pit stop so we didnt get done to early. And finished right around 3:30. As we came in, there was Jim! Jen snapped a pic of us (see above). You know you like my bunny ears :) So we had just enough time for some more pics, pee, and hydrate and we were off to closing ceremonies. What an emotional closing ceremonies! We lined up in rows of 8, Jim found me so we got to walk in together, which I was hoping we could do :) And we also walked in with a Cleveland walker we met along the route. Clevelands 3 day was about a month ago and their closing ceremonies got rained out, so they were invited to join us :) We walked a silent mile to closing ceremonies to honor all those that we have lost to breast cancer. As we got close to the crowd and we passed the crew and medical they were down on one knee. The crew, medical, and safety really amaze me. They are really awesome. I could feel the tears coming. And than I saw Grant blowing kisses at me, and my parents waving and I lost it. Tears poured down my face. I grabbed jenn and just put my arm around her. WE MADE IT! We piled into an outer circle. Than Crew, Medical, and Safety came in and were part of the inner circle. And last the survivors came in in front of them. We all got down on one knee and took off one shoe to honor the survivors and those that we've lost. After another emotional speech...the 3 day was over. :( One of thee best closing ceremonies Ive been a part of ever. 5.9 million. Awesome.

Some highlights of the weekend:

This awesome Cleveland cheerer that made a big sign that said: WOOHOO! And he yelled it all day emphasizing the word woohooo!
The Superior Paramedics! These guys had a trailer attached to the ambulance and had huge speakers and drove along the route while dancing and sang the whole weekend!
The Romeo High School Football Team: These guys put up our tents, carried our dinner plates to the table, took pictures for us, carried our bags to our tents, and were not physically there but emotionally connect to us. These boys were amazing!
The camp entertainment - some of the best karaoke Ive ever heard! And quite a dance party. Those paramedics were on top of the tables throwing their shirts off! lol
The people cheering us along the route! All of them meant so much!
The 19 year old boy that self delayed his donations by $1400 to do the walk for his friends mother who is a survivor. He shaved his head for donations at camp. A true inspiration.

Okay Im getting long...Ill put an end for now :) I signed up for 08 - Michigan here I come again! Hopefully with Jim and Rob :) Jim...it was great to finally meet you. Im glad we got to share this awesome experience together. You rock!

Here is my pictures if you want to check them out. They are broke down by days, but arent in order. Sorry!

http://s25.photobucket.com/albums/c56/Cajaya/Breast%20Cancer%203%20Day%202007/

P.S. I met my September goal today - 2 days late but hey I didnt gain any weight on the 3 day. As a matter of fact I lost a pound while on it. go me!

Breast Cancer 3 Day Is Here!

2007-09-27T21:40:00.000-04:00

Yay! Its finally here! I cant explain how giddy and excited Ive been all day. The work day was soooo long! I know tommorrow when I hit opening ceremonies I'm probably going to be overwhelmed with emotions. Since I had to sit out last year due to medical problems, its really made this year so much more special. I feel so lucky to be part of the 3 day community, and able to do my part in the fight against Breast Cancer. A weekend of hope. A weekend surrounded by kindness. A weekend where we are making a difference. A weekend that changes lives :) At least it did mine 4 years ago. :)

Ive finally got my packing done. I had to switch to a duffel bag vs a bag on wheels. It was quite the task cramming all that stuff in one bag, but I got it done. I hope my sleeping bag is thick enough. I opted for a lighter one and put a fleece blanket in it. I did pack tons of body warmers to though.

Ill be heading down to Opening ceremonies with my parents around 6am. I have awesome support from my parents through the whole weekend. I even design them shirts to wear. Although I had quite the mishap with my shirt order this year. I waited to long to order them and today it arrived, except the shirts were someone elses order! But I called and they are overnighting the right shirts so should arrive here in the AM. I was pretty bummed when I first opened the package!

I was pleasantly surprised to see the number on the scale this morning. 1 pound away from my September goal. Im going to weigh again in the morning and may use that as my ending weight for the challenge. I know from previous 3 days, that the food we eat will cause me to be a little bloated at the end of the weekend. All the salt. Even though you burn so much of that off, it still may take a few days next week to get my body back to normal. This event can be a womans dream: eat, drink, walk, pee. Repeat. lol My body needs all the food offered so no counting calories this weekend for me :) I thought in previous years that oh I wont be hungry, Ill limit my food. But with all the energy your burning...your body says, FEED ME! :)

Well I better get to bed. Ill take tons of pictures to share. Hey maybe we will get one of Rob, Jim, and I :) Have a great weekend F.A.T.!

Healthy Lifestyle Change

2007-09-26T14:56:00.000-04:00

After receiving some very nice comments on my blog yesterday (thank you fat members) it got me a thinking. I know what your thinking. Oh boy, Melis is thinking, watch the sparks fly. :) I was thinking of all the different aspects of my lifestyle, and how they all play into each other. They all are connected in one way or another. This overhaul change into a healthy lifestyle will eventually enter into all the areas of my life. And than my friends, I will be one amazing woman ;)

Seriously though, it truly amazes me how one area of my life can be having such a hard time, and subconsciously (or maybe consciously) I let it affect all the other areas of my life. Its like a domino affect. Say I eat like crap, and that makes me feel like crap, physically and mentally. So than I may not workout. Or I may even eat more because Im an emotional eater. Before you know I feel worse as a whole than I did in beginning of this vicious cycle.

This is a prime example of what Ive been struggling all week with. (and this is continuing from my blog yesterday, so bare with me) I drank to much, which caused my mood to react a certain way. I knew that I may end up feeling a certain way when I drank, but I just did what I usually do in those situations. Its like so routine you almost dont realize your doing it until your done, or realize when its to late. Just from that one situation, it affected how I thought and felt for a few days, and caused my negative reactions.

So where did I go wrong? I lacked control. I ultimately am in control of my life. I could of stopped this cycle at any point. Even after what was done was done. I could have did things to make my mood change. Do things that make me happy. Instead I gave in and lost the control. I let my feelings dictate my actions. I have to be more conscious of what is going on, especially in those situations. I know what will happen if I do A, B & C. So just like eating healthy I need to have a plan. A plan going into those situations. A plan to escape if I need to. Its not weak. Its smart. I wouldnt go into a food fest situation without a plan, so why should this be any different. And even when Im in the situation I need to stop and think about every action I do. How will this make me feel? How do I feel at this point? How will this affect people around me? Grant and I use to be really good about checking in with our feelings in situation like this, but we both really dropped the ball this time.

I know I probably sound like some crazy chick. You may be thinking, what is the big deal? Just dont do it. Especially since you know the consequences. Easier said than done, especially since I have quite the addictive behavior. This has been an ongoing problem of mine for about 6 years. I am a binge drinker. And ironically, I dont want to give up drinking. I enjoy beer. I have learned in the last year that I can drink and not abuse. But it takes a lot of work. And this past weekend simply got away from me. And now I remember why I need a plan, and why planning works for me.

Back to the healthy lifestyle. As you can see my pattern is abuse/binge drinking, abuse/binge food, etc. So all parts of my lifestyle play into each other. Lucky for you I only went into two parts of it. Given the amount of blogs you read, I cut you some slack ;) But the more better I get at controlling one thing, it can only lead into another. Each time I can get stronger, and attack these downfalls head on. The same techniques I use in one area, is what will help me use in another. I can not wait till the day that I can say, I Live Healthy. I Live Happy. I Live Smart. I Live Well. Joining this group has been quite therapeutic. And I feel privileged to be around such strong, amazing people. Thank you F.A.T. :)

P.S. Please forgive me for being overemotional - the 3 day does that to me. Less 39 Hours! :)

And Thats A Wrap

2007-09-25T10:05:00.000-04:00

Last night Grant and I went to our last Tigers game of the season. This was the first year we bought season tickets, and while it was a trying year for the Tigers, I loved every minute of those games :) Unfortunately, my boys are going through a slump at the wrong time for them. But they will come back strong next season. I know they will ;)

And now I also need to wrap up this lack of self control! Its one thing to enjoy an out of town weekend, but its another to bring the behavior home with me! I was out of control at the game last night. I was like what can I eat next after everything I ate. I kept up with Grant if that tells you anything of how much I ate.

I really think the drinking this past weekend brought on a spurt of depression. I know this happens when Ive havent drank a lot in awhile. I didnt drink that much to the point where it was binge like, and I drank over a long time span. But its been probably 2 months since the last time I drank more than 2 drinks in one sitting. Ive been so absorbed in my training and fundraising lately. So this feeling of depression isnt anything new to me. Why do I do it than? Good question, when I figure that out Ill let you know. Unfortunately, 3 years of therapy hasnt helped yet. Again, I need to be in control of how Im feeling, why Im feeling this way, why Im doing what Im doing to feel that way, and how Im going to react. Last night I reacted the way Melissa always does. Food makes me feel better, but in long run it actually makes me feel worse. Emotional eating is such a demon.

So again, today is a new day. Time to take control. Be aware of what Im putting in my mouth, and get in a good workout that will uplift my mood. Im suppose to meet Jennifer for a walk after work and think Ill try to workout to my dvd when I get home. I still have errands to run to get ready for my walk this weekend so time is really sparse this week. I am looking so forward to Friday though. Only 2.5 work days left at this point :)

I promise more uplifting blogs to come in the future.

Heres a picture from this weekend :)

Self Control Can Be Such A Battle

2007-09-24T09:14:00.000-04:00

Well the weekend started off good...but quickly went sour. I have some issues with self control, in many areas. Its hard when your out of town and every meal is at a restaurant. It can be a little overwhelming trying to figure out what is a good meal and what is not. But it something I need to learn to do. And I guess the more practice the better I can only get.

First my victories. Saturday morning I did awesome at Breakfast. I ordered egg beaters w/ peppers, onions, and tomatoes. 2 pancakes came with it, and with sugar free syrup. I ate one. Finding sidewalks did end up being a challenge since the hotel was on a major highway, so I opted out of walking. Instead I hit the exercise room at the hotel. I forgot how great it feels to work out on machines. I sweated my booty off on that thing! It felt great. I really felt like during the workout I pushed myself. Especially since after the first interval I thought...with this resistance, maybe this is to hard? But worked it out :)

The wedding at Mexican food, and it was buffet style so I could control what I put on my plate. I think I did fairly good with my choices. Balanced my plate out pretty good. I had 3 lite beers (smaller than 12 ounces to) while there as well which was a 5 hour span - and drank water the rest of the day. So if I stopped while I was ahead the day/night could of been good.

Now heres the loses. After the wedding we headed to the bride and grooms for a little after reception party. I avoided munching on chips, but did manage to drink more. And this wasnt lite beer. We were there pretty late so on the way back to the hotel we stopped and grabbed something to eat. Drunk Melissa and eating at 3am...yeah not a pretty site. On Sunday we headed home early afternoon and stopped and got Wendys on the way home. I did get one of the sandwiches rather than a burger - but I think I just kinda gave up at that point. The rest of the night was unsuccessful food wise. I planned on walking when I got home on Sunday but was tired, and moody - which Im sure played into why I was eating the way I was. And I think I felt crappy that I knew I was blowing my successful week, so threw in the towel so to speak.

I crashed early last night, and definitely was looking forward to waking up to a new day. Whats done is done, and today is a new day. Im sure after a few detox days, the number on the scale may start moving again. But not going to focus to hard on it this week since the weekend will bring lots of salt into my body and I will probably see a gain. Its really hard not letting that number on the scale really determine how my mood will be.

I have to remember though, I get what I earn. And that is exactly what happened this weekend. While the whole weekend wasnt blown away - I could have done better. I coached myself early in the weekend so I would do better, but still didnt follow through. Self Control...something I need to work on.

Road Trip

2007-09-21T22:47:00.001-04:00

Today Grant and I took off for a weekend road trip. Just 3 hours away. We are in Indiana for a wedding. And whats has been Melissa's mentality for years when anywhere except home? Eat whatever I want because Im on vacation! Not this time though. This time I plan on staying on track.

I saw a new low on the scale this morning, and Ive finally reached the weight I was right after my surgery. I had surgery this past Feb and went back to work in April and was at an ultimate low. Unfortuantely I gained back 15 pounds between April and June. So it feels good to be back to that lower weight. No more yo-yoing for me. I seem to make that same mistake, with 10-20 pounds over and over and over. No more! This time its gone for good!

Ive scoped out the area for walking in the AM. The wedding isnt until 2 so I have plenty of walking time aloud. Problem is no sidewalks. Go figure. We are right on a busy intersection to. Im going to see if I can maybe look up some side street areas on mapmyrun.com. If it comes down to it, than they have a 24 hour exercise room so I will head down there and at least get some workout in. I really would like to get some walking in though since its the last weekend before my walk. Ill plan on walking when I get home on Sunday, but still would like to get some miles on tommorrow to.

I may check back in tommorrow - if not defintely Sunday. Enjoy your weekend :)

P.S. Yes Grant and I are computer geeks and take a laptop when we go out of town. Hey its free wifi! lol

Ramblings

2007-09-19T22:01:00.001-04:00

This week is going by soooo slow! I knew the last two weeks before my walk would drag. The days drag by, but when the nights hit, I have so much to do and they FLY by. I did end up giving in to an bad urge today, and ate Taco Bell. While eating I regretted every bite..and it wasn't even that good. But for some reason I kept piling the food in my mouth. Even while ordering I thought....you know your going to feel craptastic later....why are you doing this. But I quickly shut that voice up. I know I was just giving into convenience which is a lame excuse because lots of healthy options could be convenient as well. Its probably been a good two months since my last fast food meal. I use to eat it daily :( Whats done is done. Time to move on.

I had my interview yesterday, and I think it went good. The woman seemed to take a liking to me. She also said she looks forward to calling me later in the week, and asked if starting next week was a problem. That has to be promising right? She has to check my references first. The job looks pretty laid back, well compared to my previous part time jobs. Its a counseling office, and all the therapists are contracted in so they handle their schedules. We are mainly just a support staff to them. So basic office tasks. I think it will be the perfect part time job for me. Keeping my fingers crossed!

So with that part time job looking like a possibility, I have already started hashing out some schedules. Where to fit in workouts, healthy dinners, etc. Its a little overwhelming, but I can do this. I do handle things better when Im super busy. Well sort of, my eating and exercising sometimes wasnt handled so great. But this time around it will be handled different. Im doing it right. And will succeed! I need to pick Rebecca's, and all of your brains on some stuff though. Im sure the first few weeks will be a lot of trial and error, finding out what works best for me. In a way, I think it will help me stay on track more. I wont have time to goof off!

I also started to look for races that I could enter. SoI have a goal in front of me. I saw that Hansons (local running store), has these group runs for all levels and thought that might be something Id like to do. But if I get this part time job that wont work. But I think maybe a 5K may be the event I need. Ill have to see what happens in the next week and see if Ill be able to put in the training. I may pick up that training program David posted on his blog. Id really like to do a triathlon in the future...but first Id have to learn how to swim :p Something about that event just feels hardcore to me.

Oh , and another thing....my first year during the 3 Day I made a shirt to wear. It had all the people I was walking in honor of. I debated back and forth if I was going to do it this year, and at the last minute decided what the heck. And the site I used in previous years has coolmax shirts! So Im definitely making one now. So if there is anyone, that any of you would like me to add to my shirt just shoot me their name. Id love to add them :-)

P.S. Thanks Rob and Kristen for the comments on my previous blog. Rob..I know woman really are crazy eh? lol I guess Im guilty of that! Just typing out that blog made me feel better. Its like I got it all out of my system and am ready to move on. Somtimes keeping that stuff bottled in makes you feel like your going to erupt like a volcano! It is what it is, and thats sad for her. But not for me! Ive been waiting all year for this event, nothing is going to bring me down. 8 days till the 3 day! I cant wait :)

Clarity

2007-09-19T08:28:00.000-04:00

Please forgive me, and bear with me on this personal entry. This has been bugging me and I need to get some more clarity, and who better than to get it from but you my wise F.A.T. friends :)

Ive talked about this with a few friends, and they all have told me Im to sensitive and take things to personal. Im the first to admit, one of my biggest downfalls is being oversensitive. Ive been working on it, and its been quite the daunting task. Part of me does think that maybe I am being "to sensitive", but than again any one that has walked in this event may feel the same way I do.

With that being said, the issue Im having is with a friend. If thats what you call her. I met this girl online a few years ago. We live about 15 minutes from each other so we have gotten together offline as well. We would met for dinner, or drinks every few months. Well she wanted to sign up for the 3 day, and of course I encouraged that. I think its an amazing experience and wish everyone could participate. And I thought it would be a great chance for us to get to know each other better, and sharing this experience with a friend or family member just ads a bonus to the whole thing. After we started training I found out this was a big mistake.

We have had our ups and downs together through fundraising and training. She never was to optimistic about anything, the training, fundraising, etc. All during our training, I gave her all the tips I could. Helped her out in areas I thought she needed. Being a veteran walker I had the advantage of already dealing with foot care, what type of clothing to wear, how to train, etc. Every advice I gave her she sort of downplayed it. Wrote it off, like sure that works for you, but Ill find some other way to work for me. Thats fine. I never understood why you wouldn't use the resources around you, but to each their own I suppose. Most recently she went to this workshop for the 3 day and met about 15 other walkers. They told her the exact same advice I gave her, and she is now coming back to me acting like this is breaking news. And Im like yeah I already told you that. So basically I asked her why she writes off what I suggests, and than jumps at the first thing these other woman say...she of course says, shed rather get lots of peoples opinions and form to what works best for her. Thats fine, but dont come back to me and say hey, these woman told me this great advice and now Im going to take it, when its the same thing I said many moons ago. Ok so this part I realize Im just being sensitive, and this part is petty.

So we got into this debate and she starting complaining about how much the 3 day is costing her. The clothes, shoes, gear, etc. And how shes frustrated that a charity event is costing her so much money. And than went on about how there are tons of downfalls to this event. The time commitment is more than she expected (although shes only training on the weekends and sometimes only 1 day on the weekend), the fundraising took up even more time (yes $2200 is a lot to raise), and of course the money shes spending to participate in the event on top of the time and money shes raised. She ended this with saying, but I signed up to do this...so Im going to do it. And apologizes that its not a 100% positive experience for her like it is for me.

So we obviously have very different views on this event. And I guess at this point my problem is that Im really torn. She has a right to her opinion, just like I do mine. But honestly I dont want to be around someone so pessimistic about an event that has changed my life. I look forward to this weekend every year. More so this year since I had to sit out due to health reasons last year. I want to be surrounded by nothing but positive. We are also tentmates. So we will be tenting together. So we will be around each other regardless. She has already said that she wont be able to walk with me all 3 days. Thats to much time around the same person. So I doubt we will be around each other the entire weekend.

There are 2 types of charitable people - those who do it to help others, and those who do it to help themelves. That feels so very true in this situation.

Im not sure what clarity I need. I guess how do I make the best of this situation. How do I just leave it at, well thats sad for her, and continue on doing my own thing. How do I not take it personal?

Thanks for reading this long blog. I just needed to get these thoughts typed out because they keep running through my head.

Life After the 3 Day

2007-09-17T12:50:00.001-04:00

This has been on my mind for the last few weeks. In previous years life after the 3 day isnt the greatest. First theres the sadness/depression of this incredible event being over. Second, I usually drop a few pounds while training for the 3 day, and than its over and BAM! I lose all control of balancing my eating and exercise, and the weight comes back and than some.

I spend so much of my year training for this event, and than when its over its like I get depressed, and just mope around and eat. (emotional eating rearing its ugly head) My exercise gets restricted in a way (I really think this is all mental)and I dont know if Im just burnt out from all the walking Ive done, or if I just dont care. But when you continue to eat like your training for a 60 mile walk, and stop almost all exercise..well the result isnt pretty.

Now previous years Ive mostly toned up vs losing weight. Id drop 5 pounds or so, but mostly I gained a lot of muscle. But this year I have lost more weight and have toned up quite nicely. Well imo. :) SO Id like to keep the trend going. Look at this as a jump start.

I do feel that this year wont be as drastic since I have F.A.T for one. And because Im at a point right now where Im aware of my food intake, and doing other exercise besides walking. But when I think about after my walk is over, I feel a little overwhelmed. Right now I feel obligated to be out there walking, and after this event is over Ill only be obligated to myself to get in cardio. That should be enough right? Sometimes I wonder if it is. If it was that simple, where did I go wrong previous years? I dont have a gym membership, and dont think we can work one into the budget at this point. So that will be another challenge in trying to get in my cardio. Especially with the winter approaching. Perhaps I should make a membership part of the budget. It is for my health. It is more of a need, than want, in regards to my health.

I finally have an interview for a second, part time job. Its tomorrow. And while Im hoping it works out for me, it will also put another stressor on continuing this healthy lifestyle. Its next in line of things that derail my progress. I usually pick up a second job, work way to many hours and miss workouts, and eat the dreaded fast food. This job is going to be 25-29 hours a week, and is a receptionist job for a counseling office. Maybe Im jumping ahead of myself since I havent even gone on the interview yet, but if I get the job Ill be tied up weeknights until 9pm. From what I understand I will have Friday and Sundays off. And my Saturdays I will work 9am - 3pm. So Saturday evenings will be my off night to. So I will have the challenge of trying to work in some form of exercise with that schedule.

When I think about all of this, its a little stressful. I wonder how Ill do it. Will I be able to do it? I read some of your blogs and some of you have busy lifestyles, and I am impressed with how well you balance things. Than I reflect onto my life and think....when things get busy or tough...I always bail on what is important. My health. I really want to become that healthy person I want to be. I really want to be able to balance everything. But how do I know if Im overdoing it. If Im taking on to much. If Im setting myself up to fail. Getting a second job is a necessity at this point in my life. At least for 4-6 months. So how do I make this work for Melissa?

Sorry if this blog is all over and hard to read...I feel like its scattered thoughts, just like my brain!

I always was a fan of turtles

2007-09-16T12:13:00.000-04:00

Slow and steady...that is my story on weight loss. And Ill take it! Down another 2.5 pounds this week. I think I need a new scale though. I weighed myself 7 times, and got 3 different weigh ins. I took the weigh in that was the same 4 times (and Ill note it wasnt the lowest ;) ). The first weigh in was WAY off. I was looking to see if I can reset, or rebalance it, but not an option. Maybe next month Ill go buy a new one, but probably not a good idea mid month.

Anyhoo, its nice to see the scale moving again. Especially after a frustrating month in August. Ive really been conscious of what I eat and think its definitely helping.

Yesterday was my last 18 miler before the 3 day and it was a great walk. The temperatures have dropped drastically here in Michigan, so it was pretty chilly. Ive been digging out my warmer clothes, but unfortunately they still don't fit. Boohoo. My first 3 day when I trained in the winter, I was at my lowest weight ever (which was a little to low if you ask me), so the clothes are itty bitty. So I may have to go hit up the stores today. My left knee was achey a bit yesterday from mile 12-18. Which is odd because my right knee is the bad one. I think the cold might have had something to do with it. A few hours after the walk it was feeling a-ok though. I was so proud of myself for not taking a nap after my long walk yesterday. Which started to be a routine, and than Id get all disappointed that I wasted my day! Instead, Grant and I hit the stores. We are going out of town next weekend for a wedding and we needed to find me a dress and him a tie and shirt. So many people out yesterday, and so many stores just rummaged through....it was like Christmas! We had no luck finding anything, but was nice to try on mediums vs larges though :)

We stopped at Olive Garden for dinner, and sad to admit it wasn't as successful as my Mexican night out. And I voiced my concern to Grant when I scanned the menu. He said well look at the little items marked for healthy options. I didn't really like any of them, so did end up getting not the smartest choice. Chicken Parm. But I did get wheat pasta. I filled up on salad, ate one bread stick (grant moved the bread over by him and thought I didn't notice but than I thanked him), and promptly put half of my meal in a carry out box. So I felt OK about my choice. Could have done better, but sometimes I will have to take the good with the bad as long as I don't overdo it with portion size.

This morning Bandito was ready to get up and cause chaos at 6am. Thankfully Grant got up and let me sleep in. I slept in till 11, that felt nice. So now I'm just eating a bit, and than going to head out for my walk. 8 or 10 miles, still debating that one. I may also do my DVD when I get back to since the walk is so much shorter today.

I'm feeling pretty darn good today :)

Mexican Food - No Problem

2007-09-14T12:32:00.000-04:00

So yes, thank you my fellow F.A.T. members, you helped me make what could of been a disastrous night, a successful one. I met my 3 day friends out for dinner, and carefully scanned the menu. Sure enough there was one plate hidden on the menu that was grilled chicken with veggies, and it came with white rice. So I ordered that but substituted my rice with beans. Ordered only water. And pushed the chips and salsa to the other side of the table. When my meal arrived I promptly asked for a carry out box and put half of it in there. And than when deserts were ordered, I said no thanks.

How did it feel? Freaking Fantastic. And I did hear you guys cheering in my head. And that felt freakin great to. :)

Funny how a few different choices can make you feel so good. I am in control you flab. So take that! :)

I did end up staying later than planned and chatting the night away, so didnt get my workout in since it was close to 10 when I got home. But I had my hilly 6 miler planned for the next day after work so knew that one night off wouldnt kill me. Especially since sometimes you need that mental health day with friends from time to time. I love these ladies, they really are some of the most amazing woman Ive ever met :)

So yesterday I got my 6 miles in and than it was laundry night, so was stuck there till 9:30. Bandito thought he was slick. When I got home and the nice clean bedding was put on the bed, bandio creeped up on the bed, gave me those puppy dog eyes and I said NO WAY BUDDY! Get out of here. And he jumped down, and I went to go do something...when I came back he was rubbing his face and body all over the bed. Yep, so much for keeping the bed clean. White hair galore. That little bugger. hehe

Tonight we are meeting my parents for dinner but nothing else planned. So think Ill hit up my dvd :) And I have an 18 miler planned for the AM. Last big walking weekend. I think Im probably the only insane person that is excited for the weekend to get here so I can walk 18 miles. lol Call me crazy :)

Challenge of the week - Good Friends Good Food

2007-09-12T10:57:00.000-04:00

So tonight I have a challenge. Im going out to eat with the woman I met on my first Breast Cancer 3 Day walk. There are about 15 of us that met that first year and go out to dinner every few months. We always go to the same restaurant. El Charros. This awesome Mexican restaurant. Usually I get all the cheese loaded foods that taste fabulous and is so not good for me. Tonight I want to make the healthy choice. So I need your help! What is "healthy" at a Mexican restaurant? First I know I should not indulge in the chips and salsa. I can eat a whole bowl to myself sometimes!

Im meeting my friends at 6:30, so I should still get home at a reasonable hour where I can squeeze in my dvd. My abs were sore from Monday nights dvd. Working out in just my sports bra and some shorts really pushes me through that ab work since Im thinking, nice to see you flab when I look at my stomach. lol

Last night I met Jennifer for our weekday 6 miler by our work. We went in the opposite direction this time and my legs are definitely feeling those hills today. I love that feeling. The weather was so sporadic last night to. First the sun was shining, than the wind picked up, than it poured rain for 10 minutes, and than we had the sun again. A little bit of everything :) The weather is worrying me a bit. I have a feeling we are in for a rude awakening on the 3 day. Hopefully Mother Nature will be nice to us :)

P.S. GOOOO Tigers! The last few games, well except yesterdays first game, have been awesome! My boys are back! I gave up my ticket to tonights game so Grant could take his dad. He gets to take him for a spin in the new wheels. GOOOO Tigers!

Monday Thoughts...

2007-09-10T16:51:00.000-04:00

I was trying to blog all day, but work has gotten insanely busy. I was given more accounts at work (I asked for them, I know Im crazy)so busy busy busy. It does make the days go by faster though :)

Anyhoo, my weekend was pretty good. Saturday I headed out for a 12 miler. We finished in about 3.75 hours. Pretty good pace. And just a walk around the park at this point ;) After my walk I had TONS of errands to run. We did decide to go out to Dally in the Alley after we ran errands. Grant and I both wanted to get out, but I wasn't to crazy about all the House music going on....but we went out anyways. We hung out at Dally for a couple hours, and the music sucked, imo. lol Detroit is bombarded with House music right now...and Im seriously so over it. One dj was horrible, you would have thought it was her first time spinning records. Kristen was there (looking hotter than ever), so it was nice to hang out with her :) She talked me into staying out, (I wasn't having that great of a time), and am glad she did. I got some much needed Kristen time :)

I didnt drink anything but water while we went out on Saturday night. I was determined to not derail my progress, and it was a smart choice because the scale was pretty nice to me Sunday morning. YAY! A good thing about changing my lifestyle right now also plays into my social scene. I have a alcohol abuse problem that I have been battling with, and trying to get under wraps for the last year. (well actually many years but really finally making changes this past year) And Im finally making progress and positive changes in that area. Dont get me wrong, I have my ups and downs through this issue, but Im finally letting Melissa , instead of Melissa's surroundings, take control. It feels great, and empowering. Im sure my body is quite happy with my choices to :)

Anyhoo, Sunday I went down and helped out another 3 Dayer by working a Tigers game. Rough game for my boys. But it was a beautiful day, I kept thinking how great it would have been to be walking. When I got home I was pretty whooped so ate dinner, watched the beginning of the VMA's and called it an early night.

Okay thats enough rambling for now. :)

The new addition to our family....

2007-09-08T07:24:00.000-04:00

So yesterday we went and picked our mini cooper. We have waited a long, 7 weeks for this baby! But he/she (we havent named her/him yet) made is safe from the U.K to Detroit :) I knew Id be excited, but not this excited. This car is sweet!

Okay Im a little more excited about this car than I thought. This car is so sweet! It rides so nice, the sound system is amazing, the comfort is top notch, and its so much more roomy than you think! Last night we took a 2 hour drive out by the water :) Here s our new baby :)

I am so proud of Grant. He really is someone I admire in regards to his career. He has never gone to college, self taught himself everything he knows. He use to be in autocad but was always getting laid off, so he decided to switch careers. He said, I dont need a degree to get to the top, I can do it on my own. So after many years of dedicating to teach himself to be the best he can be in web developing, hes there. Senior web developer at an awesome company, and just promoted to project manager. He got there, and without that degree that everyone told him he would absolutely need. Hes amazing. Or like I call him, pardon my french, a fucking genius. He so deserves this car :)

So I missed out on my workout yesterday. I had a really bad day emotionally. But the car ride and time together with Grant really helped bring my mood up. New day today. No time to dwell on the negative or the past. Im getting ready to meet Jennifer to walk 12 miles. And that small 6 miler the other day, in the hilly area....that kicked my butt! It felt awesome! I have a feeling the actual route on the 3 day is going to a little bit more of a workout than I planned :) Bonus! (funny how I thought simply walking 60 miles isnt a workout eh?)

Tick Tock Tick Tock...

2007-09-06T15:10:00.000-04:00

Doesn't it sometimes feel like you wonder where the time goes? Its been like that for me this week! I have been trying to blog for the last couple days, but when I was on the Internet I was researching stuff on thyroid. Im really concerned, or more like, frustrated with my thyroid disease. I couldn't get out of work for a doctors appt so had to reschedule my appt. and they cant get me in till Mid October! I feeling like crap and need to get in sooner. Ive been wanting to switch my meds and cant get in to even talk to my doctor at this point. So Ive been looking for a new doctor, and came across a yahoo group for Michigan residents with thyroid diseases. Lots of good info from other people which is nice to get referrals from. I spoke with this one woman about this holistic doctor she is seeing, and am very interested. I would like to try him along with a endocrinologist. It can get pricey since he doesn't accept insurance, but there is a 6-8 month waiting list so can save up the money by than. He has released a book, Overcoming Thyroid Disorders, so Im going to pick that up in the meantime.

Anyhoo, Ive been busy everyday this week. Labor Day was okay given the circumstances. I went to my moms for dinner and we grilled the usual. I stuck with one burger and corn on the cob. My weight has dramatically went up and I thought it was from the weekend. I ate a lot of salt while out walking all those miles, so thought maybe that was why. And its slowly creeping back down, so I guess I wont complain to much. I took the last two nights off from any exercise. Tuesday we went to the Tigers Game after work, and let me tell you I was so proud of myself. Ive mentioned before one of my all time favorite things to do is go to the ballpark. I love baseball. Just walking in the park puts a huge smile on my face. And usually the food goes right along with it. And since Im with Grant, he sometimes can eat like a bottomless pit. But this time I said nope I will not join him. So I did just that. I split a pretzel with Grant, no cheese. And had half of a frozen lemonade. I walked out of there eating only 300 calories. Go me! :)

Than yesterday I actually went and worked the Tigers game. Helped out some 3 day walkers that had a stand. Since it was such an intense game, I didn't get home until after midnight. Awesome, Awesome Game. I was drinking my water last night but still almost passed out from the heat. It was not fun. So did eat a kabalsa at like 11. It was worth it, it was so good.

Today after work Im meeting Jennifer, the other walker Ive been training with. We are going to meet about 5 minutes from my work and do a 6 miler out here. This is the area we are walking in during the event...much hillier than we are use to. So should be a good walk. Unfortunately, when I get home the laundry mat will be calling my name. So another busy night for me.

Ive been tracking my calories again. I think it helps. I hate doing it, but I need to know where Im at. At least if I know what calories Im at, what Im burning exercise wise..and it will help to realize if my thyroid is truly slowing me down or what. Staying focused...that is what September is all about.

Dreams

2007-09-03T22:10:00.000-04:00

Do you ever have those dreams that feel like they are screaming a message out at you? I just had one. I laid down to take a nap, and had a really amazing dream.

While the dream did consist of this guy trying to win my heart, I feel there was another message to be had. Although having someone romanticize over me was a nice side message to :p

I was taking classes at a college, and everyday after class I was taking the long route to my next class. It was like 3-4 miles. Id always run into this guy who was on crutches. He was very athletic and something happened that he was on crutches during the whole dream, which took place over a 5 year span. We became friends, and always walked to our next class together. Well he was from a different race and for some reason it was like the dream took place back in the 60's. And when he asked his parents for advice on approaching me to ask me out they were dead set against it. Anyways he still felt so strong that he wanted to approach me to ask me out. So he made this video to show me, to sort of ask me out. But the day he was going to give it to me, we missed each other. His parents even showed up on campus trying to re-route us so we would miss each other. (the whole parents thing is weird..felt so after school special-ish) So he had a few friends chase me down and they played the video for me. The first half of the video basically talked about how he was looking for someone he could connect with, that had the same interests as him, and showed some clips of girls that were just after him for all the wrong reasons. Than went in about being athletic, motivated, and committed. It had clips of me...walking, laughing, us having lunch together a few times, and generally just happy pictures of me. And than flashed different words on how good it made him feel to be around me. Than it went into this part about how everyone around town (apparently we were in a small town) also noticed how awesome I am. (okay I'm getting a little self centered..but hey it was MY dream) It had interviews of small business owners, and neighbors who just were amazed by my dedication to the 3 day and community. Than in the middle of the video I woke up!

Don't you hate that?

And when I first woke up I felt guilty about the romantic side of the dream, and guilty of the butterfly feeling it gave me...but I also saw the other side. Ive been struggling with being happy with myself lately due to stress, struggling with finding how to getting back to a healthy weight, and being fit....and think it was sort of an eye opener that I'm headed on the right track and can be that person I want to be. As long as I stay focused I am that person. Its like I saw me from someones point of view. Maybe it was an illusion, it was just a dream, but for once in my life I saw the happy, content, ATHLETIC (did I really just saw athletic? you bet I did!) person I can be.

I have a feeling my chat with Kristen earlier today had something to do with having this dream. We were just talking about losing weight, becoming fit, etc. Its so nice to finally have found a friend that I can relate to about this whole becoming fit lifestyle. Ive struggled with a lot of issues over the past few years and have made huge progress in my life emotionally/mentally. I really think Im at a place now where I can put my head full force into this. Its like before I always yo-yo'd with weight issues because I was using it to mask other issues in my life. Which relates to Billy's blog the other day to. You really have to work on yourself inside and out. And while I have worked on the inside, I think Im finally ready for the outside to do some catching up. I know I have so much more to work on in the inside, but time to let the outside shine a bit to :)

I know I'm a big cheese ball sometimes, but everyone needs a little cheese in their life from time to time. :)

Drink Eat Walk Repeat

2007-09-01T22:20:00.001-04:00

That is what my day was like today :) I met a 3 day friend this morning to attempt our 18 miler. I have to admit it wasnt has hard as I thought. We started around 8am, and finished right around 2pm. We took a half hour lunch, and probably 4-5 bathroom breaks. I have been doing a lot of my longer walks on blacktop, so have switched to city streets now. Boy can my knees feel the difference!

Overall I felt pretty good through the whole walk. Its nice walking with another veteran walker so we can keep each other in check while walking with food, water, and stretching. All 3 are so vital to keep your body feeling good! While training its harder for me to keep up with my water, vs on the walk you have pit stops every 3 miles and its just routine to fill up your water, pee, and eat.

My knees and feet are now achey hours after the walk, but generally while walking and even the few hours after they felt pretty good. We are meeting again for 15 at the same time tomorrow, so lets see how I feel when Im done with that. I think Ill bring out my awesome foot massager, it may be needed. hehe

Its kinda funny how once I reach any walks longer than 12 miles, that the last mile or two are the most challenging. Its like this game you play with your head. Totally mental. Its like you cant focus on anything but being done. When we were at mile 16-17 we were like wow we are feeling great! Than bam! it hit us like a ton of bricks...I was like all of a sudden this mile feels like 5! She definitely agreed. Than we thought well on the walk we would have to walk 5 more miles, so this last mile is nothing than :)

Grant is out with the boys tonight, a bachelor party. Even though its a bachelor party, the first half of their outing is at a bar where theres this anniversary party for a Detroit production company (that throws kickass parties) that I usually dont miss every year. But I opted to stay home, let the boys have their fun. I decided to have The L Word marathon. Now Im off to hit the hay and snuggle up with the furbabies. A much needed me time tonight :) Well me and the dogs. Can you tell yet, Im obsessed with my dogs? hehe How could you not be with these cute faces?!